Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Couldn't write yesterday, maybe today?

I'm back home, swollen and bruised, but alive. We all survived our trip. I'm running around getting everyone back to school & work, dealing with electricians and repair people, and yes, going back & seeing my RE soon, next week in fact. Oh yeah, and there's a provincial election happening soon. Forgot about that.

All this activity...I'm great at keeping busy when I can't stand to be alone with my thoughts.

The bustle in a house
The morning after death
Is solemnest of industries
Enacted upon earth, -

The sweeping up the heart,
And putting love away
We shall not want to use again
Until eternity. - Emily Dickinson

Yesterday was the anniversary of Matthew's death, 9 years ago he died the day he was born. If you've never read it, you can find the story under the label Pregnancy #2 on my sidebar. I've written a lot about him and all he meant to me.

Today is the anniversary of Georgia's death, 3 year's ago today, we discovered she had died in utero when we went to get our scan just prior to the amnio. I've really written very little about her. I had written a post before, then taken it down, and now, bits and pieces sit here on this blog & in my drafts, not really right somehow. I can't seem to get it out properly. I know I need to, but it's so much easier to just repress it all and pretend nothing happened? Right?

I know, wrong, I know.

I'll try to write something.


Maybe I'll just run screaming into the street instead.


  1. Either way, Aurelia, I'll be thinking of you today.

    It is hard to write some things.

    Try to take some time to be good to yourself today and this week.

  2. Aurelia, I'm so sorry. This must be a tough time for you. Keep busy and then (as Beruriah said) take time to be good to yourself. You can write when you are ready, such a thing is not a rush.

    Thinking of you.

  3. I am so sorry, Aurelia-- such hard days. I am with Beruriah-- please find some time to be good to yourself today.
    If you can write, I will be here to read it.

  4. Maybe it's hard to write about because you might be thinking that words can't do justice to how much it all must hurt.

    Whether you write or not, I hope that someday the hurt won't hurt as much even though we know it never stops aching.

  5. What a difficult couple of days. let me know if you want to meet tomorrow for lunch or just a hug. I'm around.

  6. Aurelia, I had no idea the dates were so close together. Take care of yourself and I'll be thinking of you.

  7. I'm sorry about the piled on anniversaries. Don't run screaming into the street - we need you, your kids need you, Mr. C needs you. Peace and strength.

  8. It sucks that both of these anniveraries are so close.

    I am remebering your little ones who aren't here with you.

  9. I'm so sorry for these losses. You write what you need to in order to heal, and no more or less.


  10. Oh. Oh I'm so sorry.

    It's taken me over eight years to write about my daughter's twin, who died midway through the pregnancy. These things have their own time frame.

    Take care.

  11. My heart is with you as you remember both your son and daughter. They should be here with you, and I am so sorry they are not.

  12. I am so sorry for the late comment on this but I do hope you found some peace durring those anniversary's. How I wish it never had to be like this. Peace to you and your family.

  13. Thinking of you, AC. Wishing you peace and resolution, instead of pain and repression. You deserve that.

  14. I am sorry I missed this for you - I was out of internet contact while at the shore last week...heavenly to be disconnected for a while, but not so great when people need the support.

    Write about Georgia when you are ready to - no one is rushing you, and sometimes it just takes time (even if it is 3 years or more) to start. She knows you love her more than life, and that is all that is needed right now.

    Wishing you peace among the mayhem.