Thursday, February 14, 2008

A little more whine please

Can't have any cheese, being lactose intolerant. Or real wine, being pregnant and all. So I need to whine.

But first, a medical update, last night I found out that P. has come out of his coma, and has no physical repercussions. Unfortunately, he seems to have brain damage of some sort, or else he underwent a total personality change while asleep for 72 hours. He sounds and acts articulate and intelligent, but doesn't seem to comprehend anything that has happened. It's like the antifreeze and pills destroyed the parts of his brain he used to use for executive functioning. And this used to be such a gentle kind wonderful man, a CEO, a brilliant guy who had such class and dignity. He had depression and was taking medication for it, but he was still himself. Now, even my husband, his own brother, barely recognizes him. Unfortunately, his wife is pretty damn useless when it comes to a tough love approach to serious mental illness. She has no idea, (hint lady: consult a psychiatrist and a neurologist? Then force patient to follow through, stop feeding his issues and making them worse). She is completely helpless in any situation that doesn't involve a credit card and designer clothes.

Never mind.

So yes, ladies and gents, the worst case scenario has occurred, he lives, but not well, and may never again. I feel such agony for my husband's family right now.

The current fight, by the way, is how to get him to either be committed there, or here. Here in Canada is better because he will have no choice but to focus on his own issues, and can't show up sick in front of his kids, but oh how hard it will be to be so far away from them. I'm hoping that when he feels a bit more even keeled, we can get them to come visit, and he may be able to be keep it together for them. Maybe they won't have to grow up without a Daddy.

I have hope that there is worse and better in this situation. He'll never be perfect ever again, but he can be better than he is now, and that's all we can strive for now.


Back to me for a moment if you don't mind; I'm feeling kind of bitchy and tired since I am alone without my husband and big and pregnant and tired and my kids are acting up and there are a zillion inches of snow, and well, FUCK.

I know that it is selfish of me to be upset about being alone on Valentines Day when my husband is trying to help his sick brother, but would you all understand if I just need to whine a little and not be stoic?

I'm just so tired of being stoic. It takes a lot of energy. Energy I just don't have.

Plus anyone I've spoken to in real life about this just keeps saying stupid things that imply that he is at fault in some way for being sick because he must be such shit to live with and his wife must be some sort of long-suffering martyr----except that SHE ISN'T. She is in fact the polar opposite of a supportive spouse. Oh happy day, no one in blogland has said this stuff to me, and thank you thank you thank you for that. I just want to hit some of those real life twats, because when they start in so smugly on how hard it is to live with "those people" it feels like they are implying that he deserved whatever he got and somehow anyone who attempts suicide is characterless and a write off as a human being.

Oh, I know that isn't coming out of their judgemental lips, but it feels like it.

So I'm sad and frustrated and all alone on Valentines Day. Not precisely the romantic day I had planned.

I'm going to go drown my sorrows in cupcakes now. Specifically chocolate cupcakes with pink icing and sprinkles.

Lots of sprinkles.


  1. Oh, Aurelia, I'm so sorry. And it does, in fact, stink that your husband is not there to (a) help you and (b) spend Valentines day with you. Chocolate cupcakes, though a good alternative considering, hardly make up for that.

    I hope the following isn't stupid or pollyanna-ish, but for whatever small amount it may be worth, a friend of mine had a stroke that very much changed him, and while the changes are not necessarily for the better -- he lost some verbal ability, his (considerable) analytic skills, and his ability to work in his chosen field -- his post-stroke life is also, at it turns out, a good one. He is a happy person (also true pre-stroke), he travels extensively, he does volunteer work (caring for injured wild animals).

    I realize your BIL's situation is very different and I don't mean to downplay its difficulties or the unfortunate-ness of where he is and how he got there. But is it possible to hope that there may, nonetheless, be some happy or at least reasonable equilibrium within his new situation? Or is that clearly out of the question?

  2. Blogging is a great place to vent b/c generally, readers are a little more sensitive after being exposed to so many kinds of situations. These IRL acquaintances of yours? Hell, the worst they may have ever seen is an infected toe nail.

    Have a cupcake on me. If I was more demanding, I'd have you ship one to me, but I'm sure it wouldn't be as pretty (but trust me, I'd still eat it.).

  3. i wish i could send you dozens of cupcakes (in fact i have so many left-overs from my mad baking last night for my class!).

    don't feel bad about whining, it's therapeutic.

    hugs to you!

  4. I will have a glass of wine for you. (any excuse, right?)


  5. you are well entitled to your whine. I just thank heavens that your husband has been able to go and tend to his brother, it sounds as if it's making a huge difference. I will be hoping for a recovery, to a life he can enjoy again.

  6. mmm sprinkles. I hope they helped.

    oh what mess. I am so sorry you have to deal with this.

  7. No need to be stoic around here.

    I hope the cupcakes give you a little of what you need.

    Happy Valentines Day.


  8. totally ate loads of dairy and wheat and chocolate today and I'll pay for it all week with sinus congestion, skin outbreaks and bloat...ah, gotta love food sensitivities eh.

  9. What happens if you call them on it? I find myself intolerant of chickenshits and stupid comments lately, so I tend to call people on their crap.