So if I visit your blogs less or write less often, it's because I'm on a babymoon. I'm not leaving the blogosphere by any means nor am I going anywhere really. But I am SO in love with this baby I want to swoon every day. And the Boys are totally in love with him too....although Mac seems to treat him like a doll, not a baby. If he pokes him one more time....I swear I'll lose it!
In case those of you in the trenches are wondering, I feel a need to say it out loud, every single heparin shot was worth it.
Every progesterone suppository was worth it.
Every painful moment of heartburn, nausea and vomiting was worth it. All of it. Even when I almost choked.
Every dildocam, every moment of indignity, every blood draw was worth it.
And no I should not have had to go through that to get a live baby. None of us should---but fate doesn't work that way and life sucks so here I am.
I will admit that I am having a hard time wrapping my head around his birth and the emergency c-section. Yesterday was his due date and I had a weird time thinking about what should have been and what if and why...etc etc. I can't help it, whole thing is crazy-making when you have giant blanks and you the patient missed everything.
Like the other day I turned to my husband and asked him when he thought we should arrange the baptism. And he told me that he had already done it in the NICU. Now he baptized all of our other children, even the dead ones, but he had always done it in front of me. And then we had a formal ceremony in a church later and a party with friends and family.
But without me? I know he was under stress and terrified that Julius wouldn't make it, but I wish so much that I had been there instead of being spread eagled in an OR getting sewn up. And days later he had forgotten to tell me until I asked! Now I'm wondering what else I missed....
Plus the skin over my incision is totally numb, so numb that I'm worried a bunch of nerves were severed. And there is a ridge of tissue underneath that is hard as a rock and I'm worried it will be like that forever.
Anyone who has had a previous c-section want to weigh in? I know it's early for me yet, but how long does it take to get that feeling on your skin back? Did it screw up your sex lives? (Feel free to be anon for that part) I'm afraid to google any of this so that tells you how nervous I am.