Woo-hoo

I have been feeling mightily ashamed at my technical incompetence on the blogroll front. So I buckled down today and fixed it the bit in my account that prevented me from getting blogroll code. Somehow or other I have managed to add my blogroll from bloglines, bit by bit.

Only one wee problem, I have not kept up to date with moving most of you around into different categories, so this may look a little goofy until I figure out that yes, you did have a baby and should be in the mom category, etc...frankly, I'm just amazed I didn't blow up the blog at this point, that having you all in proper categories would be too much for my puny brain!

So check out if I have a link to you and if you are in the right place. If not, leave a comment or email me, and I will add you or change you. FYI, a number of blogs have been moved to my "old outdated blogs" section because you haven't updated for a dog's age, but I still keep your feed, even though you can't see it right now and if you ever update or come back, I'll put you in the current area.

I think that may be the saddest part of this exercise, counting all the old friends who just haven't updated, or who shut down their blogs completely. Manuela at Thin Pink Line and 'Nilla, who are only on Facebook now, Meg at the Paragraph who I miss every single day, Thrice who I hope will come back, JJ who I hope will have good news, Casey my old bud....honestly, I really miss you all, even I know you had good reasons for no longer blogging. Sigh....

Onward and upward though, can't think about that now, too sad. Need happy.

So go visit Angry Aliens - where the movies redone in 30 second with bunnies troupe lives! Cartoon bunnies galore! Hot Bun on bun action!

I am also ramping up my annual holiday obsession of acquiring any and all DVDs and tapes of Rankin Bass animated specials, toys, and what have you. (I own some, but not ALL. Must acquire ALL.) Rudolph and all his animagic friends make me so happy, I can barely think. There is supposed to be a new animated special this year all about the Heat Miser and Snow Miser, and it sort of looks like the right artwork, but I can't tell from the tiny screen?

Future post---more about the helmet and boys and my now calmer hormones, etc. etc., not to mention my glee and hilarity about the current government crisis here in Canada. Harper seems to be unable to count seats or remember the rules of a parliamentary govt. Heh.

Yawn, off to dreamland toots, baby will be up soon to eat.

In case any of you need this....

Thought I'd just share an idea a friend passed on to me...Kaz is going to do this for Halloween night, although he is still trying to figure out if it's cool to wear at costume at 12! (I think it is, but to him?) Mac is going out as Mario from Nintendo, and Julius is going to be a pumpkin. (All babies are pumpkins I think....)

Anyway, if you are looking for a cheap, easy to do, last minute adult or child costume, that is unique, get a pair of dark pants, a dark long sleeved shirt, a bunch of safety pins, a pile of socks, mismatched, and left overs are great. Pin the socks all over the shirt and pants, trying to make sure they are not in pairs, but are random.

And voila!

You are "The place in the dryer where lost socks go!"

Feel free to copy, he's likely going to be too cool to do it...eyeroll...

Things you can change, and things you can't

I'm really really unhappy about how the election turned out as you can well imagine. Frankly, I think there are so many things that irritated me about this election that I can scarcely count them all. (If you want to see some interesting stuff about it, go see Rick Mercer, specifically, my fave rant of his, September 30, Season 6, RMR Rant. I can't do an imbed like on Youtube, but if you go there and check it out, especially the final bit on that video, you'll know why I love Mercer.)

That said, I'm pretty frickin tired, and after sitting on this post for an entire day and trying to write something, I have only this....

In two years I can and will help to defeat Stephen Harper. Governments come and go like clockwork and we'll get rid of him sooner or later.

But yesterday I saw some pictures of myself at my current weight, and I was disgusted with myself. I have gained weight since having the baby. And never ever in my entire life have I ever weighed this much. Never. And if I don't lose the weight soon, then I'll be keeping it on for life.

I can stand Harper for 18-24 months, but there is no fucking way on the planet that I will live my life at this weight. I hate how I look, how I feel, and how the world sees me now.

I hate this enough to change it, so I will.

Favourite chocolate cake

I've been trying to figure out why I have such an emotional response to Sarah Palin (you know, besides the part where she thinks I should be dead....) and I'm still puzzling over it. I'm getting there, I think.

I'm getting nowhere writing about Georgia. Maybe tomorrow. So apropos of Marie Antoinette, I've decided to eat cake instead. Or be a peasant. Or whatever.

The picture above is the one I baked for Kaz on his birthday.

It is a traditional oil cake, invented many years ago when money was scarce and eggs and milk were expensive. Nowadays, it's a yummy and moist alternative for the lactose intolerant like me, or if someone has an egg allergy.

