Monday, July 09, 2007

Vibrafest, Pt.II

All easily shocked people, AVERT YOUR EYES. Married people might be discussing, GASP, SEX. Aaaagggghhhhhhhhhh---------

Okay, now for the real Vibrafest post.

Why that name? A political buddy made it up when I joked that my version of a bloggers get together was a bunch of woman friends having brunch and then going to a sex shop together and picking stuff out. Which of course is what we did....

I hesitated to post this at all because I've heard from more than one politico that they are astonished that women are sexual creatures. As a woman, getting ahead in politics or business means being sexless & inhumanly professional, so writing this out will probably get me tossed from the party, or at least from the list of electable women. Apparently the reason many of these young dudes were so shocked about Belinda Stronach's rumoured activities was because they believed that she was unusual; that she had a libido like a man, inferring that other women don't regularly have great orgasms.

Uhhhhhh, not quite....

Every woman I know either has or wants to have great sex and great orgasms. Even the politicians and lawyers and CEOs. I may not have agreed with all of Ms.Stronach's political positions, and I feel sad about her recent breast cancer diagnosis, but her personal life was pretty damn irrelevant, IMO, and slamming her for liking sex? Dumb...considering half of all voters are female and like sex too.

Even the infertile and recurrent miscarriers like me want to have great sex lives. Yes, even US.

Bataan Death March Sex month after month as we do timed intercourse on strict medical orders, lupron & follistim injections that leave as dry as dustbowls, ovarian failure that steals our desire, idiotic researchers who try to preach the lie that HRT is bad, medically ordered to refuse sex we really really want during high-risk pregnancies, and male factor IF that depresses our loving adorable fabulous husbands, all the hell our marriages go through, and yet, still, we want great sex, always have, always will even if the public can't handle it.

So Reality and December Baby and I went to Come as You Are and met just the nicest saleswoman EVER. I have to confess, I haven't been to this store before, but I have been to a few other places, whose ambience was....errr.....decidely creepy. Come As You Are on the other hand was very very welcoming, open, clean. They have battery loaded samples of each item they sell on shelves with instructions and everyone is welcome to touch, pick up, look at, whatever. Okay, maybe not WHATEVER right there in the store, but you know what I mean. Ask for whatever you want to buy and they bring it up from the storeroom in a sealed box. Nice, because you know that except for a brief test at the front cash to check if it's in working order, no one else will be gazing on your personal purchase except for you and your significant other.

I liked the store's emphasis on health and safety and cleanliness. They have phthalate free items, latex free ones for those with allergies, and even instructions for keeping everything nice and sterile. Especially important for IFer's because picking up an intrauterine infection, or bacterial vaginosis or yeast can make it difficult implanting our little fetbryos. Kind of a problem....their website has lots of great info, for those of you who own pre-existing toys and want some ideas or want to order something but might feel nervous walking into a store.

I confess, I already own a Pocket Rocket, in fact I've owned a few and ahem...bought newer versions as the old ones got phased out.

This is the amazing one that has been around for a few years and is renowned for having a very very strong vibrating action. Rosie O'Donnell is rumoured to have given them out in party loot bags in the past. Celebrity endorsed you might say...lots of movement in a tiny package, it can be used during intercourse or all alone. And even for women with very very low estrogen, it can wake the kidding...if you can't have an orgasm on it, your blood E2 is likely below 5, and ummmm get thee to a Doc. Safe for women who are allowed orgasm but not intercourse during a high-risk pregnancy. Downsides - handsfree is not possible, and noise might be an issue.

I bought a few new things yesterday.

An old favourite of mythical IF'er, Charlotte from Sex and the City is the Rabbit Pearl, which has dual action and a multi-level controller conveniently located on a separate remote. Very good for solitary use or with a loved one, but not really usable during intercourse In an interesting twist, just might help bring on labour for those of us at the end of nine months, who are praying for our cervixes to dilate and have uncooperative husbands. And conversely, not so good for those who want their cervix left completely unstimulated during a high risk pregnancy. (Just remember to use a condom or be very very careful when cleaning, regardless.) Definitely not as intense as the Rocket, but a really different experience so perhaps not comparable? I approve of it.

