Hello,
Not sure anyone is here anymore, reading this, but I thought I'd start writing something once in a while, or more often. I've been reading lots of your blogs, though I find that my blogroll is pretty out of date.....and my template could use some designing or tweaking or some damn thing.
Anyway, this is that post you write when your last post was too heavy and you don't know what to write next.....so you fill in with something.
And now we carry on, pretending nothing happened in the meantime.
Showing posts with label miscellaneous ranting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label miscellaneous ranting. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Saturday, March 07, 2009
A-S-S-U-M-E
Did you ever hear the old saying, when you A-S-S-U-M-E you make an 'ASS' out of 'U' and 'ME'? Yeah, I'm sure you have. Trouble is, lots of people still do it.
Like a now deleted commenter on my previous post, who is not a regular reader, but came here, because of a tweet I did. He thinks that I, and I guess--anyone who disagrees with Mayor David Miller of Toronto is arrogant, asinine, illogical, and what was the other one? Oh yeah, negative.
He assumed that because my current form of birth control is not working and making me feel shitty and depressed that therefore, I am not allowed to comment on politics. That somehow, my brain no longer works. You know, the been-there-done-that hysterical hormonal women theme? Just because I hated David Miller.
Well, to clear up a few things---I feel much better now. A different pill and a nice estrogen boost and I'm much happier.
I still hate David Miller though. Always have, always will. Our current high pretentious dipshit Mayor frankly does a terrible job. I can proudly say that I have never ever voted for him. Not when he was a councillor, and not either time he ran for mayor. I know a lot of people who voted for him and are deeply ashamed of that fact and would give anything to take it back. I don't feel bad for them though.
You see, my brain, and my ability to assess someone's character still work just friggin fine even though I have some hormonal swings. They work fine even when I am depressed and they work just friggin fine when I am filled with joy. And even if they didn't work fine---guess what?
In Canada, there is no test for mental fitness to be a citizen or a voter or a commentator on political life. And politicians have an obligation to listen to me and to represent the mentally unwell's INTERESTS just as much as they have to represent the perfect white upstanding mentally balanced Bay Street lawyer in a suit.
I am equal to everyone else anywhere in this country. When I am medicated, when I am unmedicated, when I dress nice, when I don't, when my IQ is 60 or when it is 160, when I am male or when I am female, when I am in a wheelchair or striding down a street, when I am angry or happy or sad or suicidal or jumping for joy. No matter what is happening in my life, we never lose our right to free speech, or our right to tell a politician to FUCK RIGHT OFF BECAUSE HE SUCKS AT HIS JOB.
You see, this weekend, there is some sort of celebration going on about Toronto's 175th Birthday. No one really knows, because there has been almost no publicity about it, and really, no news coverage. It's that boring. Plus, in this economy, c'mon, if you are going to do something to draw in tourists, make it more fun than root canal. So, in light of the fact that his endless tweets about this boring drivel thing were making me want to stick a fork in my eye---I said so.
I could put up with it if we weren't facing total economic collapse in this city as a direct result of his incompetent leadership, but this guy really has no right to ever leave his desk at this point, much less tweet about it. Toronto has been teetering on the brink of budget collapse for years now all through the boom and he has done nothing. He was going to cut the out of control police budget and spend some money on crime prevention. Instead---he has spent over $400 million hiring new cops and every time the police ask for money, he's their go to guy. Cops now represent over 50% of the city budget when we are in a nationwide crime decline, but he says yes whenever they start some big freak out about gangs and guns. Considering today's headlines, you'd think he'd reconsider, but I'm not holding my breath.
Our streets are a disaster because he refuses to coordinate the private contractors and public road repair crews so that all of them work together at once. Instead they just randomly wander all over town ripping up streets and digging, one year for gas pipes, next year for water, six months later for hydro, a year later for high speed DSL repair. Nevermind that they could just plan it out and do it right all at once in such a way that people could walk, bike and drive around this city without losing their minds from potholes and construction debris. Then again, the city unions we have might object to actually working!
(And before anyone says it--I'm a union woman. I've been a member and I've organized and guess what? I want a good wage and benefits, but I also expect to work productively....I have zero respect for people who think union means they get to sit on their ass and only do their minimum quota, so don't even bother.)
But the thing I really hate about him the most is a problem that relates to my favourite subject. Health, specifically children's health. There are thousands of homes in Toronto that are contaminated with lead intake pipes, and now have lead in the water. Both from city pipes running down streets and pipes leading into houses. (The report has the nerve to use the term "acceptable levels of lead"; umm, no, there is no acceptable level of lead. None.) I already knew about this because before we bought this house I checked to make sure that the street pipe had been replaced, and when I discovered our intake pipe had lead, I paid to have it replaced. It cost a mint, but having struggled with learning problems, no way was I ever going to risk my babies having more problems because of some easy to fix water problem!
Years ago when we did it, during Miller's first term, the guy at the city had actually tried to convince me not to have it done, because "the crud on the inside of the pipe will protect you from the lead." Ummmmm, yah.
And who will protect me from the crud?
Not to mention the bacteria hidden IN the crud?
Anyway, you'd think that knowing that water is a basic human right, and that lead destroys children's brains and adult's body parts like kidneys and livers, that replacing these pipes would be his number one priority, his sine qua none, his reason for working round the clock, his budget centerpiece.
Not so much.
In fact, on his watch, the money that was supposed to be spent fixing the lead pipes was spent on a deep water cooling system for the downtown office buildings instead. Privately owned downtown office buildings, which get their air conditioning from Toronto Hydro, a separately financed entity, which could easily afford to finance the cooling operation without a dime of city water money.
David Miller and his cronies took the money that the taxpayers gave them to save us from lead poisoning, and they used it to install discount air conditioning for rich white dudes on Bay Street.
So was I hormonal when I tweeted? Sure...but I was still right, dead on.
Like a now deleted commenter on my previous post, who is not a regular reader, but came here, because of a tweet I did. He thinks that I, and I guess--anyone who disagrees with Mayor David Miller of Toronto is arrogant, asinine, illogical, and what was the other one? Oh yeah, negative.
He assumed that because my current form of birth control is not working and making me feel shitty and depressed that therefore, I am not allowed to comment on politics. That somehow, my brain no longer works. You know, the been-there-done-that hysterical hormonal women theme? Just because I hated David Miller.
Well, to clear up a few things---I feel much better now. A different pill and a nice estrogen boost and I'm much happier.
I still hate David Miller though. Always have, always will. Our current high pretentious dipshit Mayor frankly does a terrible job. I can proudly say that I have never ever voted for him. Not when he was a councillor, and not either time he ran for mayor. I know a lot of people who voted for him and are deeply ashamed of that fact and would give anything to take it back. I don't feel bad for them though.
You see, my brain, and my ability to assess someone's character still work just friggin fine even though I have some hormonal swings. They work fine even when I am depressed and they work just friggin fine when I am filled with joy. And even if they didn't work fine---guess what?
In Canada, there is no test for mental fitness to be a citizen or a voter or a commentator on political life. And politicians have an obligation to listen to me and to represent the mentally unwell's INTERESTS just as much as they have to represent the perfect white upstanding mentally balanced Bay Street lawyer in a suit.
I am equal to everyone else anywhere in this country. When I am medicated, when I am unmedicated, when I dress nice, when I don't, when my IQ is 60 or when it is 160, when I am male or when I am female, when I am in a wheelchair or striding down a street, when I am angry or happy or sad or suicidal or jumping for joy. No matter what is happening in my life, we never lose our right to free speech, or our right to tell a politician to FUCK RIGHT OFF BECAUSE HE SUCKS AT HIS JOB.
You see, this weekend, there is some sort of celebration going on about Toronto's 175th Birthday. No one really knows, because there has been almost no publicity about it, and really, no news coverage. It's that boring. Plus, in this economy, c'mon, if you are going to do something to draw in tourists, make it more fun than root canal. So, in light of the fact that his endless tweets about this boring drivel thing were making me want to stick a fork in my eye---I said so.
I could put up with it if we weren't facing total economic collapse in this city as a direct result of his incompetent leadership, but this guy really has no right to ever leave his desk at this point, much less tweet about it. Toronto has been teetering on the brink of budget collapse for years now all through the boom and he has done nothing. He was going to cut the out of control police budget and spend some money on crime prevention. Instead---he has spent over $400 million hiring new cops and every time the police ask for money, he's their go to guy. Cops now represent over 50% of the city budget when we are in a nationwide crime decline, but he says yes whenever they start some big freak out about gangs and guns. Considering today's headlines, you'd think he'd reconsider, but I'm not holding my breath.
Our streets are a disaster because he refuses to coordinate the private contractors and public road repair crews so that all of them work together at once. Instead they just randomly wander all over town ripping up streets and digging, one year for gas pipes, next year for water, six months later for hydro, a year later for high speed DSL repair. Nevermind that they could just plan it out and do it right all at once in such a way that people could walk, bike and drive around this city without losing their minds from potholes and construction debris. Then again, the city unions we have might object to actually working!
(And before anyone says it--I'm a union woman. I've been a member and I've organized and guess what? I want a good wage and benefits, but I also expect to work productively....I have zero respect for people who think union means they get to sit on their ass and only do their minimum quota, so don't even bother.)
But the thing I really hate about him the most is a problem that relates to my favourite subject. Health, specifically children's health. There are thousands of homes in Toronto that are contaminated with lead intake pipes, and now have lead in the water. Both from city pipes running down streets and pipes leading into houses. (The report has the nerve to use the term "acceptable levels of lead"; umm, no, there is no acceptable level of lead. None.) I already knew about this because before we bought this house I checked to make sure that the street pipe had been replaced, and when I discovered our intake pipe had lead, I paid to have it replaced. It cost a mint, but having struggled with learning problems, no way was I ever going to risk my babies having more problems because of some easy to fix water problem!
Years ago when we did it, during Miller's first term, the guy at the city had actually tried to convince me not to have it done, because "the crud on the inside of the pipe will protect you from the lead." Ummmmm, yah.
And who will protect me from the crud?
Not to mention the bacteria hidden IN the crud?
Anyway, you'd think that knowing that water is a basic human right, and that lead destroys children's brains and adult's body parts like kidneys and livers, that replacing these pipes would be his number one priority, his sine qua none, his reason for working round the clock, his budget centerpiece.
Not so much.
In fact, on his watch, the money that was supposed to be spent fixing the lead pipes was spent on a deep water cooling system for the downtown office buildings instead. Privately owned downtown office buildings, which get their air conditioning from Toronto Hydro, a separately financed entity, which could easily afford to finance the cooling operation without a dime of city water money.
David Miller and his cronies took the money that the taxpayers gave them to save us from lead poisoning, and they used it to install discount air conditioning for rich white dudes on Bay Street.
So was I hormonal when I tweeted? Sure...but I was still right, dead on.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
You are good for me, now unsubscribe
*Update below*
You give me perspective.
I remember to feel grateful for what I have, and not just what I lack.
When people starting moaning about how poor they are because their portfolio dropped 37%; and really they aren't poor because they actually HAVE a fucking portfolio and they are moaning from a position of privilege, you write and remind me of Darfur or just the average kind of desperation that we real people struggle with.
And I shut my mouth.
I was at a fundraising meeting tonight and I was actually gone from my baby for an entire 3 hours. And when my husband emailed me on the berry trying to trasmit intense guilt about the lack of nannies and frozen breastmilk I totally rolled my eyes, because I actually was not worried. 25 tonnes of gourmet homemade baby food and twelve boxes of cereal means that life is not so bad peeps. The babe will make it.