Chocolate Cake

(fits an 8 inch square or round pan, double the recipe for a 9 inch by 13 inch pan)

I don't know if cake flour or all-purpose flour is better---there is a big smudge on the hand-written page, so that is information lost to time. I personally always use Fry's cocoa, but I suppose any would do.

1 1/2 cups flour
1 cup sugar
3 tablespoons cocoa
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt

Sift or mix these ingredients with a fork into an ungreased pan. I line mine with parchment paper.

Make three holes in the pile of dry ingredients.

Now, in each hole, place one of these:

1/3 cup of salad oil
1 tablespoon vinegar
1 teaspoon vanilla

Pour one cup of of cold water over all, and mix well with a fork. This is the fun part where the baking soda and vinegar meet and it looks like a volcano!

Bake 350 degrees for 30 minutes. Cool and frost.

Run run run

This week, I have been running my ass off, and haven't been able to post much consequently.

Julia has had her baby btw, and I am filled with joie de vivre!! She is probably one of the kindest loveliest women I have ever met, and I am so very happy that all went well, and her son is here. Hugs, hugs, and more hugs honey!

I will tell all more about my activities this week coming I promise, truly. In the meantime, a list of what I've been up to:

- we bought a car, after arguing strenuously about it for days. A Buick Enclave actually. Yayyy!

- the boys gave me a lovely necklace with many sparkly teeny diamonds in it for my Big Girl Birthday. Yayyy!

- we bought a new camera, a Sony Cybershot to replace the broken one. Fresh pictures of Julius coming up ASAP!! Yayyy!

- street party at our house, many neighbours chatted and laughed, and yes we started speaking to the next door neighbour again, the one who doesn't like us. She started it. Quite shocking, but pleasant. Weird....

- We are still talking to the architects and engineers about house options. And getting the money to do it. Boo.

- the eye goo thing has stopped on Julius. Yayyy!

- it is possible for me to do laser eye surgery, but not until I am finished with the hormonal shifts of child-rearing and breastfeeding. So my laser eye fantasy isn't possible next year. Boo.

Until later my dears....must run to get the baby!

Big Girl Panty Day!

I am soooo excited to be 40 today!

Mostly because I intend on buying myself a really nice purse, and some great shoes, haha. Not too excited about the wrinkles to come, but what the hell, they can match my stretchmarks.

Seriously, this next year I have vowed to do a couple of things. First off, to get my body back in some sort of shape. Not so much for the look, but for the strength and the bone-building. I'd like to look good, and I could just starve myself to skinny pretty fast, but the flabby thing has always been my problem. NO MORE. Next year, there will be a photo on this blog of a muscle. An actual honest to God big strong muscle. Not necessarily more than one, but at least one located somewhere on my body.

I am also going to get laser eye surgery next spring, which will freak me out totally, (bottle of Ativan anyone?) but a week ago the baby grabbed my glasses and flung them about, and I was blind and helpless until the nanny found them. Totally sucks being a -9.0 near-sighted. Time to change that.

We are in the process of planning the building/renovating our house and although that might be enough, I really think I also want to apply to go back to school. (If I apply now, I could go to the Big University in our city for Sept./09, a year away) Still percolating that one. Good thing: I would be a tax write-off for the house, and instead of working three jobs, & playing cards the rest of the day in the pub like I did back then, I would study occasionally. Bad thing: I would be the old lady in the class. Maybe too old?)

I am also considering jumping in to the fray again and advocating for grieving mothers. There's been some amazing progress recently, but there needs to be more. And the stronger I feel, the more I get done.

Meanwhile, time to shower, get dressed, and put on the big girl pants.

Forty is going to be a kickass year for me.

My so-called coping skills

Really they are pretty crap, but as long as my Visa works, I can stop the anxiety from taking over by shopping my little butt off. Wednesday noon is the amnio and I need a nice calm feeling like Zen. And Zen is going to cost money, right?

So, for the kidlets, this year I got Mac a bunch of little things like clothes for his Webkinz animals, video games for the DS and the Wii, the previously mentioned Squawkers Macaw, some Transformers figures, and a red/orange Tri-clops toy. (It looks ridiculous, but apparently it is cool?)

Kaz got him an I-Dog Amped, and we are still looking for this chip that turns his DS into an MP3 player. Very very inexpensive, but damn useful if it means he can listen to music through headphones occasionally without me having to buy an actual MP3 player.

