Wednesday, August 27, 2008


I am trying to get five minutes to post and to return all of your emails...but I am swamped, and also kind of meh about blogging. I'm busy as hell, not just with the baby but also with the older boys getting back from camp, and getting sorted out going to school. Plus the house reno and various other things like taking the kids to Ontario Place. I'm just trying to organize my life and when everyone gets back to school next week and settled in, life will be better. Until then, bear with me people.

I'm also sort of wondering where I fit in the blogosphere these days. I'm kind of a different mom than some of you first-timers, since I've been doing this longer and with multiple kids. (With a few admirable exceptions like my faves Lori and Rachel Inbar, my compadres!)'s a bit hard for me to hold back on the assvice when I see some of you freaking out about stuff that really is normal. I try to be kind and reassuring, but occasionally, I stick my foot in it. And sometimes, I know I must sound like I'm talking out my ass.

I've just been through a lot lot lot of adventures with the older ones although long before blogging existed. So I kind of want to share that stuff but not sound bossy or know-it-all. Trouble is, it will end up coming out like that....or more like I'm an ancient old lady, waggling my finger.

And I don't know it all by any means. Like the Swaddle Me wasn't invented then, and it really is the best thing we've bought. I'm still learning things from Julius, who is mystifying me with his bizarre growth patterns. The kid is now doubled his growth at three months, when most kids do it at six months. He is sixteen pounds, 3 ounces as of yesterday. And exclusively breastfed---crappy latch and all. I'm still battling yeast/thrush on and off and finally turned to grapefruit seed extract on the advice on my pediatrician. (Tastes like blech btw, but it works amazingly. Put the drops in honey or maple syrup or something to hide the bitterness, or be smart and buy the pills.) I'm almost rid of it I think, but I'm still breastfeeding anyway. Mostly because I am too lazy to formula feed. I'd rather throw dishes away than wash them, and all that work mixing! Gahhh, am too much of a slacker mom.

Unfortunately I am not rid of my weight....I saw a picture of myself and realized with horror that I haven't lost an ounce of fat, and I really don't like how I look; double chins, ginormous ass and stomach. I never thought I'd lose it all by now--I'm not an idiot, but I thought I'd lose a little bit of fat. You know, gradual weight loss, maybe a pound a week until I could get rid of the fifty some-odd pounds I think I gained. I did lose ten or fifteen after giving birth, mostly baby and water, but then my milk came in and I think I gained five pounds or so. Then I got hungry and the whole plan went to hell and a handbasket.

Did you know that if you eat an entirebagofcookiesextrasteakscandybarsglassesofwinedonutshotchocolatejuicecake that you might gain weight? Or at least not lose any pre-existing weight?

Yeah, somewhere between the two steaks I ate Sunday night instead of one and the giant can of chocolate icing I ate with a spoon in a corner of the couch, I realized that I might have to stop eating like a pig. (And yes, I am being piggy. I really am. This is not just post partum hormones.)

I feel crappy, kind of sad and meh and not liking me. My new purse? After I bought it, I decided it is not as nice as I thought. Mostly because it does not make me look skinny. The pain makes it hard to exercise, but I am trying to move a bit. I've now seen a bone specialist, a physiotherapist, a masseuse, and a chiropractor, none of whom have done me any good so far.

I have lots of stuff to blog about but I just don't know if I feel like bothering. Does it do any good? Is there any point? My horoscope says I need some sleep, and my baby is up more at night.

I just don't know. I just feel fat and crappy. And I hate mirrors right now. And politics. The Democratic Convention is making me cry because poor Hillary is showing such incredible class and I think that she will not be rewarded. And the stupid Harper Tories decide to call an election while people are dying of listeriosis. Nice timing you heartless bastards....might make it easier to beat them, but still....

Crap crap crap, off to sleep.


  1. You think Hillary is showing class? Huh. All that matters to me right now is that Obama win and I do not thinks she's helping.

    I have too much fat left too. And I was thinking that just yesterday as I looked at my reflection in a store window. Right as I was doing that, though, a woman offered me a free ice cream sandwich compliments of a local bank and I was like, "Yeah!" and ate it. Wonder what my problem is :).

  2. Thanks for the compliment :-) You sound so much like me, especially eating the icing out of a can with a spoon... I mean, I also feel a kind of lull... maybe it has to do with the kids still being on vacation and the fact that mt life hasn't gone back to any sort of normal since Yirmi was born.

    I usually am a high adrenaline/guick to cry person, but I'm taking Hadas to her new boarding school today and I am happy, but I don't even really feel excited. Emotional overload maybe?

  3. I've had to make that speech Beruriah, the one where you praise the guy who just beat you in an election, and it's all you can do to keep the tears from spilling over and the bile from rising in your throat....the fact that she is there and nominated him and is telling everyone to vote for him with that perfect convincing face?

    Class, pure class.

    Meanwhile, he hasn't lifted a finger to help her fundraise her debt away even after she shared her own fundraising list with him, and that is a traditional role of winners, to help the others with their debt. He also hasn't integrated anyone from her campaign team into his. And frankly, I'm not impressed by that.

    Winners can afford to be magnanimous. It's a sign of good character.

    She is helping, trust me. But him, WTF? We'll see...

  4. I think we all go through these "meh" periods... and sometimes there's so much other stuff going on that blogging & online life has to take a back seat to the real thing. ; ) I do hope you keep writing, though!! --

  5. Yeah its not the everyday eating that is doing me in, its the bags of chocolate I need to cut back on. Today I did and then I came home and ate half a bag of baked nachos. mmm carb ass.

    You are taking the kids to Ontario Place? I left Julia home, so I bow to your momming expertise.

    I also bought her uniform today. I am so very prepared for back to school. ooops.

  6. Some love for you today.
    Am feeling fat and frumpy right along with you. (I recently realized that I rarely wear anything other than sweatpants- not so attractive.)

    And, for the record- you advice is wanted, and very much appreciated. Many thank yous for that.

    Finally, as a mother of an exceptionally large baby (who is on his way to tripling his birth weight by 6 mos), yes, the humungous swaddle me blankets are a god send.

  7. i, for one, love your advice! honestly, if it wasn't for you aurelia i would have no idea what was wrong with me and i would be feeling incredibly guilty for seeking out fertility treatments at an unfeeling, evil clinic.

    as for the baby weight, please go easy on yourself. it's hard when you're in pain and you're trying to balance way too many things at the same time.

    big, big hugs to you.

  8. Let's just say that you fit in because you are not a perfect fit. None of us are. The whole point is to come at the world with different perspectives and take it from there. We all blog with varying intensity at different times. Go with it. And instead of allowing our differences to put spaces between us, find ways to let it glue us together. Certainly, you can read us first timers with the thought of, "yeah, I remember feeling that way too, and I am so glad to be able to feel another way now."

  9. Ah, what Nicole said about a bunch of misfits. Was that not what she meant? Anyway, different perspectives. Also, I tried an ordinary muslin for swaddling today because the swaddle-me was in the wash, and he's OUTGROWN IT. Man. What are they putting in breastmilk these days?


  10. It isn't as if I have anything meaningful to contribute - I just want you to not be so down on yourself, you've been through such an ordeal w/this pregnancy!**
    After all, MY little manchild is 10, so smart & bright & funny it makes my heart ache w/love for him...I miss him more when he's gone on the weekends now than when he was a toddler. Need to post about it, but need to go feed my other critters too!
    XOXOXO Val
    **& I weigh more today than I did full-term w/him, beating yourself up doesn't remove any fat!