(Google thinks that the correct spelling for breastmilk is buttermilk; am peeing with laughter *nevermind* *stupid aside* Sadly they also think that the correct spelling of Darfur is "deafer". Good God who is running Google? YOU ASSMORONS AT GOOGLE DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL DARFUR, no wonder everyone there is dying...)
Seriously, there is a point where you wonder if anyone in the real world; the meat world; can handle the real you. The terrible raw honest dead baby crazy lady you. And you try. You trust a few precious people with the real awful you. But they can't handle it. They pretend. They try. They find your blog by accident and they try to be so kind and not tell you that they know all about the real person you are, but it slips and the world is shifted and you just really honest to freaking god wish they would click away and never come back. So you could be you.
In case any of you care, I have a concussion, but not a fractured skull, only because no one has looked with their magic X-RAY machine, or the magic CAT SCAN machine. I also have ADD/ADHD AKA the magic disease that does not exist in the media world, but I'm only saying that so you will quickly unsubscribe from the the crazy lady. The concussion did not cause the ADD, it was already there. Suck it.
Anyway, we finally booked a vacation, but my husband hates me so it may suck a lot. Okay, he really doesn't hate me, but he is kind of peeved with me tonight. Enough? We are going to the Mayan Riviera for March Break, and we are going to an okay fancy-shmancy resort, but not the most perfect one on earth, because it is what it is, and we are going to be happy with what we have and that's good and we got a good price and we need some perspective. My hubs is okay with it finally!!!! Meanwhile, my BFF is driving me insane trying to get us to cancel and go other places, because she is like my sister and worries about us and wants us to have the perfect place. By the way, if you ever have more than two kids and want a vacation online, I know several places that will book five people in a room now. It should be more but really, people who work in the resort industry and have no business to speak of should be more flexible, like sayyyy-be willing to book adjoining rooms, or stick a baby in a room.
BTW, Jackie, who commented on my last post, and is quite welcome to promote herself on my blog, is THE GREATEST MOST TOLERANT TRAVEL AGENT ON EARTH. Feel free to hire her. Anytime.
She will put up with your crazie, anytime. Or at least my level of crazie. Maybe not yours, heh. Cause you just might suck more than me. Hard to believe, but true.
Just sayin'
Ok, only kidding, you really are good for me, likely in fact the best therapy evah. Ten times better than the dickheaded shrinks who drive me crazy.
*Just realized that this title is confusing. Regular blog readers please stay because you are good for me, people who know me from real life either political or personal and are secretly reading me, please unsubscribe.*
You give me perspective.
I remember to feel grateful for what I have, and not just what I lack.
When people starting moaning about how poor they are because their portfolio dropped 37%; and really they aren't poor because they actually HAVE a fucking portfolio and they are moaning from a position of privilege, you write and remind me of Darfur or just the average kind of desperation that we real people struggle with.
And I shut my mouth.
I was at a fundraising meeting tonight and I was actually gone from my baby for an entire 3 hours. And when my husband emailed me on the berry trying to trasmit intense guilt about the lack of nannies and frozen breastmilk I totally rolled my eyes, because I actually was not worried. 25 tonnes of gourmet homemade baby food and twelve boxes of cereal means that life is not so bad peeps. The babe will make it.
(Google thinks that the correct spelling for breastmilk is buttermilk; am peeing with laughter *nevermind* *stupid aside* Sadly they also think that the correct spelling of Darfur is "deafer". Good God who is running Google? YOU ASSMORONS AT GOOGLE DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL DARFUR, no wonder everyone there is dying...)
Seriously, there is a point where you wonder if anyone in the real world; the meat world; can handle the real you. The terrible raw honest dead baby crazy lady you. And you try. You trust a few precious people with the real awful you. But they can't handle it. They pretend. They try. They find your blog by accident and they try to be so kind and not tell you that they know all about the real person you are, but it slips and the world is shifted and you just really honest to freaking god wish they would click away and never come back. So you could be you.
In case any of you care, I have a concussion, but not a fractured skull, only because no one has looked with their magic X-RAY machine, or the magic CAT SCAN machine. I also have ADD/ADHD AKA the magic disease that does not exist in the media world, but I'm only saying that so you will quickly unsubscribe from the the crazy lady. The concussion did not cause the ADD, it was already there. Suck it.
Anyway, we finally booked a vacation, but my husband hates me so it may suck a lot. Okay, he really doesn't hate me, but he is kind of peeved with me tonight. Enough? We are going to the Mayan Riviera for March Break, and we are going to an okay fancy-shmancy resort, but not the most perfect one on earth, because it is what it is, and we are going to be happy with what we have and that's good and we got a good price and we need some perspective. My hubs is okay with it finally!!!! Meanwhile, my BFF is driving me insane trying to get us to cancel and go other places, because she is like my sister and worries about us and wants us to have the perfect place. By the way, if you ever have more than two kids and want a vacation online, I know several places that will book five people in a room now. It should be more but really, people who work in the resort industry and have no business to speak of should be more flexible, like sayyyy-be willing to book adjoining rooms, or stick a baby in a room.
BTW, Jackie, who commented on my last post, and is quite welcome to promote herself on my blog, is THE GREATEST MOST TOLERANT TRAVEL AGENT ON EARTH. Feel free to hire her. Anytime.
She will put up with your crazie, anytime. Or at least my level of crazie. Maybe not yours, heh. Cause you just might suck more than me. Hard to believe, but true.
Just sayin'
Ok, only kidding, you really are good for me, likely in fact the best therapy evah. Ten times better than the dickheaded shrinks who drive me crazy.
*Just realized that this title is confusing. Regular blog readers please stay because you are good for me, people who know me from real life either political or personal and are secretly reading me, please unsubscribe.*
Sunday, February 08, 2009
sleep eludes
Baby Julius now has our collective cold...he can barely breathe what with all the snot. Thank God he is 24 pounds and allowed to take Advil cold and Tylenol Cold. (You know, the stuff they said didn't work? hahahahahahhaha, maybe they should speak to the entire pediatric ENT team at Sick Kids, all of whom heartily endorse it.)
Seriously, I love how the keep banning drugs off the market these days with little or no evidence of harm. It's like the new favourite thing to do is ban everything. In reality, they should just make sure it works for certain things and stick to them and study the drug properly if they have no studies.
Like pediatric decongestant? It works just fine, thanks. There are no studies on it in children. Only adults. But the FDA and Health Canada decided to go thermonuclear and BAN it. Funny thing is, that it likely does work well in children. They just haven't studied it yet. The companies are going to study it now because they are getting a lot of pissed of parents and a lot of high level guys like the ones at Sick Kids who are angry that children are being put in danger of chronic ear infections, ear drum damage, ear tube insertion surgery and possible deafness as a result of dipshit bureaucrats trying to cover their ass.
Oh and did I mention the monetary incentives? You see the ENTs at Sick Kids are paid flat rate salaries they negotiate and they only see the most serious cases, and are incredibly busy, so they don't want to see any unnecessary surgeries. They have enough to do. But the ear tube surgeries are still done regularly for any child who has had more than three ear infections. By local ENT surgeons. Who get paid per procedure, and depend on them to cover the bills. (ENTs also got screwed when it was discovered that tonsillectomies are rarely medically necessary. Business dropped and so did office profits.)
You see, about 7-8 years ago, a Cochrane study came out about the effectiveness of ear tubes for children with chronic ear infections. It turns out that ear tubes do absolutely no good at all for any normal children. They are effective for children with cranio-facial deformities, (like Downs, or flat heads from lying on their backs) but pretty much no other children. In the case of normal children with constant ear infections, they should get the pneumovax vaccine, and stay on children's decongestant to dry up the fluid in their ears. They should also be fed sitting bolt upright at all times, and never ever go to bed with a bottle of anything, water, milk, or juice. Breastfeeding is different because you can't culture germs in it and it can't come out of a breast unless the baby is actively sucking and swallowing, so therefore it can't pool in the ear tube and drum and brew up an infection.
The Ontario Ministry of Health could do something about this, and stop paying for a multitude of medically unnecessary procedures, (arthroscopic knee surgery, ear tubes, frozen shoulder rotations, preventative appendectomies, cystoscopies with irrigation, etc, etc...) and someday pay for medically necessary ones, like IVF with SET and PGD or miscarriage treatment, or helmets for plagiocephaly.
Health Canada could operate on the basis of medical evidence for drug safety and say---do things to prevent the death of babies and improve maternal infant fetal health.
But if that were to happen, all hell would break loose, the universe would end, and sunshine and rainbows would come bursting out of my ass.
You know, because it would mean the Doctors actually give a flying fuck about saving lives instead of cold hard cash.
Seriously, I love how the keep banning drugs off the market these days with little or no evidence of harm. It's like the new favourite thing to do is ban everything. In reality, they should just make sure it works for certain things and stick to them and study the drug properly if they have no studies.
Like pediatric decongestant? It works just fine, thanks. There are no studies on it in children. Only adults. But the FDA and Health Canada decided to go thermonuclear and BAN it. Funny thing is, that it likely does work well in children. They just haven't studied it yet. The companies are going to study it now because they are getting a lot of pissed of parents and a lot of high level guys like the ones at Sick Kids who are angry that children are being put in danger of chronic ear infections, ear drum damage, ear tube insertion surgery and possible deafness as a result of dipshit bureaucrats trying to cover their ass.
Oh and did I mention the monetary incentives? You see the ENTs at Sick Kids are paid flat rate salaries they negotiate and they only see the most serious cases, and are incredibly busy, so they don't want to see any unnecessary surgeries. They have enough to do. But the ear tube surgeries are still done regularly for any child who has had more than three ear infections. By local ENT surgeons. Who get paid per procedure, and depend on them to cover the bills. (ENTs also got screwed when it was discovered that tonsillectomies are rarely medically necessary. Business dropped and so did office profits.)
You see, about 7-8 years ago, a Cochrane study came out about the effectiveness of ear tubes for children with chronic ear infections. It turns out that ear tubes do absolutely no good at all for any normal children. They are effective for children with cranio-facial deformities, (like Downs, or flat heads from lying on their backs) but pretty much no other children. In the case of normal children with constant ear infections, they should get the pneumovax vaccine, and stay on children's decongestant to dry up the fluid in their ears. They should also be fed sitting bolt upright at all times, and never ever go to bed with a bottle of anything, water, milk, or juice. Breastfeeding is different because you can't culture germs in it and it can't come out of a breast unless the baby is actively sucking and swallowing, so therefore it can't pool in the ear tube and drum and brew up an infection.
The Ontario Ministry of Health could do something about this, and stop paying for a multitude of medically unnecessary procedures, (arthroscopic knee surgery, ear tubes, frozen shoulder rotations, preventative appendectomies, cystoscopies with irrigation, etc, etc...) and someday pay for medically necessary ones, like IVF with SET and PGD or miscarriage treatment, or helmets for plagiocephaly.
Health Canada could operate on the basis of medical evidence for drug safety and say---do things to prevent the death of babies and improve maternal infant fetal health.
But if that were to happen, all hell would break loose, the universe would end, and sunshine and rainbows would come bursting out of my ass.
You know, because it would mean the Doctors actually give a flying fuck about saving lives instead of cold hard cash.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
About the last post
My brother in law is safe and sound in Canada. And nobody tasered him!!!
Only problem is the endless armchair diagnoses flying around now. Why does everybody think they are a shrink? You should hear the medical terms flying around!