For Kaz, we got some Wii and DS accessories and games, and a couple of small items here and there, like a watch to replace his lost one, but the biggest gift? Lego Mindstorms; and yes it really does cost $300 just for the starter kit, but after much debate, we splurged for a bunch of reasons. For one thing, he has dreamed of this thing for over a year. He has been trying to save up his money in his bank account, and is almost there, but not quite. Kaz has worked his little tail off for studying for his SSAT exam, without complaint, and he has been very very good considering all the chaos going on what with the pregnancy and the school application and his own schoolwork. So he's getting it! I'm actually a little jealous, in fact, this really is the ultimate techy science nerd toy. I'm just glad I get to fiddle with it once in a while.

Mr.Cotta is a little harder to shop for. He is not a fan of getting anything for Christmas. He sort of feels like he has everything already. But, there are a few things he has agreed are okay to give him.

Like a goat. Or a cow.

I'm undecided. Take a gander through both those catalogues and let me know what you all think. Keep in mind that these are tax-deductible contributions and that I don't mind spending some money on this, because really this IS the government's money when you get a tax deduction. So what do you think is the best gift on this list? We certainly can't afford to set up our own micro-loan bank for 500K, but I can splurge for more than just one goat or a chicken for my beloved hubby, right?

I am debating buying some of the smaller animals or what have you for various hard to buy for friends and associates.

Funniest part of the exercise? Trying to explain this abstract concept to Mac. To my 7 year old, all gifts are wrapped and put under the tree. He is still convinced that if we give this to Dad, a goat will be delivered to our house to live here until we send it on a plane trip to Africa. And then I tried to tell him that we are going to try to buy two goats, a girl goat and a boy goat, so the family can have a herd of goats someday. His next concern?

"How do we make the goats fall in love and get married and have babies, Mom?"

Errmmm....

A Happy Thankful Day

At the ultrasound this morning, the baby, (now named DinkyPie by the Boys, yes, I know....but they get to contribute something here, so I can't say no), anyway, DinkyPie was moving, but only after we joggled and jostled my stomach ridiculously. Turns out that although I ate a sugary breakfast, it was 2 hours before the appointment, and my apple juice bought in the lobby hadn't hit my stomach yet.

So DinkyPie slept and slept, until roughly woken up, by me laughing at Mr.Cotta. My crazy husband was wearing a red clown nose he had hidden in his coat pocket just in case I needed to be jollied out of the doldrums.

And DinkyPie kicked it's little legs!!!!

That put me in a really great mood for the rest of the day. So much so, that I decided to simply give in and buy some actual maternity clothes, especially pants. I had taken my old maternity clothes out of storage on Monday, and went through all the boxes of stuff. I discovered lots of good things, like two different dressy party outfits, one for winter, one for summer, several maternity tops, all in good condition, and still in fashion, lots of floaty summer dresses I pray I'll still need next spring and lots of little things, like skirts and underwear and things like bra extenders & tights, and of course, an all weather coat in case of rain or wind.

A pretty good haul acquired over 5 pregnancies with weight gain----until I took inventory of the pants. All narrow at the bottom & totally unusably ugly; the piece de resistance? A pair of shiny polyester stirrup pants! 1990's here we come baby! Sigh....

The only nice ones were one pair of boot cut black jersey pants, which I had loaned out to a friend, and got back----with the crotch worn out, completely, like with a giant see-through thin spot/almost hole. And no, I'm not going to even THINK about how that occurred. Shudder. Tossed in the garbage....

I've been wearing a couple of larger pairs of pants I bought with JuliaKB when she and Niobe came up to visit Toronto. Very trendy and nice that day, but lately, they were getting a bit small. Like, I couldn't do them up, I could only fasten the tops with an elastic through the button hole, and if I bent over the wrong way, serious plumber butt was at risk. So that plan could not continue.

So, with today's perfect U/S report in hand, I went off shopping to the maternity store and spent waaaayyyyyy too much money. Like enough to jinx/magical think/freak out everyone reading and myself too. I'll probably wig out tomorrow, and it's your job to remind me that my placenta doesn't give a damn if I've bought out half the store, right? RIGHT, RIGHT?

Best case scenario, I'll be comfortable, and look nice, and today, no worst case scenarios discussed. I've been giggling like a idiot ALL day, I'd like this nice warm fuzzy feeling to continue.

Of course, the Doctor and the ultrasound tech at my appointment were acting surprised that I was stressed, trying to be reassuring, "of course it's fine, good strong heartbeat, blah, blah, blah," and I had to remind them that for me the most stressful time is coming, since my latest history is losses at 12 weeks, and 15 weeks (discovered at 16 weeks). Well, today we're just not thinking about that right now. That can wait for next week, right?

Today is for being thankful for kicking legs and warmly covered butts.

