I am in a lot of pain right now.
Mental, emotional pain, not physical.
These idiots phoned my husband again. Specifically my SIL, the wife of my birth half-brother. No, this time, they aren't asking for money---yet. They went out of their way to tell us how they are doing so fine and have jobs and a house, yadda yadda. But knowing them, I know that it's coming. I'm not a sister, I'm a bank machine.
The SIL keeps trying to paint herself as a some sort of saint who is trying to keep the family together by emailing me and asking me to talk to my mother. Meanwhile, she is the entire reason that the family doesn't speak. Yet she does not see the irony.....narcissism much?
Sigh, so the news she shares with my husband is that my birth mother has some sort of non-cancerous polyp in her colon. They couldn't get it during the colonoscopy, so she is having a laparoscopy. It's not malignant, and although there are risks, it will likely be fine. They have to take out a piece of her colon where the polyp is and reattach it to the bowel. Anyway, the incompetent idiotic surgeon at the teeny tiny local hospital she is going to described it in such terrifying terms that my mother ran out of the office and almost refused to get the surgery.
Why no, when faced with a problematic complicated surgery of course my mother didn't go to the closest large teaching hospital and get a referral for it to be done properly by an actual competent surgeon. She is going to have major surgery in the teeny itty-bitty hospital/local health clinic, and then be shocked when it doesn't go well. (Yes, I have been prejudiced by the studies that say practice makes perfect and we should go to Docs who have done procedures many many times....I also think that small rural hospitals should only do stitches and casts and leave the complicated stuff to bigger ones. Silly me....)
The doc who scared her was describing rare possibilities like a colostomy bag, and really, it won't happen, but he did tell her that and only later said, "rare", and so now she is terrified of getting the surgery. Idiot. She is scheduled, but who knows if she will show.
And my husband still didn't understand why I do not want to talk to all of them, until I broke down crying about all her stupid conditions on our relationship. (He gave me such a nice hug at that moment.) I tried so hard, for so long, and to her, it was never enough. She wants to recreate our lives as if we never had been separated, and I hate that.
You know, there are some things I'd really like to write now, but it would be hurtful to the birth mothers and adoptive mothers I know who are reading this blog so I feel like I can't. Good ol' people pleaser adoptee. Geez, I've been trained right....
So avert your eyes people. Please skip this next part if you are sensitive. Really.
I mean it.
I broke down crying and yelled, "She threw me away, and now she doesn't get to say how our relationship goes."
She did. She threw me away like I was nothing. No one forced her to give me up. And now she wants it her way or nothing at all. My opinions don't count.
So she gets nothing.