His very skilled Doctors, and his unskilled ones, all agree that he has some form of depression (regular, severe, bipolar, chronic, etc...pick one) and addiction and alcoholism. They also agree that he has some brain damage from the strokes and heart bypass operation. That is enough isn't it? I guess not for the family and friends because they can't believe the difference in him off meds, vs. on meds. (Anyone wanna tell me if you all act differently off meds vs. on meds? ) I personally think they are just very emotional on the subject and are having trouble being objective. They love him and they are angry with him, but they can't see it.
Meanwhile, a list of what they think he has? Or will do to others? (With no evidence, mind you.)
Narcicissim
Schizophrenia
Sociopathic disorder
Personality Disorder
Street Drug Addiction
Immoral character
They also think he will engage in violent abusive stalking towards random women, be abusive towards children, steal things, set things on fire, turn into a serial killer.
I'm just waiting for the accusation of him being a terrorist. *eyeroll*
These are the same people who haven't actually seen him in 15 years. Or if they have seen him, it was only for a few hours here and there. I'm thinking that maybe they should try to remember the guy he was for the first 50 years of his life, who showed absolutely no sign of any of these issues, and never ever hurt a child or anyone else. Not once.
After his stroke, and the brain damage and his meds got screwed up and he started drinking he changed dramatically. But the only person he ever hurt was himself. He yelled and screamed at his ex-wives, (and they gave as good as they got) and he engaged in endless legal fights. He has said and done unconscionable things when he was off his meds or drunk out of his mind. But he has never ever physically hurt another person. And as weak as he is, he will likely never be able to hurt anyone else. He is a fool and has likely ruined his life and his career and will never recover. He was an asshole sometimes in the first fifty years, and he possessed a razor sharp wit---but that isn't mental illness.
But a sociopath?
Street drugs? He's only ever touched prescription ones...
Schizophrenia comes on much earlier in life. A hell of a lot earlier than fifty!
The amount of misunderstanding towards the mentally ill in our society never ceases to amaze me. I just hope that the family can see past their anger and their shame and accept that he is sick. We all get angry sometimes, I certainly do, but in the end, he needs help and it certainly won't happen if everyone thinks he is Label X, and writes him off.
Only problem is the endless armchair diagnoses flying around now. Why does everybody think they are a shrink? You should hear the medical terms flying around!
His very skilled Doctors, and his unskilled ones, all agree that he has some form of depression (regular, severe, bipolar, chronic, etc...pick one) and addiction and alcoholism. They also agree that he has some brain damage from the strokes and heart bypass operation. That is enough isn't it? I guess not for the family and friends because they can't believe the difference in him off meds, vs. on meds. (Anyone wanna tell me if you all act differently off meds vs. on meds? ) I personally think they are just very emotional on the subject and are having trouble being objective. They love him and they are angry with him, but they can't see it.
Meanwhile, a list of what they think he has? Or will do to others? (With no evidence, mind you.)
Narcicissim
Schizophrenia
Sociopathic disorder
Personality Disorder
Street Drug Addiction
Immoral character
They also think he will engage in violent abusive stalking towards random women, be abusive towards children, steal things, set things on fire, turn into a serial killer.
I'm just waiting for the accusation of him being a terrorist. *eyeroll*
These are the same people who haven't actually seen him in 15 years. Or if they have seen him, it was only for a few hours here and there. I'm thinking that maybe they should try to remember the guy he was for the first 50 years of his life, who showed absolutely no sign of any of these issues, and never ever hurt a child or anyone else. Not once.
After his stroke, and the brain damage and his meds got screwed up and he started drinking he changed dramatically. But the only person he ever hurt was himself. He yelled and screamed at his ex-wives, (and they gave as good as they got) and he engaged in endless legal fights. He has said and done unconscionable things when he was off his meds or drunk out of his mind. But he has never ever physically hurt another person. And as weak as he is, he will likely never be able to hurt anyone else. He is a fool and has likely ruined his life and his career and will never recover. He was an asshole sometimes in the first fifty years, and he possessed a razor sharp wit---but that isn't mental illness.
But a sociopath?
Street drugs? He's only ever touched prescription ones...
Schizophrenia comes on much earlier in life. A hell of a lot earlier than fifty!
The amount of misunderstanding towards the mentally ill in our society never ceases to amaze me. I just hope that the family can see past their anger and their shame and accept that he is sick. We all get angry sometimes, I certainly do, but in the end, he needs help and it certainly won't happen if everyone thinks he is Label X, and writes him off.
Friday, January 02, 2009
Resolutions for a New Year
My last couple of posts have been depressing, so I think I need to be a bit cheerier, or at least make some effort.
I have decided to go to BlogHer in July in Chicago. I really want to meet all of you, or at least hang around on your cool kid coat tails. (I'll be the nerd who doesn't want anyone to know the her real identity, or the nerd who tells strangers she has a political blog in her name as a secret cover, but only tells the infertiles about her secret undercover identity as Aurelia. And if you understood that, you deserve a medal for grammer and comprehension. )
Yes, our house is falling apart, and although my husband freaks if I even mention the reno, I need to call the architect and get it going again. Mr.Cotta and I can afford the reno, and desperately need to reno, either big or small, but he has been freaked out by the economy and insists that we should wait until we have all the money in hand before we do it. Well, that will take a couple of years, and the house is now trying to tell us what the engineer already did. Either we spend serious cash repairing some things like roof and foundation this spring, or we reno. This year. No waiting allowed. Period. So I am calling the architect and asking him to just speak to me and he and I will do several plans up and work again, and then we'll see what we will see. I figure as long as he and I keep it away from the husband, he can live comfortably in denial and when and if he faces facts, I'll have a complete set of plans for him to look at. I'm not going to lie to him, I'll tell him I'm calling the architect, but it will be one of those things we never ever talk about, unless he asks and assures me he will be calm and reasoned about it.
Weight/Exercise: Never ever in my life have I had to diet after a baby. Breastfeeding is usually like liposuction for me. Not this time....I guess multiple pregnancies kind of do that. In August, I was 151 pounds. Bloody enormous for me since I am very short and small-boned. My usual weight is anywhere from 110-115, not muscled, and with muscle, should be about 120-125. With some diligence, mostly involving only taking a few cookies instead of a box, or one steak instead of two, or only having a few glasses of wine instead of 3 or 4, I had dropped to 138 recently. Some clothes fit better, and I felt better. Then I was out shopping for my christmas gift, (a fabulous new purse, a really really nice one, instead of the crummy mummy ones I've carried for years), and feeling awesome and beautiful and happy, and I saw a political friend who did not know about Julius. Big greetings! We chatted about politics, and he then he gestured towards my stomach and said, "So, you are expecting another addition to the family?" My heart sank as I realized that he thought I was obviously pregnant, when dammit, I ALREADY HAD the baby. I sort of ignored his question by just telling him about Julius and how great it was, blah blah, cause he is nice and he just made a mistake. And no, he shouldn't have asked that question of any woman, but still, he really did think that, which tells me that I have more weight to lose.
So as of Monday when the kids are back in school, no more cookies, no more treats, no more wine, AT ALL, and no more screwing around. At least until I get to a goal weight. Then I can have some treats again. Small portions, good food, and I really need to get my ass in gear. My abs are recovered, and I need to get some muscle going and some weight bearing exercise if I don't want to break a hip. I already have osteoporosis, so that's risk enough. I take lots of D and calcium, and I am back on HRT, but oh boy, I need to get my body back in shape. I'm 40, time to grow up.
Skin care - I'm going to see a dermatologist and maybe a plastic surgeon. I've been dicking around for years about all these freckles and sun spots and rough patches and pretending it didn't matter, and I'm young and who cares. But again, if I want to look good and not miss a case of skin cancer someday I need to pay attention. I spent lots of years burning and tanning as a child, and even though I reformed as a twenty year old, it's not enough. I already have this weird rough spot on my nose that I think is definitely not acne and needs attention. And yes, I will likely get some laser resurfacing and hair removal and scar removal and other things done that are purely cosmetic. I've always been a pretty good-looking woman and premature ovarian failure, plus age has really screwed with my skin and hair and nails. If I let it go, I'm going to look 50 or 60, not 40. Screw that. Looking my age, fine, looking twenty years older? Not on the table.
My eyesight: More lasers, this time for laser eye surgery. I'm bloody legally blind people. This sucks. I want to be able to see without contacts. I can live with occasional use of reading glasses, but not this. I looked into it before, but I was told that doing it immediately post-baby is a bad idea. Well, seven months later is fine. Time to get them done.
My non-existent career, job, education prospects: I need to finally apply to go back to school and get a second degree or another different degree. I should likely get some LD testing to help with this application process, I guess. It might explain to universities, why I have such an uneven resume and transcripts. I want to, and we can afford it, and it will make me happy. I could get another boring old job job, but I hated that, so why would I bother? I want to make some money doing something I love, not something I tolerate.
Letting go: I stupidly looked at the facebook group for my old high school and university. Now, THAT was depressing people. The kids who were bullies then are still bullies and still nasty and stupid and ignorant. Only this time, they run the alumni association. I met one a few years back in my neighbourhood, and even though she had been a bitch to me years ago, I smiled nicely. Well, she looked at me like I was a piece of shit on the bottom of her shoe. I think that maybe it's time to just walk away and never think about the cruddy awful people from my past again. Why am I wasting my energy on them? Bleccchhh.
Will it all work out? Who knows? Will I do any of this? Who knows?
Stay tuned and see what happens next!
I have decided to go to BlogHer in July in Chicago. I really want to meet all of you, or at least hang around on your cool kid coat tails. (I'll be the nerd who doesn't want anyone to know the her real identity, or the nerd who tells strangers she has a political blog in her name as a secret cover, but only tells the infertiles about her secret undercover identity as Aurelia. And if you understood that, you deserve a medal for grammer and comprehension. )
Yes, our house is falling apart, and although my husband freaks if I even mention the reno, I need to call the architect and get it going again. Mr.Cotta and I can afford the reno, and desperately need to reno, either big or small, but he has been freaked out by the economy and insists that we should wait until we have all the money in hand before we do it. Well, that will take a couple of years, and the house is now trying to tell us what the engineer already did. Either we spend serious cash repairing some things like roof and foundation this spring, or we reno. This year. No waiting allowed. Period. So I am calling the architect and asking him to just speak to me and he and I will do several plans up and work again, and then we'll see what we will see. I figure as long as he and I keep it away from the husband, he can live comfortably in denial and when and if he faces facts, I'll have a complete set of plans for him to look at. I'm not going to lie to him, I'll tell him I'm calling the architect, but it will be one of those things we never ever talk about, unless he asks and assures me he will be calm and reasoned about it.
Weight/Exercise: Never ever in my life have I had to diet after a baby. Breastfeeding is usually like liposuction for me. Not this time....I guess multiple pregnancies kind of do that. In August, I was 151 pounds. Bloody enormous for me since I am very short and small-boned. My usual weight is anywhere from 110-115, not muscled, and with muscle, should be about 120-125. With some diligence, mostly involving only taking a few cookies instead of a box, or one steak instead of two, or only having a few glasses of wine instead of 3 or 4, I had dropped to 138 recently. Some clothes fit better, and I felt better. Then I was out shopping for my christmas gift, (a fabulous new purse, a really really nice one, instead of the crummy mummy ones I've carried for years), and feeling awesome and beautiful and happy, and I saw a political friend who did not know about Julius. Big greetings! We chatted about politics, and he then he gestured towards my stomach and said, "So, you are expecting another addition to the family?" My heart sank as I realized that he thought I was obviously pregnant, when dammit, I ALREADY HAD the baby. I sort of ignored his question by just telling him about Julius and how great it was, blah blah, cause he is nice and he just made a mistake. And no, he shouldn't have asked that question of any woman, but still, he really did think that, which tells me that I have more weight to lose.
