Thursday, January 10, 2008

This is becoming very tiresome

I'm feeling very awful lately, mostly because I can't sleep properly. I'm having very very bad leg muscle spasms. They don't hurt but they jerk me awake. Creepy as hell, and impossible to sleep through.

My stomach is upset a lot, heartburn is beginning. I'm still getting some wild nausea if I sense any soft or undercooked eggs anywhere within 500 feet. But really, if I could just get some good solid sleep I'd feel a hell of lot better.

Another reason for not sleeping well? My husband went out after work to meet a friend for a drink, and I truly can't stand this friend of his. She is not someone I have had much respect for, for well, years, but lately I've felt rather, grrrrrrrrr, every time her name comes up. She used to work in the same office as him, as an assistant, and had innumerable problems she would lay at his feet and ask advice about. (She had a serious mental health issue years before and her husband supported during her recovery, but it still kind of weighed on her as an issue.) She was nice enough, and we all went out for dinner a few times, her husband included. So fine whatever.

But then, she started doing much better, in fact, she did some more studying and her career really took off. At the same time, her relationship with her husband began to tank, partially because their youngest son had some LD, but mostly because there was a massive layoff at his workplace, and he got a package, but was having trouble getting another steady satisfying job. At one point, he was finally diagnosed with ADD, which, yes explained all of his struggle's through school, but his doctor did NOT give him stimulants, instead, the idiot gave him antidepressants. Antidepressants can help with the shame of failure that accompanies ADD, but they don't prevent future failures from happening. So the guy has even more trouble getting another job.

So you can imagine what's coming---she disbelieves the diagnosis, and decides he's a slacker. Whatever he tries to succeed at, she disses as not good enough. At one point, she actually has the NERVE to proposition Mr.Cotta. (Yes, you read that right, she wanted to have an affair with MY husband!) He tells her no, and comes home and tells me right away. I'm ticked, but I'm glad he's coming home to me, and make it clear I don't want her around our house, or kids and think very little of her. He still meets her for lunch in public places, mostly business related, which I don't like, but I'm trying not to be controlling. You know, because I'm trying very hard to be the bigger person, blah, blah, blah, even though deep down I just want to SLAP her.

The piece de resistance? She dumps her husband and gets a live in nanny, and now spends all of her time telling my husband how wonderful her life is now that she got rid of the husband with that so-called mental problem, ADD. She kept the big house with the pool and the kids, and has her fancy job, with the six-figure salary, and he's now stuck in some crummy little apartment with no money, and surprise, surprise, is getting even more depressed even on the ADs. Recently he finally found a good permanent job, instead of the temp ones & the contract ones he had, and thank God his life is getting better. No thanks to her.

Now, I know that marriages break up and divorce happens, but can I just say that dumping someone struggling with mental issues when that person supported you for years through all of your issues, is pretty fucking low class? He's a kind guy, never been angry or violent or drunk, nothing even remotely like that. He's a good dad, admittedly not the best at domestic duties, but well, he was having some medical problems, and trying to solve them. Just not at the pace she dictated I guess....

I've said it before and I'll say it again, marriage is supposed to be about sticking by each other through sickness and in health, through good times and in bad. And I for one, am tired of hearing about imperfect people who hold their spouses to standards of perfection they themselves cannot reach. He took care of her for years, someone with integrity might clue in that she owed him that much in return. Does she have to stay married to him forever? Certainly not, but you don't kick somebody when they are down. It's just low class.

And I sure as hell don't want her talking to my husband! I trust him, but I really don't trust her. She's a viper, one of those women who can't seem to be happy in her own backyard; anyone unclear about why I don't want her sniffing around in mine? Gee, maybe because I'm getting fatter all the time, and not precisely calender girl sexy right now? Or maybe because pregnancy and hormones make me very very emotional, or maybe because I'm kind of gassy, and if I cough too hard, I pee myself, and I'm slowly becoming a slummy mummy due to staying at home and not working for a paycheque?

Yeah, three guesses why I don't want him hanging out with an attractive sexually voracious skinny rich bitch who slams people with ADD and has her sights trained on him.


