My bronchitis is better due to the massive amounts of antibiotics & steroids in my system. It is now safe to tell you that I was close to going to the hospital in the middle of the night last week, but thanks to laryngitis and multiple paralyzing muscle spasms I was unable to wake my husband up either by yelling, crying, or hitting, so he never knew, and I woke up alive, so here I am.
(No, he missed the part where I was gasping for breath and twitching 3 inches from his head half the night...cause he wakes up for every noise, she notes with slight sarcasm...)
But, I am MUCH better now, at least physically. Emotionally, slightly wonky. To answer a few queries from my last post,
Yes, DD it is healthier than the alternative, I agree; Adrienne, I had all sorts of dreams about how I imagined my life turning out, that deserves a separate post, it wasn't totally pollyanna aka out of reach, but, it wasn't this; Artblog, very cool about your brother, and yes, I have a shrink, and we talk about this, but it's not enough anymore, I need to be more open I guess.
And thank you all of you for your kind words...I'm just going to keep going and forge ahead, and hopefully fit in somewhere.
My current goal with therapy BTW, is doing EMDR to find a way to deal with all this mess in my head. I know it isn't proven with evidence-based medicine just yet, (lots of studies are underway, some finished) but I've done CBT and other types for years, to no avail. I know all the logical easy answers to why I feel the way I do, but it hasn't changed how I feel. So I'm looking for other answers now.
I've also looked into this new use for an old drug, propranolol, being used for PTSD and trauma. 60 minutes had a good story with a bad title, "A Pill to Forget, Can a medication suppress traumatic memories?" Of course, the pill does NOT erase or even fuzz memories at all. It does take the terror and anxiety away from the experience, allowing a little bit of detachment, so that the victim can stop having nightmares, depression, flashbacks, even regain a normal life. Supposedly, it blocks the adrenaline molecules from flooding the brain with adrenaline & altering therefore damaging the brain structure of the victim. It may work for immediate trauma, or trauma from the past, again something else they are studying.
There have been a few poorly done TV dramas on the subject, including a Boston Legal with a ludicrous storyline. I like that show usually, but this time----ehhh, no. They were actually trying to say it is better for society if trauma victims are still feeling their trauma, because this will help us be better, more compassionate human beings. I wonder if they'd tell a cancer victim to keep their tumour, or stay bald, and weak, and sick, you know for society's benefit?
Anyway, Mr.Cotta is out of town, so I'm off to do errands and take care of the kiddos while he is gone. Must fake it til I make it I guess.