So as of Monday when the kids are back in school, no more cookies, no more treats, no more wine, AT ALL, and no more screwing around. At least until I get to a goal weight. Then I can have some treats again. Small portions, good food, and I really need to get my ass in gear. My abs are recovered, and I need to get some muscle going and some weight bearing exercise if I don't want to break a hip. I already have osteoporosis, so that's risk enough. I take lots of D and calcium, and I am back on HRT, but oh boy, I need to get my body back in shape. I'm 40, time to grow up.
Skin care - I'm going to see a dermatologist and maybe a plastic surgeon. I've been dicking around for years about all these freckles and sun spots and rough patches and pretending it didn't matter, and I'm young and who cares. But again, if I want to look good and not miss a case of skin cancer someday I need to pay attention. I spent lots of years burning and tanning as a child, and even though I reformed as a twenty year old, it's not enough. I already have this weird rough spot on my nose that I think is definitely not acne and needs attention. And yes, I will likely get some laser resurfacing and hair removal and scar removal and other things done that are purely cosmetic. I've always been a pretty good-looking woman and premature ovarian failure, plus age has really screwed with my skin and hair and nails. If I let it go, I'm going to look 50 or 60, not 40. Screw that. Looking my age, fine, looking twenty years older? Not on the table.
My eyesight: More lasers, this time for laser eye surgery. I'm bloody legally blind people. This sucks. I want to be able to see without contacts. I can live with occasional use of reading glasses, but not this. I looked into it before, but I was told that doing it immediately post-baby is a bad idea. Well, seven months later is fine. Time to get them done.
My non-existent career, job, education prospects: I need to finally apply to go back to school and get a second degree or another different degree. I should likely get some LD testing to help with this application process, I guess. It might explain to universities, why I have such an uneven resume and transcripts. I want to, and we can afford it, and it will make me happy. I could get another boring old job job, but I hated that, so why would I bother? I want to make some money doing something I love, not something I tolerate.
Letting go: I stupidly looked at the facebook group for my old high school and university. Now, THAT was depressing people. The kids who were bullies then are still bullies and still nasty and stupid and ignorant. Only this time, they run the alumni association. I met one a few years back in my neighbourhood, and even though she had been a bitch to me years ago, I smiled nicely. Well, she looked at me like I was a piece of shit on the bottom of her shoe. I think that maybe it's time to just walk away and never think about the cruddy awful people from my past again. Why am I wasting my energy on them? Bleccchhh.
Will it all work out? Who knows? Will I do any of this? Who knows?
Stay tuned and see what happens next!
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Happy bad me New Year!
Dear people who live in my neighbourhood:
Please start selling some more of your houses. None of you seem to have any houses for sale, and I really really friggin need to buy a new house, k?
My basement has flooded twice and now part of my roof has fallen in in the last two weeks alone, and the bathtub no longer works, and I mostly am still smiling, but seriously? I need to reno, which darling hubs is not keen on, or I need to get a new place.
And none of you with the nice houses I want seem to be selling yet. Only the crappy houses like mine.
So please hurry up and sell, ok? Cause there is a bucket in my kid's room catching roof drips, and ummm, that sucks!!! And I am running out of good cheer and optimism.
Anyone have any?
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Just insane
I'm trying to keep up, but I have reached the conclusion that I am being thwarted by fate. Everytime I get a little ahead, I get behind. Way behind.
Like today? Everything that could break, has. Not just my internet, but my entire home network had to be reprogrammed, my breast pump got milk backing up into the motor and I think has burned out, my blackberry cannot sync with my computer, my fridge smells odd even though the entire thing has been cleaned and scrubbed and dumped, my furnace and humidifier don't work properly even though I have checked and readjusted them a dozen times, my new car is not doing what it is supposed to be doing, (like the locks don't work and some asshole rifled through it and stole a bunch of parking money from the console), the blender burned out when my husband used it, everytime I send emails to other parents in the kid's classes my emails get stuck in spam boxes and never arrive, I tried paying bills, but the amounts don't add up, plus the tax payment is off kilter, and now I have no idea how much money in the accounts is ours, and how much belongs to the government, and best of all, my uterus is playing games and I have just had the longest most awful period in the history of mankind.
Passports? Supposed to be ready weeks ago, they got completely screwed up, as I predicted, and the only reason we have them now, is because I sent in "The Man". ("The Man" btw, does not refer to an actual male per se, but to anyone who is a Boss, or powerful, and authoritative, and has the cojones/guts/wherewithal to stand up and tell others what to do, and then gets obeyed without question.) Sometimes I think the only reason Bay Street law firms exist is because they provide a venue for hiring "The Man" as a hired gun for people like me.
Anyway, finally got the passports after showing up with "The Man" in my case, an imposing white male over 40 lawyer in a thousand dollar suit. No one gave a shit when little ol' powerless stay at home mommy me showed up, but him? Nadda problem, YES SIR, NO SIR, SAME DAY OF COURSE SIR, MAY I KISS YOUR ASS SIR? I swear, this whole mess has me convinced that I should simply never ever cross a border again. Or at least not without someone like that tucked in my suitcase, you know? Weird thing is, I can do that stuff with Doctors. I have no fear of them. Lots of them have almost killed me, so really, what the fuck more can they do to me? But Governments? Especially the bureaucratic levels? Urghhhh.
I should set up some sort of exchange system. Like I will be "The Man" for any of you who need help making Doctors to do what you need health-wise, and one of you will cross borders with me, and help me fill out tax forms. Anyone game?
Then again, who am I kidding. At this rate, I will not be able to post this, because as I try, blogger will break, and then the internet again, and then I will really never make it to visit my friend who just had a baby. Dinner isn't even planned, and I'm late to get Mac from school.
And I haven't bought any Christmas presents.
P.S. Now I have a cold.
P.P.S. I'm sure the bit about "the man" sounds sexist, but life doesn't always work the way I want it to, and sometimes, you just have to play the game the way they make you if you ever want to go to friggin' Disneyland.
Like today? Everything that could break, has. Not just my internet, but my entire home network had to be reprogrammed, my breast pump got milk backing up into the motor and I think has burned out, my blackberry cannot sync with my computer, my fridge smells odd even though the entire thing has been cleaned and scrubbed and dumped, my furnace and humidifier don't work properly even though I have checked and readjusted them a dozen times, my new car is not doing what it is supposed to be doing, (like the locks don't work and some asshole rifled through it and stole a bunch of parking money from the console), the blender burned out when my husband used it, everytime I send emails to other parents in the kid's classes my emails get stuck in spam boxes and never arrive, I tried paying bills, but the amounts don't add up, plus the tax payment is off kilter, and now I have no idea how much money in the accounts is ours, and how much belongs to the government, and best of all, my uterus is playing games and I have just had the longest most awful period in the history of mankind.
Passports? Supposed to be ready weeks ago, they got completely screwed up, as I predicted, and the only reason we have them now, is because I sent in "The Man". ("The Man" btw, does not refer to an actual male per se, but to anyone who is a Boss, or powerful, and authoritative, and has the cojones/guts/wherewithal to stand up and tell others what to do, and then gets obeyed without question.) Sometimes I think the only reason Bay Street law firms exist is because they provide a venue for hiring "The Man" as a hired gun for people like me.
Anyway, finally got the passports after showing up with "The Man" in my case, an imposing white male over 40 lawyer in a thousand dollar suit. No one gave a shit when little ol' powerless stay at home mommy me showed up, but him? Nadda problem, YES SIR, NO SIR, SAME DAY OF COURSE SIR, MAY I KISS YOUR ASS SIR? I swear, this whole mess has me convinced that I should simply never ever cross a border again. Or at least not without someone like that tucked in my suitcase, you know? Weird thing is, I can do that stuff with Doctors. I have no fear of them. Lots of them have almost killed me, so really, what the fuck more can they do to me? But Governments? Especially the bureaucratic levels? Urghhhh.
I should set up some sort of exchange system. Like I will be "The Man" for any of you who need help making Doctors to do what you need health-wise, and one of you will cross borders with me, and help me fill out tax forms. Anyone game?
Then again, who am I kidding. At this rate, I will not be able to post this, because as I try, blogger will break, and then the internet again, and then I will really never make it to visit my friend who just had a baby. Dinner isn't even planned, and I'm late to get Mac from school.
And I haven't bought any Christmas presents.
P.S. Now I have a cold.
P.P.S. I'm sure the bit about "the man" sounds sexist, but life doesn't always work the way I want it to, and sometimes, you just have to play the game the way they make you if you ever want to go to friggin' Disneyland.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
ok, crisis averted temporarily
P. my brother in law, has been admitted to a hospital in Europe and at least for now, all the sharp instruments have been removed from his reach, and all the antifreeze locked up, padded cell and all.
No, I'm not kidding.
You might remember last February when he was admitted after a suicide attempt, and we brought him back to Canada, and got him into a hospital here? He was physically, and mentally ill, and addicted to drugs and alcohol. Anyway, after he recovered and got sober he felt much better. So much better that he got pissed off at us for assuming he was ever ill to begin with. Denial I think they call it.
So he ran back to Europe without telling us and promptly forgot to take his meds, started randomly self-medicating and drinking again and burned through all the money he had saved up to live on.
Then instead of negotiating properly and legally with his wife, he started acting like an ass, and she did everything she could to bait him and egg him on to destruction, and well, it deteriorated from there. Before you say it, he was terrible to her the last two years, no question.
But she is probably the single worst life partner he could have picked. Simpering, spoiled, selfish, naive don't even begin to cover it. He treated her like a princess for their whole marriage, supporting her, showering her with love and care and gifts, and it would've worked fine if he had stayed healthy and rich. But he became ill and needed a heart bypass. When he could no longer pay for designer clothes, etc...and it turned they might have to live like middle class peons, and horrors she might have to get a job, she turned on him. He became depressed, she started complaining to her mother, who harangued him, he started drinking and got sicker and sicker, she still refused to work, even though bills were piling up and his industry was in the tank.
Finally she left him, taking the kids far enough away that he couldn't see them regularly, which she knew would kill him. She also took all the money and the assets and left him homeless, in poverty, and disabled and unable to work.
Not so shocking he wanted to die, eh?
Anyway, he is safe for the moment, but we have no idea what will happen next. Personally, I hope that country's government sends little miss rich bitch a bill for his treatment and makes her pay some support until he can recover. She might have to sell the mansion she is living in. Again she doesn't have to talk to him, or see him, but I do think that her continued policy of hoping he simply disappears will not work. He is the father of those children, and someday they will find out how she treated their Dad at the worst moment of his life. Is this how she wants it to look?
In light of the fact that feedburner is screwed up, this post may not get seen by very many of you, but if you're out there, thanks for reading my rants. I need to get this out.
Off to make a gingerbread house. Between that and politics and my crazy extended family, I have things to do peeps.
Smooch.
No, I'm not kidding.
You might remember last February when he was admitted after a suicide attempt, and we brought him back to Canada, and got him into a hospital here? He was physically, and mentally ill, and addicted to drugs and alcohol. Anyway, after he recovered and got sober he felt much better. So much better that he got pissed off at us for assuming he was ever ill to begin with. Denial I think they call it.