And tomorrow is for shopping at the Ashley Sale. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

Yes!

8 weeks, 1 day we are measuring right on target, heart rate is 149 bpm, and the crown rump length is 1.7 cm.

The little fetbryo is floating away growing just fine. Last week at Dr. Eyebrows, when I saw the fibroid squishing the sac, it looked like the baby was being crushed, but now I KNOW it's the crappy machine that just made it look that way. It can't do proper angles, as well as having clarity issues that prevent us from getting the heartrate, so the fancy new machine is awesome. Sigh of relief....

Best of all Fred the Fibroid has either stopped growing or is possibly getting smaller!!! The SOB is measuring 6 cm x 4.5 cm, so either last weeks giant growth was mismeasured, or the machine was crap, or all these little pains I've been having are Fred losing his firmness and shrinking, hehe.

I'm off to the docs to check on my UTI status, and then I'm going shopping for tile, and curtains and the remaining bits of Halloween costumes.

I'm thinking of going out as a blog for Halloween, complete with paper strips on my arms for sidebars, printing out a header and sticking it on my forehead and a couple of posts for the body. I may even print out some HTML and put it on my t-shirt underneath, like when people look for source code!

I can't do this bizarre one yet because my stomach isn't big enough, but here it is if you want to steal it. I once saw another infertile, now pregnant woman dressed all in black normal clothes, except for her stomach which was uncovered. She had used spirit gum and some fake scar material to make a giant open sore complete with fake blood beside her navel, then glued & hung a huge bunch of tiny baby spiders on white string coming out of it.

Best part, her complete look of nonchalance. It was her way of dealing with the stress, basically a huge eff-you to the universe.

Brilliant----hmmm, maybe I could do that one anyway? Hmmmm...

little surfing

Thanks for all your reassuring comments! I'm trying to focus on the hopeful stories, but I realized that I needed to look at other blogs, and sites, like political ones if I was going to get my mind off of my troubles. So I go over to my clogged up bloglines feeds, and click on all the political blogs. Red Tory has been posting up a storm, about the Throne Speech, about the impending possible election, etc. but what is my eye drawn to? This.

RT meant this post to be a statement about the excesses of the undertaxed U.S. rich, all I can think of is that this entire site is pure infertility porn. Designed to make us believe the fantasy can be ours, if only we spend every last cent with the damn Docs.....I have to admit, I'm drooling as I click around, until I see this page, and laugh my ass off.

I can't be the only one who remembers the Ladybug onesie theme right? I mean we're no longer in onesie territory here, we're in serious decorator territory hon.

Anyway, the whole thing is silly, but oooooooooo as long as I focus on the shiny lovely pieces of glitter and fluff and ignore the stuff I can't control, I'll be less nervous.

I hope.

Tomorrow I'm getting a new cellphone, or maybe a blackberry or maybe even an IPod Touch. My old phone is crap, and I was supposed to replace it anyway. In fact, it's been so long since I got a new one that I could pretty much get any phone I want for free. but I've delayed and delayed, like I somehow don't deserve it. Ridiculous. So now I need to reward myself.

Shiny, fluffy, glittery, distracty, at least until NEXT TUESDAY.

*And before anyone doesn't get it, I DO mean this last bit as an amusing contrast to RT's post about conspicuous consumption. Irony, etc.

Something less serious

I'm just in desperate need of thinking about something frilly and dumb.

For today, just one day, we're all going to pretend life ISN'T unfair and shitty, okay?

I've clicked through a bunch of Perez Hilton posts and contemplated new colors for my pedicure. I'm getting my hair done this afternoon, and I may buy some new shoes. Or makeup. Or whatever.

We got the proposal from the architectual firm, and frankly, it looks a bit over the top expensive to me, but I'm going to ask around before I assume. I think they also included construction management and project management in there which might explain it, or else I just wasn't green enough for them so they pitched high enough to scare us away. Dumb....I'm a big 'ol gossip.

I still haven't ordered that furniture, so that may be my next little mission.

And even if I spend the rest of my life with the hubby and two kids, and no more pregnancies, I can live with that because at least my body is acting normal.

The crone has left the building. Now let's get the new me some pampering.

Duding up my living space

*Update below*

This is a fluffy little entry (before I talk about more serious things) just to say that the last week has been one of mad shopping for living room furniture and acquiring of things. I finally found a table to go underneath the new TV we bought. Espresso finish, glass top, modern, but not too spare for my house.








