Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I don't want to do anything

I have paperwork and organizing and emailing and a zillion other things to do, and frankly I'd rather not do any of it.

Is it bad that I just want to curl up and pretend the universe isn't doing anything, and it doesn't matter if I ever get my calendar and contacts up to date?

And I'm behind on blogs too, because I just can't keep up with NaBloMoPo reading, never mind commenting, and I haven't even started in on Christmas preparation. I am annoyed at how my blog looks and I'd love to do a makeover and update my blog list and what have you, but that would be risky and require concentration and I'm just plain out of that. (Even if I hired someone to do it, they'd likely want me to tell them what to do, and I have NO creative ideas right now, none.) My husband wants me to get some things done around the house, like get the dining room chairs repaired, but that requires an entire day long separation from the baby or schlepping him around to fabric stores, plus he wants me to go buy a new stove, but he doesn't want to pick it out. Which means I will likely buy the wrong one. And I am having more passport trouble, and I can't find a decent vacation place for Christmas for five, everything is for four. Unless we skip school and go in February or January. Crap....

I think I'm also in a bit of a bad mood because lately, I've been taking some risks and telling people what I think, gently and politely phrased, but still, being honest, and it's not always a good idea. I think the world appreciates liars better.

Mostly, it's the hot flashes. My estrogen wasn't supposed to drop this quickly while I was still breastfeeding exclusively, and yet, here I am, sweaty and hot and having temperature issues and cranky and irritated. I had some estrogen and started taking it again, but then I ran out and now I can't see my GP til next week to get a new scrip. (It's not exactly an emergency in their books...I get it, but still, crap!) Ovarian failure sucks, and not just on the pregnancy front.

Plus, the baby is up teething, or something....he just doesn't want to sleep. I can handle him getting up once at night, but 5-6 times is killing me. I don't know if his room is too cold, or the Grobag is letting his arms flap in his face. He broke out of his swaddle blanket a few weeks ago and I switched him over to the Grobag, but other than making an extra large swaddle blanket with industrial strength velcro, I have no idea what to do. He's nineteen pounds and strong as an ox, but he can't quite roll over both ways all alone, so I doubt anything will work that I buy. (He can roll over from front to back, but not quite back to front. Almost.)

Okay, I have to go do some stuff for the baptism party we are planning for him. The party I have NO motivation to plan for, but have to do since it's coming up.

I just feel like crap.


  1. When to do lists get avoided it's best to just take care of some of those things....then add a pedicure to the list as a reward or something.
    I think you are doing great!

  2. i think the lack of motivation is going around. instead of making dinner or working on report cards i'm fiddling around on the computer.

    i agree with jennifer, you should reward yourself when you've crossed some things off your list. it's how i get my lazy self motivated. unfortunately, i'm so tired that i can't even think of something to bait myself with!

  3. Sorry that you're feeling buried and unmotivated. I know exactly how that goes -- if only you could see the pile of papers growing in front of me on my desk.

  4. You probably have, but just in case not, have you tried using one of those hospital swaddle blankets but just swaddling his arms? When our guy got up to 19 pounds, that was the only thing that worked. Those velcro things never worked for crap, nor did any of the other swaddling things on the market. I cannot believe the money I wasted in my search. Now, side sleeping, ah, heaven.

    Good luck, rest during the day. Being up 5-6 times a night so consistently is a killer.

  5. Well, at least now I know what to do with the purple fleece you gave me... giant swaddle blanket with heavy-duty velcro it is!

  6. hi i might know you, i've just got to ur blog accidentally through browsing about "don't want to do anything" , yeah, internet is sure funny.
    but yeah, actually, i am currently feeling the same way. in fact, these couple days, or weeks, i've been feeling shitty like this...lazy, and don't want to do ANYthing in this ridiculous crazy life that only appreciates the liars & the fake-tough people!
    i'm just kinda...tired sometimes of living in this crazy world.
    it's tiring..and sometimes i even wonder if there's any point to keep doing or contributing ANYthing positive to this sick world.

    but like you, in the end, i just felt even more crappy, i don't know why!
    one online article i've read told me that it's because i'm not CONNECTED to Reality, and not actualizing my potential to myself & the world..after all, it's a physical/material world, that you need to have 'something' materialized anyway..
    but yeah, don't you sometimes wish you can just vanish & dissapear away with all those countless stars at the starry sky, and become 'One' with the Universe?

    i'm sorry, i'm just rambling..while i should do something else, but i just don't have energy to do all those things.
    and yeah..i felt even more crappy now.
    arrgghh..shit! @#$@%!^$#%

  7. Aurelia,

    I am browsing the internet looking for people who feel as I do "I don't want to do anything," and I came across this blog.

    Instantly I recognized the difference between us, you have a life full of things whereas I have nothing (lost everything) and have no motivation to do anything.

    Clearly you're agitated/aggravated due to chemical imbalance but you're complaining about having a full life. You have kids a husband, a home and debating where to go on vacation because you're having passport issues. I don't know about everyone else reading this but you sound extremely selfish.

    Wait till you lose your job, find out your fiance has been cheating on you, move out of your 5 bedroom house into a rented room and completely lose all motivation to even get out of bed.

    The worst part is that I know my life can be much worse and I need to pick myself up because I have no one to help me but I just don't want to do anything...

    I understand you're having a tough time but maybe you should look at what you have, not what else you want because a lot of people would literally kill for what you already have.

  8. haha, this is top ten google result for "don't wanna do the life thing" :)

  9. I totally understand how you feel! I feel bad b/c you have a reason to be so tired (up 5-6 times a night, you poor thing!) and I get plenty of sleep at night but I still don't feel like doing anything. I have no motivation at all. I just want to crawl into a hole and hide out from the world. I have been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome but that was about 6 months ago. The depression and 'blahs' didn't kick in until about 3 months ago.
    I know some time has gone by since u posted this blog. Are you feeling any better?

  10. I am feeling better, sleep deprivation can really do me in. But I got some hormones and some sleep.

    I don't actually understand how this blogpost became so high on google ranking actually....very odd?

  11. That suck dick faggot hahahaha you suck

  12. just kidding sometimes i feel the same way

  13. sounds like you are dealing with an awful lot. i think it would be enough just to be caring for the baby and keeping up the house. can you put off chairs, stoves, go on an easy, no passport restful vacation, instruct housekeepers to do the stuff on the merry maid list that comes in the mail and just cocoon for awhile. i suppose that term is out of date. sign up for an activity at about 10am on tues and thurs. one with baby, like an exercise class and one for yourself, like an art or music or literature class. husband or sitter should watch baby while you do weekly shopping on sat.
    take a nap when the baby does. have your thyroid, blood sugar and iron level checked.

  14. I feel the same way all da time:"(

  15. a second ago i didnt want to anything at all! so i googled "why dont i want to do anything" and this is where i ended up! after reading your post and all the comments i guess im just really lazy, you have so much stuff to worry about and in reality i think im just bored and i have cabin fever, but after reading this i feel motivated to go smoke a bowl and get on Ableton live and make a super sick Dubstep Song!

    Thanks! :D