So he ran back to Europe without telling us and promptly forgot to take his meds, started randomly self-medicating and drinking again and burned through all the money he had saved up to live on.
Then instead of negotiating properly and legally with his wife, he started acting like an ass, and she did everything she could to bait him and egg him on to destruction, and well, it deteriorated from there. Before you say it, he was terrible to her the last two years, no question.
But she is probably the single worst life partner he could have picked. Simpering, spoiled, selfish, naive don't even begin to cover it. He treated her like a princess for their whole marriage, supporting her, showering her with love and care and gifts, and it would've worked fine if he had stayed healthy and rich. But he became ill and needed a heart bypass. When he could no longer pay for designer clothes, etc...and it turned they might have to live like middle class peons, and horrors she might have to get a job, she turned on him. He became depressed, she started complaining to her mother, who harangued him, he started drinking and got sicker and sicker, she still refused to work, even though bills were piling up and his industry was in the tank.
Finally she left him, taking the kids far enough away that he couldn't see them regularly, which she knew would kill him. She also took all the money and the assets and left him homeless, in poverty, and disabled and unable to work.
Not so shocking he wanted to die, eh?
Anyway, he is safe for the moment, but we have no idea what will happen next. Personally, I hope that country's government sends little miss rich bitch a bill for his treatment and makes her pay some support until he can recover. She might have to sell the mansion she is living in. Again she doesn't have to talk to him, or see him, but I do think that her continued policy of hoping he simply disappears will not work. He is the father of those children, and someday they will find out how she treated their Dad at the worst moment of his life. Is this how she wants it to look?
In light of the fact that feedburner is screwed up, this post may not get seen by very many of you, but if you're out there, thanks for reading my rants. I need to get this out.
Off to make a gingerbread house. Between that and politics and my crazy extended family, I have things to do peeps.
Smooch.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I don't want to do anything
I have paperwork and organizing and emailing and a zillion other things to do, and frankly I'd rather not do any of it.
Is it bad that I just want to curl up and pretend the universe isn't doing anything, and it doesn't matter if I ever get my calendar and contacts up to date?
And I'm behind on blogs too, because I just can't keep up with NaBloMoPo reading, never mind commenting, and I haven't even started in on Christmas preparation. I am annoyed at how my blog looks and I'd love to do a makeover and update my blog list and what have you, but that would be risky and require concentration and I'm just plain out of that. (Even if I hired someone to do it, they'd likely want me to tell them what to do, and I have NO creative ideas right now, none.) My husband wants me to get some things done around the house, like get the dining room chairs repaired, but that requires an entire day long separation from the baby or schlepping him around to fabric stores, plus he wants me to go buy a new stove, but he doesn't want to pick it out. Which means I will likely buy the wrong one. And I am having more passport trouble, and I can't find a decent vacation place for Christmas for five, everything is for four. Unless we skip school and go in February or January. Crap....
I think I'm also in a bit of a bad mood because lately, I've been taking some risks and telling people what I think, gently and politely phrased, but still, being honest, and it's not always a good idea. I think the world appreciates liars better.
Mostly, it's the hot flashes. My estrogen wasn't supposed to drop this quickly while I was still breastfeeding exclusively, and yet, here I am, sweaty and hot and having temperature issues and cranky and irritated. I had some estrogen and started taking it again, but then I ran out and now I can't see my GP til next week to get a new scrip. (It's not exactly an emergency in their books...I get it, but still, crap!) Ovarian failure sucks, and not just on the pregnancy front.
Plus, the baby is up teething, or something....he just doesn't want to sleep. I can handle him getting up once at night, but 5-6 times is killing me. I don't know if his room is too cold, or the Grobag is letting his arms flap in his face. He broke out of his swaddle blanket a few weeks ago and I switched him over to the Grobag, but other than making an extra large swaddle blanket with industrial strength velcro, I have no idea what to do. He's nineteen pounds and strong as an ox, but he can't quite roll over both ways all alone, so I doubt anything will work that I buy. (He can roll over from front to back, but not quite back to front. Almost.)
Okay, I have to go do some stuff for the baptism party we are planning for him. The party I have NO motivation to plan for, but have to do since it's coming up.
I just feel like crap.
Is it bad that I just want to curl up and pretend the universe isn't doing anything, and it doesn't matter if I ever get my calendar and contacts up to date?
And I'm behind on blogs too, because I just can't keep up with NaBloMoPo reading, never mind commenting, and I haven't even started in on Christmas preparation. I am annoyed at how my blog looks and I'd love to do a makeover and update my blog list and what have you, but that would be risky and require concentration and I'm just plain out of that. (Even if I hired someone to do it, they'd likely want me to tell them what to do, and I have NO creative ideas right now, none.) My husband wants me to get some things done around the house, like get the dining room chairs repaired, but that requires an entire day long separation from the baby or schlepping him around to fabric stores, plus he wants me to go buy a new stove, but he doesn't want to pick it out. Which means I will likely buy the wrong one. And I am having more passport trouble, and I can't find a decent vacation place for Christmas for five, everything is for four. Unless we skip school and go in February or January. Crap....
I think I'm also in a bit of a bad mood because lately, I've been taking some risks and telling people what I think, gently and politely phrased, but still, being honest, and it's not always a good idea. I think the world appreciates liars better.
Mostly, it's the hot flashes. My estrogen wasn't supposed to drop this quickly while I was still breastfeeding exclusively, and yet, here I am, sweaty and hot and having temperature issues and cranky and irritated. I had some estrogen and started taking it again, but then I ran out and now I can't see my GP til next week to get a new scrip. (It's not exactly an emergency in their books...I get it, but still, crap!) Ovarian failure sucks, and not just on the pregnancy front.
Plus, the baby is up teething, or something....he just doesn't want to sleep. I can handle him getting up once at night, but 5-6 times is killing me. I don't know if his room is too cold, or the Grobag is letting his arms flap in his face. He broke out of his swaddle blanket a few weeks ago and I switched him over to the Grobag, but other than making an extra large swaddle blanket with industrial strength velcro, I have no idea what to do. He's nineteen pounds and strong as an ox, but he can't quite roll over both ways all alone, so I doubt anything will work that I buy. (He can roll over from front to back, but not quite back to front. Almost.)
Okay, I have to go do some stuff for the baptism party we are planning for him. The party I have NO motivation to plan for, but have to do since it's coming up.
I just feel like crap.
Sunday, October 05, 2008
sick babies
It's been a long week/weekend here with a sick baby. The spit ups are awful so I guess we're back to get prilosec or losec or whatever. plus he's arching his back and crying and generally acting out of character. typing one handed to post this sorry.
thing is, now he has a fever, not high or severe, but still bad. I am so freaking wiped right now.....
finally did some things on my to-do list.....should've slept instead.
i'm very upset that no one seems to get that we have a severe credit crisis here in canada as well. our banks are okay, but if no one can borrow or lend money, things will not look good soon.
more later, nanny will be here in 10 hours, i'll be able to sleep then. have to walk the baby now so he doesn't scream again.....
thing is, now he has a fever, not high or severe, but still bad. I am so freaking wiped right now.....
finally did some things on my to-do list.....should've slept instead.
i'm very upset that no one seems to get that we have a severe credit crisis here in canada as well. our banks are okay, but if no one can borrow or lend money, things will not look good soon.
more later, nanny will be here in 10 hours, i'll be able to sleep then. have to walk the baby now so he doesn't scream again.....
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Again...
The internet broke again and I spend all day fixing it with the help of the good citizens of India. And in case you were wondering, I fixed the whole internet, not just my corner of it.
And I did it backwards, in heels, dammit.
Without a nanny. Who went home sick at noon. Leaving me to fend for myself preparing the house for my sister-in-law to visit and see Julius for the first time. This btw is the sil who does not like me, but makes an effort because of my husband. Same for me towards her. And she and Mr.Cotta have been fighting about Mr.Cotta's brother P. and it's all really straight to hell in a handbasket.....so the family was gathered tonight to try and gingerly get along and make up and be nice and supportive.
And it worked, sort of. My estrogen is incredibly low, almost non-existent so I'm on edge like a madwoman, but I kept it in check and we all tidied up and stuff. Even so, I think that everyone we've met is freaked about something, like schools, or money, or politics.
Money mostly, this financial craziness on the markets has got everyone on tenterhooks, everyone worried, even when they don't have any real worries. Like us, for example? We're okay because we have concentrated on paying off debt. Credit cards, lines of credit, and the mortgage, all gone bit by bit, then we have saved up some money in cash, and we have income from the business, more income than before, simply because we paid down the debt and I'm not making interest payments to the evil banks. A far cry from four years ago when I sometimes had to pay the mortgage with credit cards, and be very very careful.
When it gets down to it, we don't have much invested because we didn't have any real money to invest, apart from a little in RRSPs. (retirement plans in Canada, for my US readers) And most of that is in boring stuff like bonds and things.
Meanwhile, I'm continually amazed by the otherwise sensible people I know who have huge debts and then in the last few weeks, took whatever money they had and tried to play the market and short sell risky stocks. (They figured they could beat the market, make a killing and pay off their losses. *Eyeroll*) Or others who had large amounts of stock and investments and had never even thought of paying down any debts. Just lived like they were having fun forever. Now---they are wiped out financially and worried about paying the bills. They can't cover their margin calls, much less the groceries.
And those people, are now infecting others with their fear. Like some friends of mine who have government jobs, steady income, guaranteed pensions---they are FINE, but are freaking out by association. Others who are retired, no debt, and were very conservatively invested and have no losses are also freaking out by association. I mean, some people are recession proofed in every economy yet their perception is that they are not. Interesting how human psychology works, eh?
I personally am not going to let this thing affect me. It's bad enough when your hormones are on a rollercoaster, but when you let other people's finances affect you? Nope, no way. If we get into trouble, then I'll change my tune, but until then, I'm just going to feel bad on behalf of others.
So how many of you are in trouble? Little trouble? Lots? Enough to screw up your fertility funding? Your houses? Your health?
And I did it backwards, in heels, dammit.
Without a nanny. Who went home sick at noon. Leaving me to fend for myself preparing the house for my sister-in-law to visit and see Julius for the first time. This btw is the sil who does not like me, but makes an effort because of my husband. Same for me towards her. And she and Mr.Cotta have been fighting about Mr.Cotta's brother P. and it's all really straight to hell in a handbasket.....so the family was gathered tonight to try and gingerly get along and make up and be nice and supportive.
And it worked, sort of. My estrogen is incredibly low, almost non-existent so I'm on edge like a madwoman, but I kept it in check and we all tidied up and stuff. Even so, I think that everyone we've met is freaked about something, like schools, or money, or politics.
Money mostly, this financial craziness on the markets has got everyone on tenterhooks, everyone worried, even when they don't have any real worries. Like us, for example? We're okay because we have concentrated on paying off debt. Credit cards, lines of credit, and the mortgage, all gone bit by bit, then we have saved up some money in cash, and we have income from the business, more income than before, simply because we paid down the debt and I'm not making interest payments to the evil banks. A far cry from four years ago when I sometimes had to pay the mortgage with credit cards, and be very very careful.
When it gets down to it, we don't have much invested because we didn't have any real money to invest, apart from a little in RRSPs. (retirement plans in Canada, for my US readers) And most of that is in boring stuff like bonds and things.
Meanwhile, I'm continually amazed by the otherwise sensible people I know who have huge debts and then in the last few weeks, took whatever money they had and tried to play the market and short sell risky stocks. (They figured they could beat the market, make a killing and pay off their losses. *Eyeroll*) Or others who had large amounts of stock and investments and had never even thought of paying down any debts. Just lived like they were having fun forever. Now---they are wiped out financially and worried about paying the bills. They can't cover their margin calls, much less the groceries.