Unfortunately, every TV on the market these days is horribly ugly. They are ALL shiny black, and huge and....blechhh. Ugliest damn things I've ever seen. Samsung, Sony, whatever, all the companies are trying to build them for home theatre viewing, but reality is that most of us have living rooms, not home theatres. Even if people do have a home theatre, most people only have one room like that, and most of us want the TVs in the rest of the house to blend in a bit and not dominate the room. The piano black ones are very difficult to decorate around unless you live in a Las Vegas casino or the look you are trying to achieve is, "Used car salesman in shiny polyester suit!"















Basically, like I said before, we are renovating in the next year, a serious tear-the-house-down reno, so right now we can't buy the permanent furniture we want to have made up for the house. It may not go with our decorating then, or it may not fit in our tiny house right now, so there's no point in wasting money on really nice stuff.

But our current furniture is ugly and broken, so we tossed the old tube TV and the giant cabinet it lived in, and we are buying some things now with the anticipation of putting it in the family room or basement after the reno. Problem is that we just can't decide what to buy. Mr.Cotta wants to buy Man Cave furniture, (think Lazyboy in black leather, like on the left) and I want to buy comfortable but more modern stuff. Like with plushy backs and seats, but with a microfibre or fabric cover with stainguard and a medium color, maybe a nice chocolate shade or blue. No skirt, no frou-frou pattern, maybe an ottoman to put our feet up. And a coffee & end table to match the TV table. Everything has to be small, due to the current dimensions of our living room, (13 feet x 12 feet), and the fact that we have an antique piano already. It's beautiful, and the boys take lessons on it, but at 5 feet by 3 feet and almost 4 1/2 feet tall, it's a monster, so we can't fit everything we want in the one room.

I swear I've looked in high end stores, low end crummy ones, IKEA, and every variation you can think of. And I still can't decide! So there you are. Confusion reigns.

Any suggestions?

To answer a few queries, we don't own a coffee table, never have due to childproofing issues and then inertia. Our living room has always looked odd as a result. We can't have people over because there is no where to put a glass of wine down. So I want to buy one, even a cheap one.

The TV has been bought and installed already so that's a done deal. He has wanted a giant flat screen TV for years, and couldn't wait. Plus the sound on our ancient CRT TV was dying.

In terms of waiting for the reno completion, this is Toronto, the worst city on earth to attempt a reno in. Most people give up and abandon their properties and sell out to others who are willing to cheat and lie. I wasn't kidding, we'll have to have to go to court and do multiple hearings at the OMB after we get turned down by the city committee of adjustment. The entire process could take a year, and that's before we knock down one brick. Now, if Mr. Cotta and I wanted to lie like everyone else does and "pretend" we are doing a reno and leave one wall standing and the foundation, then build a fake house on top, rebuild the foundation underneath, and rework the old house, then slip the inspector some cash to look the other way and sign off, we could start work in a month.

But we don't think it's right to cheat and lie and bribe, so we're going to do it the honest, long, hard and expensive way. And I can't live with my currently shitty slipcovered sofas as is while fighting in court everyday. Too depressing. (Yes Tinker, I did slipcover them a few years back as a stopgap measure. Honestly, I never will again. Surefit slipcovers sure don't freakin' fit. I'll post a photo someday. You will laugh!)

So I'm still looking. Sigh...

A week or so late but still fun

Your Birthdate: August 12

You're a dynamic, charismatic person who's possibly headed for fame. You tend to charm strangers easily. And you usually can get what you want from them. Verbally talented, you tend to persuade people with your speaking and writing. You are affectionate and loving, but it's hard for you to commit to any one relationship. Your strength: Your charm Your weakness: Your extreme manipulation tactics Your power color: Indigo Your power symbol: Four leaf clover Your power month: December

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Thanks for the idea Val!

Yes, Virginia, there is a Harry Potter

I finished the whole book. Amazing, awesome, wonderful writing, loved it so much I am now rereading all of them 1 through 7. Much angst doing this for the last few days because I had to pay attention to my relatives and everyone in Montreal at the exact same time and if we had been at home I would've just read until my eyeballs burst. I love seeing all my in-laws, they truly are the family I've never had, but trying to pay full attention to them while being riveted to this book was soooooo hard.

Since this is the no spoiler blog, I won't reveal anything in the post, but feel free to give me your impressions in the comments. All of you who haven't read it or are still reading it, DON'T click. It is so worth the wait to read it in the right order.

Oh, and to The New York Times editors who published reviews in advance and broke not only their word, but the hearts of millions of readers around the world?

Nice legacy guys.

