Thursday, January 11, 2007

A few notes

-- I've been reluctant to post more about my losses in the last few days because after I posted Matthew Part One, someone unsubscribed from my feed. I know many of you understand about my decision, but obviously one person didn't. Just like in real life, sigh. I wish they had emailed me with the reason why, I don't know who it is, because it was a private subscription. I do feel sad over it. I knew why some people hide their pregnancy losses, and why some people hide their terminations and tell everyone they lost the baby instead, but this has been a sharp reminder.

-- And for a few of you who may remember the first time I put this post up, yes, originally I had told his story with a fake name, and altered a few details; I was so paranoid about privacy. But I realized it doesn't matter, so yes, his real name was Matthew, and this is the real story. If you can't handle it, I can't help that.

-- Yesterday, I went to the endocrinologist again about my thyroid. She hadn't read my history, didn't remember my case, and had no idea what to tell me. After I reminded her again of everything, she basically said that I should have the RAIU & scan done again to see what's happening, but why bother? She thinks my symptoms are hormonal, and barely agreed to blood tests.

Oh, and I should just get pregnant. That might solve everything.

No, I didn't freak on her, I was too floored. WTF is wrong with Doctors?

--This explains why I'm hungover today. I went out with some political friends from the campaign last night, and intended on having one glass of wine and coming home early.

But I didn't. I had 3 and a half.*

The taxi poured me out in front of my house at 2:30 am. There are some VERY strange pictures on my new camera. There is at least one national newspaper columnist and several political staffers who probably wish I had lost the damn thing.

But I didn't. hehe

And as soon as my headache dies down I have to get them online, methinks.

*Yes, I am a cheap drunk. After 10 years of pregnancy, breastfeeding, and IF treatment what did you expect?


  1. Yeah, just get pregnant already! ;) I mean really, why are you making this so hard. Sheesh.

    Oh, I hope you know I am just trying to get a laugh out of you. I'm evil that way.

    Also, I think I may actually reveal more details about my search for a job as a result of the curiousity you expressed in your most recent comment. I was inspired by it.

  2. I'm sorry that someone wasn't up to handling your honesty in a positive manner. It's hard not to take something like that personally.

    I still would like to read about the rest of Matthew's story. This is one way to honor his memory and the too short life he had, which you are not to blame for. You let us know when you are ready. I hope to be here for support.

  3. I, too, would like to read the rest of Matthew's story- I know just important it is to be able to share such a major part of your life, to get it out there....

    Hope the wine was a good one!

  4. sorry someone unsubscribing hurt your feelings. Maybe you are better off without them reading your story if they don't agree/can't handle it. and the 'just get pregnant' comment, sheesh, my bood boils when people say that. The other comment I hate is 'just adopt'. Like our lives are that simple and straight forward. People don't think enough about what they're saying...

  5. After 10 years of pregnancy, breastfeeding, and IF treatment being a cheap drunk just makes good business sense.

  6. Don't let mouthy strangers get to you. Ignore them. There are plenty people who need to hear your story or we wouldn't be here. I thought you stronger than that!

    Moderate your comments and delete those that annoy you, if you must.

    It's your blog, it's your right!

  7. A loss is a loss is a loss. And decisions are not always decisions. I'm grateful that you're sharing the story.

  8. Hey, don't worry about one person unsubscribing. The rest of us want to hear the rest of your story about Matthew, who is so lucky he had you as a mom!

    Can't believe that doctor though. I wish I had some good ideas for you, but I am just stumped as to what to do with all these docs who don't seem to care! What's the matter with them?