And those people, are now infecting others with their fear. Like some friends of mine who have government jobs, steady income, guaranteed pensions---they are FINE, but are freaking out by association. Others who are retired, no debt, and were very conservatively invested and have no losses are also freaking out by association. I mean, some people are recession proofed in every economy yet their perception is that they are not. Interesting how human psychology works, eh?
I personally am not going to let this thing affect me. It's bad enough when your hormones are on a rollercoaster, but when you let other people's finances affect you? Nope, no way. If we get into trouble, then I'll change my tune, but until then, I'm just going to feel bad on behalf of others.
So how many of you are in trouble? Little trouble? Lots? Enough to screw up your fertility funding? Your houses? Your health?
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Tomorrow
I'll write something better tomorrow about my feelings about my anniversary, but for now I'm tired and cranky and wondering something.
I was pretty shocked to see this word used to describe the Republican VP's husband, and figured it must be because US media types had no idea how ignorant it is. I assumed that they have rarely met a first Nations person or perhaps knew nothing about the policy issues. Supposedly Presidents and politicians in the US rarely bother with aboriginal issues, and it certainly doesn't appear anywhere in their policy platforms. And then Palin used it herself, to describe her own husband, and seriously, I just about fell over right there and then. Using "that word" to describe any First Nations person here, would be an automatic death sentence for a politician. It's not quite the n-word--but it's not okay.
Turns out that in Alaska, Wikipedia says it's not a big deal. Are they right? Here we say Inuit, and the equivalent first nation there would be Yupik, but the term Alaska Native also might fit.
So what's up dudes? How did a word the rest of the world thinks is disgusting and pejorative become so normal in the US?
Do any of my US readers know about aboriginal issues and terms? Are any of you native? Have you ever seen a reservation, or a reserve? I am really really curious about this.
I was pretty shocked to see this word used to describe the Republican VP's husband, and figured it must be because US media types had no idea how ignorant it is. I assumed that they have rarely met a first Nations person or perhaps knew nothing about the policy issues. Supposedly Presidents and politicians in the US rarely bother with aboriginal issues, and it certainly doesn't appear anywhere in their policy platforms. And then Palin used it herself, to describe her own husband, and seriously, I just about fell over right there and then. Using "that word" to describe any First Nations person here, would be an automatic death sentence for a politician. It's not quite the n-word--but it's not okay.
Turns out that in Alaska, Wikipedia says it's not a big deal. Are they right? Here we say Inuit, and the equivalent first nation there would be Yupik, but the term Alaska Native also might fit.
So what's up dudes? How did a word the rest of the world thinks is disgusting and pejorative become so normal in the US?
Do any of my US readers know about aboriginal issues and terms? Are any of you native? Have you ever seen a reservation, or a reserve? I am really really curious about this.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
slammed-one handed typing
i no longer can type with two hands mostly because i am nursing or holding a baby or burping one....plus life has become nutty on top of that.
nicole at just crazy enough to try had her baby, a little girl! yayyyyyy Her blog feed did not send the news to my bloglines so i didn't know for a few days. go say congrats.
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my bil P has returned to europe secretly after we advised him not to just yet. he has no support network or doctors or family over there and as we predicted things are going very very badly. he can't see his kids until he is stable and since he is acting well---manic? psychotic? he will likely not see them for awhile except from a distance mandated by a court. his emails and phone calls to them are sometimes normal and sometimes terrifying.
we think he missed his meds as soon as he left the hospital and got confused and started self-medicating again. worst part is that the whole family is fighting over him and whether or not he's okay. some people think he's sane but 'misunderstood', others think he is batshit crazy. all i know is that he is writing some unreal stuff in his emails about our family and anyone else who thinks he is still unwell. apparently we are the crazy ones, and have committed numerous criminal and immoral acts while engaged in a vast conspiracy against him. he seems to cast himself as the white knight in all these tales, rescuing me and my poor children among others from my evil husband.
paranoid and out of touch with reality perhaps?
sigh...we keep wondering if we'll get a call that he has been found dead somewhere. it all makes me want to cry.
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As for immediate concerns, I am overwhelmed with dirty diapers, and breastfeeding and we are about to start the three week growth spurt. Lilypadz rock for protecting blistered nipples from irritation. frozen lilypadz are like heaven on these poor injured bodyparts. just remember to wash the padz with soap and water in between uses or you'll get bacteria growing and you will hurt and the baby will get indigestion and gas.
julius is healthy and cute, i wish i could show you more photos but our camera seems to have broken and i need to get my hubby to take it in for repair. if my cameraphone can do it i'll post something from that. he does have some goopy stuff coming out of his left eye and i think he has a blocked tear duct but otherwise he is alright.
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nanny is a godsend. she is happily willing to do housekeeping and mow the lawn and deal with laundry but the cultural differences are wild. she just came over from the phillipines in the last month or so and explaining things like the toronto green bin have resulted in some funny moments. we keep our green bin (organic waste) in the basement because of racoons. our dry garbage and recycling go outside. well, we showed her everything but i guess she thought her new employers were very odd people for putting our garbage in our basement and she kept trying to take it outside for us. i found it hidden in the bottom of the garbage bins later. when we finally explained it to her with pictures from the website and some translation---she was very embarassed and we all had a good laugh.
also i keep trying to make her take a lunch break but she refuses. i figure she deserves one and keep encouraging her to leave and get a coffee once a day or go for a walk or at least eat lunch upstairs with us but she never does. i think she eats in the basement actually. I'm thinking that i may have to force her to take breaks upstairs because i'm still a mess and the boys are done school so with three kids and a weak lady to take care of she will have her hands full and if she gets overworked we're sunk, you know?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
actually i am feeling a bit more energy every day. i went for a walk around the block today with the baby in the stroller. took me an hour to prepare to go, but i did go!
the boys are very funny with the baby. Kaz is very very responsible and is like a little adult with the baby. he's able to carry him and rock him and knows how to support his head. it's a little surreal actually. mac on the other hand is still poking the baby and trying to pet him like a dog. he doesn't quite get how to be gentle. We're working on it.
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there is nothing on tv and nothing left on my dvr. thank god for the internet and my ipod or my brain would turn to mush while i breastfeed at 3 am. i'm about to break into my box set of buffy videos and watch them until my eyeballs fall out.
oh and i bought a medela swing breastpump and used it to start pumping once a day. i want to build up a frozen stock just in case i ever need it. that thing is amazing btw. much better and much gentler than my old crappy one. another reason to buy new instead of using my 13 year old junk.
ok ttyl dudes....tired.
nicole at just crazy enough to try had her baby, a little girl! yayyyyyy Her blog feed did not send the news to my bloglines so i didn't know for a few days. go say congrats.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my bil P has returned to europe secretly after we advised him not to just yet. he has no support network or doctors or family over there and as we predicted things are going very very badly. he can't see his kids until he is stable and since he is acting well---manic? psychotic? he will likely not see them for awhile except from a distance mandated by a court. his emails and phone calls to them are sometimes normal and sometimes terrifying.
we think he missed his meds as soon as he left the hospital and got confused and started self-medicating again. worst part is that the whole family is fighting over him and whether or not he's okay. some people think he's sane but 'misunderstood', others think he is batshit crazy. all i know is that he is writing some unreal stuff in his emails about our family and anyone else who thinks he is still unwell. apparently we are the crazy ones, and have committed numerous criminal and immoral acts while engaged in a vast conspiracy against him. he seems to cast himself as the white knight in all these tales, rescuing me and my poor children among others from my evil husband.
paranoid and out of touch with reality perhaps?
sigh...we keep wondering if we'll get a call that he has been found dead somewhere. it all makes me want to cry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As for immediate concerns, I am overwhelmed with dirty diapers, and breastfeeding and we are about to start the three week growth spurt. Lilypadz rock for protecting blistered nipples from irritation. frozen lilypadz are like heaven on these poor injured bodyparts. just remember to wash the padz with soap and water in between uses or you'll get bacteria growing and you will hurt and the baby will get indigestion and gas.
julius is healthy and cute, i wish i could show you more photos but our camera seems to have broken and i need to get my hubby to take it in for repair. if my cameraphone can do it i'll post something from that. he does have some goopy stuff coming out of his left eye and i think he has a blocked tear duct but otherwise he is alright.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
nanny is a godsend. she is happily willing to do housekeeping and mow the lawn and deal with laundry but the cultural differences are wild. she just came over from the phillipines in the last month or so and explaining things like the toronto green bin have resulted in some funny moments. we keep our green bin (organic waste) in the basement because of racoons. our dry garbage and recycling go outside. well, we showed her everything but i guess she thought her new employers were very odd people for putting our garbage in our basement and she kept trying to take it outside for us. i found it hidden in the bottom of the garbage bins later. when we finally explained it to her with pictures from the website and some translation---she was very embarassed and we all had a good laugh.
also i keep trying to make her take a lunch break but she refuses. i figure she deserves one and keep encouraging her to leave and get a coffee once a day or go for a walk or at least eat lunch upstairs with us but she never does. i think she eats in the basement actually. I'm thinking that i may have to force her to take breaks upstairs because i'm still a mess and the boys are done school so with three kids and a weak lady to take care of she will have her hands full and if she gets overworked we're sunk, you know?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
actually i am feeling a bit more energy every day. i went for a walk around the block today with the baby in the stroller. took me an hour to prepare to go, but i did go!
the boys are very funny with the baby. Kaz is very very responsible and is like a little adult with the baby. he's able to carry him and rock him and knows how to support his head. it's a little surreal actually. mac on the other hand is still poking the baby and trying to pet him like a dog. he doesn't quite get how to be gentle. We're working on it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
there is nothing on tv and nothing left on my dvr. thank god for the internet and my ipod or my brain would turn to mush while i breastfeed at 3 am. i'm about to break into my box set of buffy videos and watch them until my eyeballs fall out.
oh and i bought a medela swing breastpump and used it to start pumping once a day. i want to build up a frozen stock just in case i ever need it. that thing is amazing btw. much better and much gentler than my old crappy one. another reason to buy new instead of using my 13 year old junk.
ok ttyl dudes....tired.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Feet in my mouth
Feeling really down here....I really really screwed up in the last day or so, between being excessively late for various appointments, to commenting and emailing things that are the exact wrong thing to say to various people. My house looks like a disaster according to my husband, and he cannot understand why I can't keep it perfect. Meanwhile, things have disappeared all over the house? Half of Mac's clothes are missing? Both kid's are missing their asthma meds? Can't find them anywhere....
I am off my ADD meds, mostly because of my BP, and I am a total fuck-up as a result. Which has left me in tears and beating myself up.
Plus, Mr.Cotta's family is fighting over P. and what he wants to do now. P. is in a stage of anger and resentment at my husband and the rest of the family are choosing up sides, conveniently forgetting the thousands of dollars we spent on his care and support, and conveniently forgetting how close he came to death and that the only thing the Belgium government was going to do was put him in a hospital then jail. He has enormous legal problems if he goes back there, and can't afford lawyers, never mind supporting himself, so the joke is, how does he even afford a plane ticket? Oh geez, maybe the money we loaned him for his apartment? Sigh....He won't be allowed to see his ex-wife and kids due to the multiple restraining orders against him.....so what the hell is the point of going back?
