Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Ten years ago today

Ten years ago today, my son died.

You can read about it here and here and here.

I'd like to say that I'm able to dedicate my entire day to thinking about him and looking at his pictures, but I can't do much because the living kids are demanding my attention.

Mac's first day of school is today, and Kaz left for some sort of male bonding thing with school, (all the grade 7's go away for a few days to get to know each other and start off the school year.) And Julius wants to be fed and cuddled and hugged and play with me.

I am going to go visit his grave now, and tidy it up, and leave some flowers.

Sometimes it feels like yesterday and sometimes it feels like a million years ago. Mostly, it just feels like it happened to someone else.

I never thought I would terminate a pregnancy. No one ever does I guess.

31 comments:

  1. So sorry. Hope you get a little quiet time today for yourself.

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  2. You are in my thoughts today.

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  3. I hope for peace(ful moments) for you...today and always.

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  4. I'm sorry. Thinking of you today.

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  5. Thinking of your family today, Aurelia. Much love.

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  6. I read your linked posts and can't believe how strong you are to have gone through all that and then kept going. So very sorry for your loss and I agree with your line of how it should be our choice and not anyone else. Bless you.
    Maybe you should run for VP here in the States. ;)

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  7. I hope the sun is shinning for you today.

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  8. thinking of you and all your boys.

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  9. I revisited all of those posts you linked to and I think the are some of the most honest and powerful pieces about the reality of choice.

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  10. Wishing a gentle day for you Aurelia...will be thinking of you and holding you close to my heart.

    Remembering Matthew with you...

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  11. Sometimes it is best to have distractions. I hope time makes it easier to deal with, I know it doesn't take it away.

    Thinking of you today especially.

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  12. I never thought in a million years I would either. But what really really aches is the fact that the only two choices I had were bad. There was never going to be a good outcome. Lethal prognosis is exactly that. Lethal.

    I'm so sorry this ever has to happen to anyone.

    xx

    J

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  13. I hope that feeding, cuddling, and playing with Julius helped you in some way. Not to forget, of course, but to understand the reality of today.

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  14. I'm glad you have lots of happy things to think about today too - and I realize it doesn't take away the sadness.

    Thinking of you.

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  15. thinking about you, sweetie.

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  16. Thinking of you and Matthew....

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  17. Found your blog from another, my heart goes out to you!! I lost Anthony Douglas on 2-10-05 due to his frontal lobes not developing, I was just about 21-22 weeks, and I will never forget the high risk OB saying to me after he told me that the best thing we could do was terminate and I said so I could still terminate the pregnancy (I realize now he has just said that but my brain was in well rather a huge fog)he said "well in Maine as far as I know it is still legal to terminate a pregnancy at this point" why this sticks with me I don't know, but thank god!! Because like you I could have died, I have not had anymore children, I have one live daughter who is 6, this broke my husband and my future together in a way I don't think even I understand. We have since divorced. Sometime I will tell you my story, I just don't think this is the right post to do it.

    HUGS!!

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  18. I wish I had been on yesterday to give you an enormous virtual hug.

    You've done enough for Matthew, and will continue to every day. You've been a wonderful mother to him, as you are to all your children.

    Much love to you all.

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  19. I missed the day of... but I'm here, hugging you from afar.

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  20. I'm sorry for your losses.

    It saddens me that you are forced to defend a decision which is no one else's business and which was so hard to make, yet the only one to make.
    I'm glad you're still around.

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  21. I missed the day, too. So sorry for these anniversaries of yours.

    Bea

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  22. You know that we all wish we could offer more than just virtual support, whether it was today or ten years ago. But I hope you know we are here to listen anytime.

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  23. oh aurelia, lovely woman, I am so sorry for your loss.

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  24. You're in my thoughts. And what you said -- about feeling like it happened to someone else -- is exactly how I feel.

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