A quick buck you may have made, but what you fail to understand is just how much your reputation has suffered. Not just with cranky me, but with so many people who read you now and the children who never ever will. When even my 10 year old now thinks the "New York Times paper are cheaters and liars", you know you have a problem. (No, I didn't coach him, he heard it on the radio, knew no one was supposed to be telling the big secret, and realized grownups were breaking the rules and were still getting dessert!! and not sent to their rooms!! in fact no punishment at all!! His sense of justice is deeply wounded.)

You know the kind of journalist I admire?

Francis Pharcellus Church, editor of the New York Sun, waaaaayy back in 1897. When confronted with the choices of ignoring a child's letter, destroying her innocence, or encouraging her faith in the unknown, he did the right thing. There is a wonderful sense of community in the shared experience of anticipation, of surprise, of being in unison, of wonder at all the amazing things that might be possible in the world, even if we have yet to discover them.

From the Newseum website:

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

"VIRGINIA O'HANLON.
"115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

By spoiling the surprise, the NYTimes proved it never truly understood the story it was reviewing. It let the selfishness and greed of the Dark Arts take over its soul. And in the end, it will be the worse for it.

Apparating

I'm not around this week because I was madly trying to get some errands done and help my friend with taking care of her house and dog while she's dealing with her sick kid.

And this weekend we are in Montreal.

Sort of a vacation and sort of not one. We have a nice hotel room but Mr.Cotta's off to meet someone for work and we've spent most of the day at the National Swim championships watching the competitions. (Someone in our family is competing.) Anyway, I am sunburnt and exhausted and am about to take a nap, while my kids are swimming in the hotel pool with my BIL taking care of them.

And yes, you'd think we might've missed the delivery of our Harry Potter books, but noooo, haha! When I figured out that we weren't going to be in our city, I cancelled our local delivery order and ordered two for pickup here at Indigo downtown. And yes, Kaz and I stayed up 'til midnight and lined up to get ours. It was really fun, and of course we tried to stay up reading, but couldn't make it past the first eighty pages.

I'm somewhere near 200 now and I'm afraid to read the news because I don't want it to be spoiled!

Have to go now, kids are calling. So much for naps...

Life Renovation

I've been throwing things away literally....and symbolically. Rearranging my stuff always makes me rearrange my life. Last week I threw away bags and boxes of junk, and sorted out zillions of bionicles and legos and nails and screwdrivers, and DVDs, and well you get the idea?

This week I switched my living room and my dining room because my dining room is much larger and it made more sense to put our larger couches and the piano in that room.

Yeah, I moved a piano, all by myself!

Ok, not true, I actually had help moving it, and the other furniture. Still, I worked my tail off moving every damn thing back and forth....and really it has changed my outlook on life. Fresh start, new direction, new TV cable hookup, switched all the lighting fixtures....brilliant.

Feeling much better cause Kaz is back this weekend from camp, and of course, with all the good karma in the blogosphere these days, I'm feeling a little wee bit of hope. Congratulations to Julia & Steve, and a big thanks to Sharah at Outlandish Notions for doing a statistical analysis of that half-baked PGD study.
I really value all the smart funny and fabulous women the blogosphere has let me meet.

You ALL help me change my life, every day. Thanks!

Vibrafest, Pt.II

All easily shocked people, AVERT YOUR EYES. Married people might be discussing, GASP, SEX. Aaaagggghhhhhhhhhh---------

Okay, now for the real Vibrafest post.

Why that name? A political buddy made it up when I joked that my version of a bloggers get together was a bunch of woman friends having brunch and then going to a sex shop together and picking stuff out. Which of course is what we did....

I hesitated to post this at all because I've heard from more than one politico that they are astonished that women are sexual creatures. As a woman, getting ahead in politics or business means being sexless & inhumanly professional, so writing this out will probably get me tossed from the party, or at least from the list of electable women. Apparently the reason many of these young dudes were so shocked about Belinda Stronach's rumoured activities was because they believed that she was unusual; that she had a libido like a man, inferring that other women don't regularly have great orgasms.

Uhhhhhh, not quite....

Every woman I know either has or wants to have great sex and great orgasms. Even the politicians and lawyers and CEOs. I may not have agreed with all of Ms.Stronach's political positions, and I feel sad about her recent breast cancer diagnosis, but her personal life was pretty damn irrelevant, IMO, and slamming her for liking sex? Dumb...considering half of all voters are female and like sex too.

Even the infertile and recurrent miscarriers like me want to have great sex lives. Yes, even US.

Bataan Death March Sex month after month as we do timed intercourse on strict medical orders, lupron & follistim injections that leave as dry as dustbowls, ovarian failure that steals our desire, idiotic researchers who try to preach the lie that HRT is bad, medically ordered to refuse sex we really really want during high-risk pregnancies, and male factor IF that depresses our loving adorable fabulous husbands, all the hell our marriages go through, and yet, still, we want great sex, always have, always will even if the public can't handle it.

