Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Just insane

I'm trying to keep up, but I have reached the conclusion that I am being thwarted by fate. Everytime I get a little ahead, I get behind. Way behind.

Like today? Everything that could break, has. Not just my internet, but my entire home network had to be reprogrammed, my breast pump got milk backing up into the motor and I think has burned out, my blackberry cannot sync with my computer, my fridge smells odd even though the entire thing has been cleaned and scrubbed and dumped, my furnace and humidifier don't work properly even though I have checked and readjusted them a dozen times, my new car is not doing what it is supposed to be doing, (like the locks don't work and some asshole rifled through it and stole a bunch of parking money from the console), the blender burned out when my husband used it, everytime I send emails to other parents in the kid's classes my emails get stuck in spam boxes and never arrive, I tried paying bills, but the amounts don't add up, plus the tax payment is off kilter, and now I have no idea how much money in the accounts is ours, and how much belongs to the government, and best of all, my uterus is playing games and I have just had the longest most awful period in the history of mankind.

Passports? Supposed to be ready weeks ago, they got completely screwed up, as I predicted, and the only reason we have them now, is because I sent in "The Man". ("The Man" btw, does not refer to an actual male per se, but to anyone who is a Boss, or powerful, and authoritative, and has the cojones/guts/wherewithal to stand up and tell others what to do, and then gets obeyed without question.) Sometimes I think the only reason Bay Street law firms exist is because they provide a venue for hiring "The Man" as a hired gun for people like me.

Anyway, finally got the passports after showing up with "The Man" in my case, an imposing white male over 40 lawyer in a thousand dollar suit. No one gave a shit when little ol' powerless stay at home mommy me showed up, but him? Nadda problem, YES SIR, NO SIR, SAME DAY OF COURSE SIR, MAY I KISS YOUR ASS SIR? I swear, this whole mess has me convinced that I should simply never ever cross a border again. Or at least not without someone like that tucked in my suitcase, you know? Weird thing is, I can do that stuff with Doctors. I have no fear of them. Lots of them have almost killed me, so really, what the fuck more can they do to me? But Governments? Especially the bureaucratic levels? Urghhhh.

I should set up some sort of exchange system. Like I will be "The Man" for any of you who need help making Doctors to do what you need health-wise, and one of you will cross borders with me, and help me fill out tax forms. Anyone game?

Then again, who am I kidding. At this rate, I will not be able to post this, because as I try, blogger will break, and then the internet again, and then I will really never make it to visit my friend who just had a baby. Dinner isn't even planned, and I'm late to get Mac from school.

And I haven't bought any Christmas presents.

P.S. Now I have a cold.

P.P.S. I'm sure the bit about "the man" sounds sexist, but life doesn't always work the way I want it to, and sometimes, you just have to play the game the way they make you if you ever want to go to friggin' Disneyland.


  1. Wow. Nothing like trying to swim upstream in a torrent.

  2. Hate it when appliances crap out on you all at once.

    Way to bring in the man!

  3. Do you think there's a Man to make all of your appliances comply too? How about the bank? That could be the same Man who facilitated passports, I think, but the appliances...nope another Man entirely.

  4. holy craptastic batman!

    don't worry about not having any presents yet. just shop online or better yet just buy everyone giftcards! ;)

  5. I will pay you to be 'the man' for me
    before strangle some doctor and go to jail

  6. You already know I would totally hire you to go to the mattresses with my RE!!! ;) LOL

    Sorry you are having such a hellish day.


  7. Did you get an e-mail with the subject line 'Bad times'? Sinds like you got that one, messes your entire life up. Have you found socks on the coffee table when you're having company? Has all your beer gone?

    I hate it when mishaps pile up like that. :(

  8. Ack - haven't surfed by recently (way way behind on important stuff like READING BLOGS heh heh), but please accept my offer of virtual tea n' sympathy...

  9. sounds dreadful, my little annoyances can't compare. Hang in there.

  10. hiya again. i've just nominated you for a blog award. come by and see what it's all about.

    i really hope that things are less craptastic on your end.

  11. I hope you enjoy your holiday! As they say in Jamaica, "No Problem!"