He's conquered the depression, but he's still an asshole I guess, and instead of trying to put his life back together, get a job, get healthy, and make peace with his ex---he thinks email threats and legal fights are the way to go. And it's killing my husband because he knows that the only people who ever win in family law and divorce court are the lawyers. Literally, it is better to burn your money than spend it on a divorce lawyer because at least you'd be warm if you burned it.
So half the family is blaming my husband, when all he did was decline to unplug the life support machine and try to give the guy a chance. The other half just keeps tut-tutting and telling him they told him so---very helpful---not.
Does anyone think we needed this right now at a time when we are about to deliver a baby? Hopefully a live baby? Nice way to support us, eh?
Plus his business partner was just diagnosed with MALT Lymphoma, and we have no idea how that will work out. I'm just praying the guy is okay. He's pretty shocked right now and can't figure out what to do. The doctors have offered up various treatment plans, etc...but he can't decide which one is best.
As for me, I have a serious pain in my side, just around my left lung that will not leave even if the baby shifts. It's not gas, not intestinal, just very sharp pain. And that UTI? Is killing me because it is Group B Strep and I think it went up to my kidneys by the time I got the right antibiotics. I'm in so much pain I can barely see straight.
So as you can see--life sucks right now. I'm going to get a shower and see if that helps. Then maybe call my doctor.
Thank you for listening to my miserable whine....no I don't need any cheese with that. But a pat on the back would be okay?
I am off my ADD meds, mostly because of my BP, and I am a total fuck-up as a result. Which has left me in tears and beating myself up.
Plus, Mr.Cotta's family is fighting over P. and what he wants to do now. P. is in a stage of anger and resentment at my husband and the rest of the family are choosing up sides, conveniently forgetting the thousands of dollars we spent on his care and support, and conveniently forgetting how close he came to death and that the only thing the Belgium government was going to do was put him in a hospital then jail. He has enormous legal problems if he goes back there, and can't afford lawyers, never mind supporting himself, so the joke is, how does he even afford a plane ticket? Oh geez, maybe the money we loaned him for his apartment? Sigh....He won't be allowed to see his ex-wife and kids due to the multiple restraining orders against him.....so what the hell is the point of going back?
He's conquered the depression, but he's still an asshole I guess, and instead of trying to put his life back together, get a job, get healthy, and make peace with his ex---he thinks email threats and legal fights are the way to go. And it's killing my husband because he knows that the only people who ever win in family law and divorce court are the lawyers. Literally, it is better to burn your money than spend it on a divorce lawyer because at least you'd be warm if you burned it.
So half the family is blaming my husband, when all he did was decline to unplug the life support machine and try to give the guy a chance. The other half just keeps tut-tutting and telling him they told him so---very helpful---not.
Does anyone think we needed this right now at a time when we are about to deliver a baby? Hopefully a live baby? Nice way to support us, eh?
Plus his business partner was just diagnosed with MALT Lymphoma, and we have no idea how that will work out. I'm just praying the guy is okay. He's pretty shocked right now and can't figure out what to do. The doctors have offered up various treatment plans, etc...but he can't decide which one is best.
As for me, I have a serious pain in my side, just around my left lung that will not leave even if the baby shifts. It's not gas, not intestinal, just very sharp pain. And that UTI? Is killing me because it is Group B Strep and I think it went up to my kidneys by the time I got the right antibiotics. I'm in so much pain I can barely see straight.
So as you can see--life sucks right now. I'm going to get a shower and see if that helps. Then maybe call my doctor.
Thank you for listening to my miserable whine....no I don't need any cheese with that. But a pat on the back would be okay?
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Good view, but oh I am nervous
So this morning, three dudes showed up at my door, one of whom bore a distinct resemblance to Matthew MacConaughey and yes, I drooled a bit until I figured out that he was here to paint my house and not, ummmm, well, enhance my life.
Fortunately, they have all provided a lovely point of view today, a nice visual distraction for a bored, lonely, housewife like myself, say.
Unfortunately, said dudes are short on conversation skills, and even shorter on brains. They sort of know how to paint, but---not really. I'm used to painters who do the trim very carefully, either using painter's tape to edge it, or very carefully cutting in the edges. These guys have done neither. Instead, they have slapped LOTS of blue paint on the trim, and gone over the yellow wall edges by frigging inches. They have told me that they'll fix it later.
They tell me it will all work out just fine, and I should not worry.
Sigh.....yellow latex paint will not cover dark blue semi-gloss, oh good-looking air-headed people. It just doesn't.
Oh well, something for me to fix later, I guess?
Fortunately, they have all provided a lovely point of view today, a nice visual distraction for a bored, lonely, housewife like myself, say.
Unfortunately, said dudes are short on conversation skills, and even shorter on brains. They sort of know how to paint, but---not really. I'm used to painters who do the trim very carefully, either using painter's tape to edge it, or very carefully cutting in the edges. These guys have done neither. Instead, they have slapped LOTS of blue paint on the trim, and gone over the yellow wall edges by frigging inches. They have told me that they'll fix it later.
They tell me it will all work out just fine, and I should not worry.
Sigh.....yellow latex paint will not cover dark blue semi-gloss, oh good-looking air-headed people. It just doesn't.
Oh well, something for me to fix later, I guess?
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
As The Blog Turns
The last 48 hours have been insane, truly.
No, baby is fine, and I'm physically fine, and everyone is healthy, but oh the DRAMA.
First thing, I was out buying the paint for the rooms, and got an emergency call from a friend who needed me to pick up her kid while she goes off to the ER to get treated for hemorrhage after 3 weeks of getting her period, and hoping her fibroids weren't blowing up in her abdomen. I said, of course, be right there after the paint gets loaded into my car. I phone my husband and we figure out dinner and where the kid will sleep if need be since our own son, Kaz is going to be sleeping in the living room while we paint his room.
Then, silly me, I pick all of them up and let the kids rip the house apart while I figure out what room my underwear have been packed in. And hope my friend is okay.
She is, btw, and gets her son later and we all eat dinner and then I drove them home, and came back to my own home and collapsed.
And then yesterday morning the f%^&$% painters don't show up. AT ALL. Apparently one of them was "injured" in the vague sort of way that makes me think he fell into a two-four and never quite found his way out. And of course, his friend couldn't come without him, because after all, he'd have to work alone all day. *eyeroll*
After multiple phone calls we agreed they would show up at 8:00 a.m. the next day and work all day until late because the organizer is bringing her crew to reassemble my house on Thursday and switch the furniture into the right rooms. And Monday Kaz's new furniture is being delivered. So I needed a freakin' room to put it in.
And the painters didn't show up again today, and didn't call, and I almost cried. Really. They won't return any phone calls and every excuse is lame anyway, so they are fired.
Fired like ceramics.
So I phoned up my organizer and she tried to find me someone, and I phoned Homeservice Club and begged and they had some people phone me, and tomorrow God willing, a painter will show up and I will breathe out, and life will be good. And Monday my organizer and her crew will put my house together.
And maybe my son won't have to sleep on a g-d air mattress anymore and I can send back that shitty mommy award stuck to my forehead. I know, I know it's not my fault, but still, this is not what I had planned. Maybe I should've "injured" myself on a two-four....
No, baby is fine, and I'm physically fine, and everyone is healthy, but oh the DRAMA.
First thing, I was out buying the paint for the rooms, and got an emergency call from a friend who needed me to pick up her kid while she goes off to the ER to get treated for hemorrhage after 3 weeks of getting her period, and hoping her fibroids weren't blowing up in her abdomen. I said, of course, be right there after the paint gets loaded into my car. I phone my husband and we figure out dinner and where the kid will sleep if need be since our own son, Kaz is going to be sleeping in the living room while we paint his room.
Then, silly me, I pick all of them up and let the kids rip the house apart while I figure out what room my underwear have been packed in. And hope my friend is okay.
She is, btw, and gets her son later and we all eat dinner and then I drove them home, and came back to my own home and collapsed.
And then yesterday morning the f%^&$% painters don't show up. AT ALL. Apparently one of them was "injured" in the vague sort of way that makes me think he fell into a two-four and never quite found his way out. And of course, his friend couldn't come without him, because after all, he'd have to work alone all day. *eyeroll*
After multiple phone calls we agreed they would show up at 8:00 a.m. the next day and work all day until late because the organizer is bringing her crew to reassemble my house on Thursday and switch the furniture into the right rooms. And Monday Kaz's new furniture is being delivered. So I needed a freakin' room to put it in.
And the painters didn't show up again today, and didn't call, and I almost cried. Really. They won't return any phone calls and every excuse is lame anyway, so they are fired.
Fired like ceramics.
So I phoned up my organizer and she tried to find me someone, and I phoned Homeservice Club and begged and they had some people phone me, and tomorrow God willing, a painter will show up and I will breathe out, and life will be good. And Monday my organizer and her crew will put my house together.
And maybe my son won't have to sleep on a g-d air mattress anymore and I can send back that shitty mommy award stuck to my forehead. I know, I know it's not my fault, but still, this is not what I had planned. Maybe I should've "injured" myself on a two-four....
Monday, April 07, 2008
Brains have arrived, in more than one sense
N. got discharged, but is seeing the specialist today and his pediatrician who will be very aggressive in demanding more tests and answers. (BTW, yes, it might have been a TIA, but I called a mini-stroke simply to encompass all the possibilities, they are now looking at a hemiplegic stroke diagnosis as another possibility).
And God do I feel for his mom. Her boyfriend of eight months, a really nice mature guy, a guy in upper level management of the police force actually, picked this weekend to break up with her. She also mentioned to me various things he has done and said in the last few weeks that are frankly so awful, that I have to retract that nice and mature label...bastard, after she told me what had been happening I was so livid, I handed the phone to Mr.Cotta, who listened, turned pale, and promptly apologized on behalf of his ENTIRE gender.
No the boyfriend never hit her, but the things he said, the words he used, I can't even repeat on this blog, and you all know that I have a filthy mouth. Anyway, now I want to wrap her in a big hug made of cotton woolies and take care of her....and maybe slap the SOB in the face. THIS weekend, of all the weekends in the world? Sigh.....they say people show their true character in a crisis, I guess so.
This week, by the way, is moving and painting and shifting week. Preparing for the babies room. Not filling it with furniture mind you, but painting it. Very difficult, but really a good thing. I figure at 31 weeks, I can dare to paint, no? My organizer brought her crew and they are moving all the furniture and taking some stuff to storage and some other stuff to the dump, and a whole lot of stuff is getting packed to switch rooms. tomorrow painting begins.
I haven't picked the paint actually, terrible me can't decide what to paint the kids room, much less ours....so I have to go now and spin my finger at the paint store and hope my husband doesn't mind whatever I pick.
Then again, even if I picked a hideous color, he'd never call me names.
Did you ever suddenly realize that you were luckier than you thought? And some of your spouse's faults, however irritating, aren't really that bad? Where the hell are all the good men anyway? Did I find the last one on earth?
And God do I feel for his mom. Her boyfriend of eight months, a really nice mature guy, a guy in upper level management of the police force actually, picked this weekend to break up with her. She also mentioned to me various things he has done and said in the last few weeks that are frankly so awful, that I have to retract that nice and mature label...bastard, after she told me what had been happening I was so livid, I handed the phone to Mr.Cotta, who listened, turned pale, and promptly apologized on behalf of his ENTIRE gender.
No the boyfriend never hit her, but the things he said, the words he used, I can't even repeat on this blog, and you all know that I have a filthy mouth. Anyway, now I want to wrap her in a big hug made of cotton woolies and take care of her....and maybe slap the SOB in the face. THIS weekend, of all the weekends in the world? Sigh.....they say people show their true character in a crisis, I guess so.