The Cone is a handsfree one that is very different from the average and a cool design. I still haven't tried out all the variations. (This website has more.) Trying everything would take weeks and Mr.C. was tired last night after we "reviewed" my purchases. But so far, very very cool. Worth a $130 bucks? Umm, not sure. That's a lot for something like this. For solitary use, not bad, but I'll have to post an update on the various multispeed options/positions, etc. if Mr.C. ever recovers from yesterday's testing. There are a lot of combinations possible. I say, if you are looking for something unique and have the spare cash, go for it.

I also bought this Silver Vibe, but Mr.C. & I wouldn't recommend it. Unfortunately, there are some things mechanics can't duplicate and I guess this is one of them. Damn....oh well.

And my find of the day, not really a toy I have to admit; they sell a silicone based lube called Pink that in actuality is the best damn antifrizz hair leave-in conditioner I've ever used. Just pure dimethicone & silicone. It might work as a lube, I have no idea cause I'm not using it down there, just on the top of my head. Fabulous for my overprocessed hair. Makes it look like those models on the commercials. I used to use Citre Shine, but they took it off the market. Thank God I found a replacement!

So our final results: Rocket, a classic that is still awesome, Rabbit, good, but in a different way, Cone very good so far, final results still pending, waiting for the Russian judge to file. Silver Vibe, eliminated from the competition.

Gold medalist: My hairstyle.

P.S. most comments a-ok, any trolls will be deleted, k?


  1. I passed on the Cone for now because of the price. So I will wait for your recs.

    Must recommend the Ruby Ring. Totally. No, I mean, go back to the store NOW!!!!

  2. Well, from your review, I am not running back to by the Cone myself. At least not yet.

    I am glad you like your new hair stuff!

  3. Hey! Invite me next time! I LURVE Come As You Are -- they were my post-hysterectomy life savers. Seriously, I told my gynecologist to send women there who needed advice and, ahem, medical devices.

    I loved the advertising for the cone when I first saw it, all the silhouetted people just hanging out, reading what appears to be magazines, totally casual-like.

    I'm glad you had fun! I'm looking forward to more reviews.

  4. Wow, you really seem to know what you're talking about! Now I know who to ask...


  5. WOW I did not realize how much I didn't know about these things. I have what you would call a jealous husband and he will not let me have these things. lol He feels he would have to compete with them. So I will just imagine how much fun they can be.

  6. Just found your blog today. You are too funny. The store sounds awesome. We have one near us that's nice called "The Birds and the Bees." I love that place. Happy testing.

  7. None of this applies to me right now sadly.

    So my mom's always looking for the next best anti-frizz stuff. Maybe I should get her some Pink? Would love to see my sister's face if I did.

  8. Whoa - I'm reading this at my desk!

    I'm amused at your weekend's exploits. And hysterical about the hair goo. Just how did you figure it out?

  9. This is honestly one of the best posts. Excellent research, my dear.

  10. As always, you never fail to make me laugh. Everyone in my "office" is staring at me right now with each and every girl like giggle. Good times. Thank you so much for alerting me to this post. I really really really needed to laugh today. P.S. I miss you too.

  11. You go girls! I'm with you 100% ... wish I could have been along for the shopping trip but will have to just feast on your report instead ;-)

  12. Ah God, hilarious...

    And yes, what a gret pity about the Silver Vibe...


  13. I bow down to your hair-styling savy. I would never, in a million years, think to use a lube as a hair product. You are the queen!

  14. You are hillarious. I still have fond memories of the first ever vibe that one of my boyfriends bought me. Got a love a guy, who even at just 20, was secure enough to brings toys into the equation.

  15. Okay, I reeeeally need to get out more. Or stay in more. :)

    This is awesome!