The suspense is hell. I no longer feel nauseated, not one bit, but I always feel tired. And for the last day or so, I've been terrified that the tiny shooting pains in my cervix mean this is all over. They could also be my stupid damn fibroid stretching and causing pain. Or be nothing at all.
I keep stuffing progesterone up and counting the minutes until my next ultrasound; 10:00 am Tuesday morning. I hate living like this.
I feel like an idiot. I never should've tried this again. This was a fool's errand, and I just know I'm going to pay the price. What in the hell was I thinking....my body is too messed up and every time I find a "cure" or a "treatment" for the current crop of disasters another problem rears it's ugly head. Do you ever wish you could go back in time and get the treatments you have now, but in a much younger body?
I'm getting to see my new high risk OB/Gyn Nov.7th, if I get that far. I'm hoping he has some good ideas, but I just don't know what the hell he could come up with.
My house is being painted today and tomorrow, and my furniture is all arriving on Thursday. We're having a whole lot of people over for Halloween, and things would be in a lovely state of chaos if not for this stress.
Thing is, with all this chaos I keep wondering how I'll fit in a miscarriage if I get bad news tomorrow.
Yeah, not exactly positive thinking. Not exactly one day at a time. I'm just not very good at that right now. I keep wondering if I'll do better if I just accept that the worst will happen, and I should give up now, and then just go on with my day. Some people do okay with that, but I'm not sure it will work for me.