  1. Yeah, she needs to accept a job offer somewhere else, the farther the better... maybe she could try Australia or Mars or something.

    I think pregnancy hormones make us even MORE sensitive to these issues, so make sure to get lots of extra snuggling...

  2. Seems like a perfectly normal reaction to me.

  3. Wow, you are being a bigger person than I could ever be. If she has actually propositioned him in the past i don't think they should be in contact at all.

    Marriages are hard work but if he supported her it seems fair she should be reciprocating.

    I hope you can get some sleep. Really everything does seem better after a good sleep.

  4. I would not trust her either... you have all the right not to want her around your husband

  5. She sounds a bit self-centered and self-absorbed. Why would she want to steal your husband for anything but self-aggrandizement? (I have never understood the desire to go after a married man or woman!)

    You have every right to not trust her. But, if your husband is half as smart as he would have to be for you to marry him, he should see right through her. After all, most people don't change their stripes - abandon someone, cheat someone, they will do it again.

  6. I think that you are right that the pregnancy hormones make you more sensitive, but I also think that woman sounds like very bad news. I don't suppose there is anyway your husband can do his bussiness without her?

    I certainly wouldn't want her anywhere near my man.

  7. Makes sense to me. The fact that she's propositioned your husband in the past...well, there is no excuse!

  8. I would be livid if my husband went out with someone who had propositioned him - business or not!

  9. I just found your blog through Mel's. You are so much fun to read!
    I don't blame you one single bit for not wanting your husband around her. Women like that are bad news. She's shown herself to be a viper; it's not like it's your hormones!
    I love what you wrote about marriage, too. It's better or worse - and it won't always be better! :)

  10. She sounds like a piece of work. In a wee small devil's advocate voice: I do have a friend who left her husband in large part because of his depression, but in the end it was because he didn't want to deal with it. It's horribly sad, but I don't feel (and clearly she didn't either) it was ok for her to be dragged down and spiraling into depression herself. But this sounds different -- my friend gave her husband LOTS of time, and really proactively tried to see help, and he wouldn't. Plus, she's not a vamp.

    I always had severe anxiety about my husband leaving me while pregnant -- something about the upcoming dependence on others, or the vulnerability or something. So I could more than understand that this situation right now would make you nervous. She sounds like poison, I'd tell him to make a social break and let her be.

  11. There are too many people now who are too lazy to work out their problems - divorce is just "easier." Ask my sister and brother!

    I can certainly understand your dislike of her...and don't blame you for not wanting her around your family. But, I have to give MAJOR props to your DH for being honest with you: About her proposition, about going out for a business lunch, etc. Most men would not be that honest...which could make you question what is going on. You are lucky you found an honest person in your DH.

    ...Hopefully, she will disappear to a different job someday and be totally out of your hair!

  12. My personal view? Mr. Cotta should absolutely not be socializing with her for any reason.

    Not saying this will happen to you, but I've seen far too many marriages break up because a husband becomes entangled with some other woman. The husband often really loves his wife, but once he gets involved with the other woman, things start to snowball out of control.

    These things generally start out completely innocently -- often the man isn't even aware that the woman is angling for him. But for him to continue meeting her after she propositioned him is just encouraging her to try again.

    I'm sure others have different views, but, believe me, I've seen this same story play out over and over again.

  13. I hate to jump on the bandwagon, but let's just say I'm a little *ahem* SENSITIVE in that regard...
    [I, too, thought I could be the bigger person & ride it out, until she REALLY got her hooks in him!]
    Obviously you are both grownups, but if it makes you this uncomfortable, Mr C should show more regard for your feelings... I'm just sayin'!

  14. Re: Leg cramps. Calcium, magnesium, and zinc supplements work for me.

    Re: Other stuff. Good luck.

  15. Jumping on the leg cramp bandwagon-- always turned out to be potassium for me. Good news-- can be gotten by switching to Lite Salt-- it's half potassium. Much cheaper, actually, than trying to take supplements.

    The main point of this post? I wonder whether Mr. C, having turned her down once, is fully sure the question is closed and doesn't even consider that she may be just preparing for round number two. Hm... do you think you could make a deal with him that if she ever propositions him again, that will be it?