So Reality and December Baby and I went to Come as You Are and met just the nicest saleswoman EVER. I have to confess, I haven't been to this store before, but I have been to a few other places, whose ambience was....errr.....decidely creepy. Come As You Are on the other hand was very very welcoming, open, clean. They have battery loaded samples of each item they sell on shelves with instructions and everyone is welcome to touch, pick up, look at, whatever. Okay, maybe not WHATEVER right there in the store, but you know what I mean. Ask for whatever you want to buy and they bring it up from the storeroom in a sealed box. Nice, because you know that except for a brief test at the front cash to check if it's in working order, no one else will be gazing on your personal purchase except for you and your significant other.

I liked the store's emphasis on health and safety and cleanliness. They have phthalate free items, latex free ones for those with allergies, and even instructions for keeping everything nice and sterile. Especially important for IFer's because picking up an intrauterine infection, or bacterial vaginosis or yeast can make it difficult implanting our little fetbryos. Kind of a problem....their website has lots of great info, for those of you who own pre-existing toys and want some ideas or want to order something but might feel nervous walking into a store.

I confess, I already own a Pocket Rocket, in fact I've owned a few and ahem...bought newer versions as the old ones got phased out.

This is the amazing one that has been around for a few years and is renowned for having a very very strong vibrating action. Rosie O'Donnell is rumoured to have given them out in party loot bags in the past. Celebrity endorsed you might say...lots of movement in a tiny package, it can be used during intercourse or all alone. And even for women with very very low estrogen, it can wake the dead...no kidding...if you can't have an orgasm on it, your blood E2 is likely below 5, and ummmm get thee to a Doc. Safe for women who are allowed orgasm but not intercourse during a high-risk pregnancy. Downsides - handsfree is not possible, and noise might be an issue.

I bought a few new things yesterday.

An old favourite of mythical IF'er, Charlotte from Sex and the City is the Rabbit Pearl, which has dual action and a multi-level controller conveniently located on a separate remote. Very good for solitary use or with a loved one, but not really usable during intercourse In an interesting twist, just might help bring on labour for those of us at the end of nine months, who are praying for our cervixes to dilate and have uncooperative husbands. And conversely, not so good for those who want their cervix left completely unstimulated during a high risk pregnancy. (Just remember to use a condom or be very very careful when cleaning, regardless.) Definitely not as intense as the Rocket, but a really different experience so perhaps not comparable? I approve of it.

The Cone is a handsfree one that is very different from the average and a cool design. I still haven't tried out all the variations. (This website has more.) Trying everything would take weeks and Mr.C. was tired last night after we "reviewed" my purchases. But so far, very very cool. Worth a $130 bucks? Umm, not sure. That's a lot for something like this. For solitary use, not bad, but I'll have to post an update on the various multispeed options/positions, etc. if Mr.C. ever recovers from yesterday's testing. There are a lot of combinations possible. I say, if you are looking for something unique and have the spare cash, go for it.

I also bought this Silver Vibe, but Mr.C. & I wouldn't recommend it. Unfortunately, there are some things mechanics can't duplicate and I guess this is one of them. Damn....oh well.

And my find of the day, not really a toy I have to admit; they sell a silicone based lube called Pink that in actuality is the best damn antifrizz hair leave-in conditioner I've ever used. Just pure dimethicone & silicone. It might work as a lube, I have no idea cause I'm not using it down there, just on the top of my head. Fabulous for my overprocessed hair. Makes it look like those models on the commercials. I used to use Citre Shine, but they took it off the market. Thank God I found a replacement!

So our final results: Rocket, a classic that is still awesome, Rabbit, good, but in a different way, Cone very good so far, final results still pending, waiting for the Russian judge to file. Silver Vibe, eliminated from the competition.

Gold medalist: My hairstyle.


P.S. most comments a-ok, any trolls will be deleted, k?

Vibrafest

I had a very busy distracting weekend. If you've already been to Reality's or December Baby's blog's you'll know why Sunday was fun. On Saturday Mr.C. and Mac and I wandered around the Toronto Outdoor Art Show and even picked up a few nice artsy things. We never ever get to indulge in non-practical items, so this was truly decadent.

Seriously, I'm so glad I've met great friends who will take my mind off my troubles. I haven't heard word one from my son at camp, except for one tiny postcard saying, "I'm alive" and unlike most other camps, this one doesn't communicate very much with parents, or frankly very well with parents.

