Thursday, August 09, 2007

I suck

It turns out that Mac had strep, and Kaz probably does too, and it's severely affecting their behaviour, so really they aren't feral, I am.

Fever? Mac had one, but I thought it was because of the 100 degree heat, and Kaz doesn't at all.

Sore throat? Mac had one, but I assumed it was viral, and therefore downplayed it and gave him a freezie and told him to go out and play.

Peeling hands and feet? Kaz had it, but I assumed it was really the awful foot fungus he picked up at camp.

I took them to the pediatrician and she missed it, but she's a Doctor, and automatically incompetent like all Doctors simply by virtue of having a medical degree. At least in my experience, that's how it works.

I begged her to swab both the kids and she only agreed to swab Mac because he had a sore throat and she still thought I was being silly and paranoid. He turned up positive today after the lab called and is now on antibiotics. She called us in and we swabbed Kaz today. Mr. Cotta has to go in and so do I now.

I feel sooooooo guilty. Parenting after infertility is so lousy. I question everything I do, everything I think, everything I feel. Is it too much, too little? Uncertainty dogs my every step.

Most of all, I'm feeling guilty because their behaviour is bad right now because of their illness, not because they are unredeemable boys. When they were babies, I could figure it out faster, I was watching more carefully because they couldn't talk. Now they are 7 and almost 11....I wait for them to tell me, and maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I'm doing this all wrong.


  1. They're 7 and 11 and still alive arn't they? You must be doing something right. Being a parent isn't an exact science. My daughter banged her finger a couple of weeks back and I didn't take her to see a Dr for nearly two days, turns out it was broken. I must admit I did feel like crap about it at first but in reality parents don't have the time to go racing off to the Dr with every bruised finger or sore throat their kids have. At least you care enough to think about it at all. While at the hospital yesterday waiting to see a specialist for the broken finger there were a few mothers there, waiting for the same specialist, that were surounded by children with snotty noses, dirty clothes (I'm talking dirty) and bare feet! It's winter here. And I'm sitting there fresh from my first IVF appt wondering why I'm the one suffering from infertility. Don't be too hard on youself.

  2. Don't be silly! You are a great mom! You insisted on the strep test, right? So who fixed your boys, the Dr? No, YOU! Boys are silly and never like to admit they feel yucky. And young kids are so resilient, they are like animals -- they've got to be pretty sick to show it. Don't be so hard on yourself. My son ruptured his eardrum -- twice -- before I even knew he was sick.

  3. I think that about my own parenting at least once a day. It's the curse of being a mom. You're actually doing a great job. I hope you get to avoid the sickies this go round. {{{hugs}}}

  4. Oh don't be so hard on yourself. Strep is a tricky one, and I would say, you're not a doctor except here you did better than the doctor. As usual. They'll be okay now that they have their antibiotics. I hope that they work fast and you're not in for a hellish b-day weekend.

    Kaz got a foot fungus at camp? That story gets worse and worse. Ugh.

  5. If we didn't question every parenting move we made yesterday, then we wouldn't be better Moms tomorrow.

    Those boys couldn't be more lucky than to have YOU as their Mom to worry about them.

  6. Well if you suck, I suck. Last month Bug complained about a sore throat for a day. Gave her some throat lozanges. Then she didn't say anything about it for two weeks. Then daycare calls, and says that she is complaining of having a headache. So I go get her, and she is supposed to go the ped anyway for a shot. We get there, she has a 102 temperature and they kept saying how AWFUL her throat looks. She had strep BAD.

    AND she had to miss playing in her softball tournament because of it.

    I kept telling the doctor, "But she never said her throat hurt! She said her head hurt!"

    I suck.

  7. You absolutely do not suck! Those symptoms were so mild even your doctor (who is supposed to know better) didn't pick up on them. Give yourself a break, okay?

  8. Hope they feel better soon. And yes, you always seem to know better than the doctors--wish we could bottle that intuition--I could use it!

  9. Bah, I hate it when that happens.
    Some of what you describe I have too...only I chalk it up to being my indecisive-libra-ness. The always second guessing yourself.
    (I'd be surprised to find out that you are not a libra...note to self go read Aurelia's complete profile)

    A 'real' doctor would indulge every parents hunch.
    Whew!...what utopia I dream of there eh.
    Sure some parents bring thier kids in for every little cough....but I am sick (ha pun intented) of the condescention from medical professionals.

    What I personaly refuse to buy into is the 'I'm a bad mommy because I made a mistake' man.
    Know what I mean?
    My theory is that your upbringing is your upbringing and sometimes you just get what you get. Good enough can be good enough.
    I'm sure the people who raised me did thier 'best'...and I'm just fine aren't I !?!

  10. Strep sucks, not you. We all miss things from time to time. All you can do, is learn from it and move on. Next time your boys are behaving like lunatics, you will ask if they are feeling okay before you send them to a permanent time out in their rooms! Boys are a puzzle sometimes!

  11. Hey, I missed an infection in myself, and I am usually in pretty direct communication with myself. Just saying. And as everyone has pointed out already, you insisted on the test, so it was you who figured it out. So give yourself a break, will ya?

    And I, too, hope that they improve rapidly now that they get their antibiotics.

  12. Want to know Smarsy's definition of the difference between a great parent and a lousy parent?

    Great parents have many situations like this, but feel terrible afterwards, kind of like how you feel. Lousy parents have these situations too, but don't feel badly.

    Sounds to me like you are doing a great job.

  13. You're not doing it all wrong. You're doing a great job and sick kids are stressful. In fact, they are Stressful--capital S--because it blots out everything else you wanted to accomplish. It turns family life on its head. It throws off behaviour. Keeping them healthy isn't just for them--it's for my own sanity. Hang in there, A.

  14. What everyone else already said. You figured out what was wrong. You insisted on the throat swab. You are a wonderful parent.