This week, by the way, is moving and painting and shifting week. Preparing for the babies room. Not filling it with furniture mind you, but painting it. Very difficult, but really a good thing. I figure at 31 weeks, I can dare to paint, no? My organizer brought her crew and they are moving all the furniture and taking some stuff to storage and some other stuff to the dump, and a whole lot of stuff is getting packed to switch rooms. tomorrow painting begins.
I haven't picked the paint actually, terrible me can't decide what to paint the kids room, much less ours....so I have to go now and spin my finger at the paint store and hope my husband doesn't mind whatever I pick.
Then again, even if I picked a hideous color, he'd never call me names.
Did you ever suddenly realize that you were luckier than you thought? And some of your spouse's faults, however irritating, aren't really that bad? Where the hell are all the good men anyway? Did I find the last one on earth?
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
A case of the blahhs and the rambles
I have lots to do---phone calls, buy paints, pay bills, file stuff, and yet, I don't.
After my rather manic post a few days ago, I relaxed a bit as I read your comments and realized that the whole reason I picked my hospital was because they are very good about respecting women and taking care of them during birth. Okay, they sucked back in 2003-04 when it came to miscarriage care before 20 weeks, but they have transferred all obstetrical care to one area of highly trained people, who are better at this, and really, every single hospital always sucks in this area. I wish someone in the system would figure out that there is no magical line, where women need good care when losing a baby after 20 weeks, but losing a baby is nothing and sort of like an appendectomy before 20 weeks.....there is no magical switch people. Really.
One thing about support groups is that you hear lots of stories about lots of different hospitals and how they act during the worst experience anyone can have. You get the good, the bad, and the ugly. And over time, it's important to remember that some can deteriorate, and some can improve. I know a couple of them did such a horrendous job with some patients that a wholesale change occurred throughout the hospital. People were told, policies were changed, and lots and lots of training occurred.
So there is hope, and maybe, just maybe, I'll get to have an experience like I did with Matthew, literally the perfect birth scenario, (except for the dead baby part).
Ba-dum-bum--bah
(dead baby joke, scuse me)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know I'll feel better after this painting and shifting furniture gets done, I already feel better about the officewhichisbecomingthebabyroom. My organizer came by and she and I emptied years worth of paper and crap and what-have-you. I'm not really sure I need to have 10 year old copies of Today's Parent or Mothering Magazine, and I know that so much has changed that keeping those is pointless. Plus, a lot of these parenting magazines make me feel kind of shitty, you know? I know what my kid needs, but they all seem premised on guilt. Useless.
But dudes, the funniest part is that I hardly go into that office, and really only Mr.Cotta does. And oh lord, the crap he had kept! Half eaten protein bars, old water bottles, empty boxes with disks and user guides from old phones we no longer own, boot disks for Win95, 98 & 2000, backup disks for ancient computers we don't have anymore, critical documents like ownership papers for the car stuffed into envelopes and stuck under other piles of crap, and cables and wires and plugs and earphones all unlabelled for electronics all over the house.
All I'm gonna say is... calling me disorganized and blaming my ADD for the inability to find stuff in this house is no longer fair game. If we can't find a scrap of paper or someone loses something, I am NOT THE ONLY ONE TO BLAME.
I have a filing system by the way. The organizer helped me set it up. I have a beautiful filing cabinet upstairs with all of our stuff in it, one drawer is this years bills and records, alphabetical, and the other drawer is permanent records, like mortgage papers for the house, and warranty documents for stuff. I also have a filing cabinet on the main floor, which is made of nice dark wood to blend into the rest of the furniture and has some temporary files in one drawer, like bills to pay, and in the other drawer has all my electronic stuff for my camera, my computer, etc. all nicely tucked away so no one has to stare at my junk. And my laptop can go in the drawer, or sit on top.
He thinks filing cabinets are nice, but never looks in there. Ever. He asked a question about the mortgage documents the other day, and I told him to look in the filing cabinet and he didn't for days until I pulled the file. I guess it was too hard to reach to his left, only one foot away, open the drawer, and pull out the file clearly labelled, "Mortgage Cotta house - ## Address".
le sigh....
I adore the man, I do. The way I write about him, I'm sure it sounds like I don't, but I figure, well, loving someone means loving them for their good sides and their faults. All of them, all the bits. Even the bits where there they are quite sure they are perfect and are unable to see that have feet of clay too.
Poor pseudo-ADD man. He thinks it's only me---oh yeah, whatever.
After my rather manic post a few days ago, I relaxed a bit as I read your comments and realized that the whole reason I picked my hospital was because they are very good about respecting women and taking care of them during birth. Okay, they sucked back in 2003-04 when it came to miscarriage care before 20 weeks, but they have transferred all obstetrical care to one area of highly trained people, who are better at this, and really, every single hospital always sucks in this area. I wish someone in the system would figure out that there is no magical line, where women need good care when losing a baby after 20 weeks, but losing a baby is nothing and sort of like an appendectomy before 20 weeks.....there is no magical switch people. Really.
One thing about support groups is that you hear lots of stories about lots of different hospitals and how they act during the worst experience anyone can have. You get the good, the bad, and the ugly. And over time, it's important to remember that some can deteriorate, and some can improve. I know a couple of them did such a horrendous job with some patients that a wholesale change occurred throughout the hospital. People were told, policies were changed, and lots and lots of training occurred.
So there is hope, and maybe, just maybe, I'll get to have an experience like I did with Matthew, literally the perfect birth scenario, (except for the dead baby part).
Ba-dum-bum--bah
(dead baby joke, scuse me)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know I'll feel better after this painting and shifting furniture gets done, I already feel better about the officewhichisbecomingthebabyroom. My organizer came by and she and I emptied years worth of paper and crap and what-have-you. I'm not really sure I need to have 10 year old copies of Today's Parent or Mothering Magazine, and I know that so much has changed that keeping those is pointless. Plus, a lot of these parenting magazines make me feel kind of shitty, you know? I know what my kid needs, but they all seem premised on guilt. Useless.
But dudes, the funniest part is that I hardly go into that office, and really only Mr.Cotta does. And oh lord, the crap he had kept! Half eaten protein bars, old water bottles, empty boxes with disks and user guides from old phones we no longer own, boot disks for Win95, 98 & 2000, backup disks for ancient computers we don't have anymore, critical documents like ownership papers for the car stuffed into envelopes and stuck under other piles of crap, and cables and wires and plugs and earphones all unlabelled for electronics all over the house.
All I'm gonna say is... calling me disorganized and blaming my ADD for the inability to find stuff in this house is no longer fair game. If we can't find a scrap of paper or someone loses something, I am NOT THE ONLY ONE TO BLAME.
I have a filing system by the way. The organizer helped me set it up. I have a beautiful filing cabinet upstairs with all of our stuff in it, one drawer is this years bills and records, alphabetical, and the other drawer is permanent records, like mortgage papers for the house, and warranty documents for stuff. I also have a filing cabinet on the main floor, which is made of nice dark wood to blend into the rest of the furniture and has some temporary files in one drawer, like bills to pay, and in the other drawer has all my electronic stuff for my camera, my computer, etc. all nicely tucked away so no one has to stare at my junk. And my laptop can go in the drawer, or sit on top.
He thinks filing cabinets are nice, but never looks in there. Ever. He asked a question about the mortgage documents the other day, and I told him to look in the filing cabinet and he didn't for days until I pulled the file. I guess it was too hard to reach to his left, only one foot away, open the drawer, and pull out the file clearly labelled, "Mortgage Cotta house - ## Address".
le sigh....
I adore the man, I do. The way I write about him, I'm sure it sounds like I don't, but I figure, well, loving someone means loving them for their good sides and their faults. All of them, all the bits. Even the bits where there they are quite sure they are perfect and are unable to see that have feet of clay too.
Poor pseudo-ADD man. He thinks it's only me---oh yeah, whatever.
Friday, March 28, 2008
As a Bag of flour
Have you read the blog Stuff White People Like? Found it a while back, peeing myself laughing...funniest part is in the comments when the white supremicists visit, and don't get the satire. AT ALL.
Plus now I'm convinced that never mind that I am as white as a bag of flour, white like snow, hell white like boxed mashed potatoes, I may be faking it after all because I don't like the outdoors, summer camp, Juno, or Arts degrees. I do like renovations though...hmmm.
So I thought I'd do a tribute post, cause after all, one white guy can't do it all, can he? I think some of us need to pitch in and help. White People like tributes & memes don't they?
My Stuff that White People like is Earth Hour, where we turn out our lights for one hour on Saturday from 8-9 pm. It has completely jumped the shark at this point, and has a devoted following of white people by now. I mean, think about it, what guy in a poor neighbourhood or the ghetto is going to turn out the lights? It's an invitation to getting robbed.
The other thing white people like? Symbolic gestures, especially meaningless ones. Turning off your light bulbs for an hour isn't going to do shit for the environment. But it will make the white person feel good. And isn't that what counts?
Not driving a car for a half a day---now that will do something. But white people won't do that. That will take effort. Symbolic gestures give the white person a feeling of community, a feeling of being part of the crowd. And helping the environment with a symbolic gesture is even more meaningful, since actually helping the environment, would cause them to have to do something that might really effect their lifestyle.
It's like using those reusable cloth bags? The ones that we are all supposed to use to help the environment instead of plastic bags? More Stuff White People Like. Yeah, the big guilt trip that does absolutely nothing to help the environment since all the plastic bags used by an average family in a year will save approximately one ounce of crude oil, and all the plastic bags ever made take up less than 1% of the space in landfill. Again, actually not using their car for half a day would save gallons of gas.
But white people don't want to actually do anything, they like symbolic gestures better. Especially meaningless ones, no matter how small.....
I feel so pasty now, chuckle.
Plus now I'm convinced that never mind that I am as white as a bag of flour, white like snow, hell white like boxed mashed potatoes, I may be faking it after all because I don't like the outdoors, summer camp, Juno, or Arts degrees. I do like renovations though...hmmm.
So I thought I'd do a tribute post, cause after all, one white guy can't do it all, can he? I think some of us need to pitch in and help. White People like tributes & memes don't they?
My Stuff that White People like is Earth Hour, where we turn out our lights for one hour on Saturday from 8-9 pm. It has completely jumped the shark at this point, and has a devoted following of white people by now. I mean, think about it, what guy in a poor neighbourhood or the ghetto is going to turn out the lights? It's an invitation to getting robbed.
The other thing white people like? Symbolic gestures, especially meaningless ones. Turning off your light bulbs for an hour isn't going to do shit for the environment. But it will make the white person feel good. And isn't that what counts?
Not driving a car for a half a day---now that will do something. But white people won't do that. That will take effort. Symbolic gestures give the white person a feeling of community, a feeling of being part of the crowd. And helping the environment with a symbolic gesture is even more meaningful, since actually helping the environment, would cause them to have to do something that might really effect their lifestyle.
It's like using those reusable cloth bags? The ones that we are all supposed to use to help the environment instead of plastic bags? More Stuff White People Like. Yeah, the big guilt trip that does absolutely nothing to help the environment since all the plastic bags used by an average family in a year will save approximately one ounce of crude oil, and all the plastic bags ever made take up less than 1% of the space in landfill. Again, actually not using their car for half a day would save gallons of gas.
But white people don't want to actually do anything, they like symbolic gestures better. Especially meaningless ones, no matter how small.....
I feel so pasty now, chuckle.
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