For most parents in the stiff upper lip set, that's fine, but for me? Not so much....parenting after infertility & loss is always a different experience. I'll never just relax and kick back. I can't. For days now, I've been freaking out wondering if he's alive, happy, healthy, if they are following Doctor's orders, etc. etc. Turned out they were following some orders and ignoring others, sigh....so thank God I finally DID get hold of them. He's happy, but after I made it clear (issued orders, threatened, got pissed off) that he must be given extra food because he's underweight, they finally agreed to do it....what a joke, are they unclear whose kid he is?

Makes it hard to think about adult stuff, either job stuff, fun stuff, or couples stuff, which I'm putting in a separate post, so we don't mix our subjects. Hmmmmm.......

Princess and the Pea

I already had this typed out, so here it is, but I owe Adrienne a post, so I'm doing that after this goes up, 'kay?

I'm a princess, truly.

The kind who can feel a pea through endless featherbeds, my skin bruised and sore from the horrible pea way down below.

Well, you can just imagine how I thought a TempurPedic bed would be the route to heaven. Soft foam, no springs, no issues, just peaceful rest, right? Ummmmm, nope, wrong.

It only works for people who can sink and are normal temperature. I don't weigh enough to make a dent in the damn thing, sigh...literally my rear will dent into it, but the rest of my body just hovers on top like I'm lying on a piece of wood. Mr. Cotta sinks in perfectly, just like the commercials. He loves it. He is also tall and has a normal non-hot flashing, normal thyroid, etc. I am a cold feeted short no muscles kind of woman. Bird like except for my growing ass and waist. Tempurpedic requires normal room temps and normal body temps and no issues with sweating, etc. His sdie of the bed is perfect, mine is bumpy, sore and completely disappointing. Thank God we can return it and exchange it for a normal bed. There was a lovely deep soft one that hubs agreed to try, so I think I need to call and switch it, before this Princess gets any worse.

As for the peaceful part of this story, just thought I'd mention that if any of you would like to get a professional organizer like mine, check out the National Association of Professional Organizers for a referral, or if you can't quite bear to spend money try Flylady. If you are in my city, email me and I'll give you the name of the company I hired. Both of these groups are not going to try to sell you containers or shelving units. But they will help you throw stuff out, donate, get rid of stuff, file a zillion papers, etc....so you won't need the containers or the shelves. Are containers nice? Are shelves pretty? Yes, but only if you need them....and considering 47 giant bags & boxes of garbage/recycling/donations left my house 4 years ago, and I didn't actually need to renovate my old house as a result, mmmmm maybe try flinging some stuff first?

I tried to clear the junk on my own (and even with Flylady) for years but could never quite figure it out. Until I hired a disinterested unemotional third party who simply spurred me on and kept me going when I just wanted to run away from the whole mess and hide. I'm the kind of person who avoids the big sorting jobs because I end up pulling everything out, shoving it behind me as I go, then can't put it back, because I'm trapped in behind a wall of junk. Instead, she takes things away to be removed and clears a path properly and puts the remainder back in the right place, all nice and ergonomically neat and tidy.

I get to be a Princess with a pretty house and no bruises on little ol' me.

Peace, but no peas. Just right.

Trying for a bit of perspective

Good things must be my focus if I am to make it through the next week and a half.

Like----for starters, I have spent today and last Wednesday with a professional organizer who came to my house and helped me seriously muck out my basement. Every single toy, crayon, clothespeg, ancient campaign button, childhood memento, and sewing thingy has been examined, sorted, classified, & packed, thrown out or recycled.

She's coming back in a week and a half and we're going to possibly tackle a closet or two (eeeeekk), but in the meantime, my basement looks like a magazine ad! Weeeeeeeee!!!!!

Next good thing, a new cycle isn't so depressing cause it means new hope for the big "O" eh? No, no, no not orgasm, ovulation! I can have loads of fun with my handy dandy toys, the big goal is a normal functioning endocrine system. So, thank goodness my DHEA has arrived, and I'm going to start taking it tomorrow. The odd bit....it came in a couple of brown paper envelopes, addressed from various names. I swear if my doctor didn't tell me to order it from this place, I'd wonder if I'd accidentally ordered some ex. Oh well, onward and upward, right?

Next good thing is, I spent yesterday windowshopping with Mr.Cotta and we tried sitting on couches and chairs and staring at beautiful things we can't afford yet. It was fun looking at it all though!

I have to go write a fake cheerful letter to my kid now, maybe snap a dorky picture of us all, and write odd little sayings on it....Perez Cotta, anyone? hehehe