Thursday, November 20, 2008


I'm a bit down right now. My hormones seem to be a bit off. I don't know if it's my thyroid again, or my estrogen but I'm dragging my rear I tell ya.

It could also be the lack of sunshine. Or the overwhelming sense of anxiety I feel today.

Last Saturday we went out to dinner with a very nice couple we like, but they started to bicker over something minor at one point, and my husband and I jollied them out of it, but now, I haven't spoken to her at all this week, and I'm beginning to wonder if something went wrong? Everyone seemed happy?

Monday Julius got measured for his helmet. It was unpleasant to say the least.
Nothing like draping a baby in wet slimy plaster to induce screaming in him.
Hell, nothing like presenting mommy with a bill for $1500 to induce screaming in her.
(Yes, this is considered cosmetic, and therefore not covered by public health insurance. Because children with funny looking bent heads will never be bullied on the playground....eyeroll....issue #873456137 on my list of shit to fix in government....)

Tuesday I finally got the paperwork in for my passports and the childrens' passports. With absolutely no fucking help at all from my husband, who had promised me that HE WOULD HELP. Grrrrr. Anyway, I spent the entire time in the Immigration building convinced that I would be stopped by the guards and given a *special* government cavity search. Mostly because every single time I have ever been in a government building Very Bad Things have happened to me. (I was shaking, polite, and whispering the entire time, hard to believe, but true, I don't rant every second of the day.)

At one point they insisted that I need to have my adoptive name on my passport, except of course for that whole "legal" name change to another name. Ummm, HELLO, I changed it!?! I swear, if it comes back wrong, I'm going to change my last name to "Passport Canada sucks donkey balls" and then get THAT on my passport. That'll show em, right?

Ok, maybe not.

Actually, I'm more concerned right now about Julius' photo. There was a teeny little wrinkle in the background blanket behind him which may screw the photo. His expression was perfect, and blank, and fit all the regs. Yes, I got a baby to behave perfectly and pose nice, no drugs involved. But apparently that is not good enough. Teeny tiny babies must BEHAVE dammit. Here's hoping the wrinkle in space passes scrutiny.

Poor Kaz, though has the worst end of the stick. He alone will be required to carry his long form birth certificate at all times, or his passport will be invalid. The other children, will not have to do that. The reason, as I've discussed, before, is that we were not married when Kaz was born. We got married afterwards. The rules say that all children born to unmarried parents, aka bastards, must carry proof of parentage, because the department believes they are at higher risk of parental kidnapping than children born in wedlock. There is no statistical proof of this, by the way. Lots of parents get divorced and have custody issues, none of which the department can ever discover unless an opposing lawyer notifies them. Basically, they treat common law couples like criminals in waiting, and married couples like they are always perfect and innocent.

This leads to the bizarreness that says that my husband and I are quite likely to kidnap and transport across the border our oldest son, but fuck the other ones, who cares about those little buggers, right? We'll just dump them in a ditch, correct? case you are wondering, I asked, and they will be placing a note on Kaz's passport that denotes that he is different from the other children and must carry a long form birth certificate, along with notarized letters attesting that we "share" custody.

We don't have to do that for the other children.

Even though Kaz can speak and discuss and argue points as perfectly as an adult can. He stays in the house by himself. He has a cellphone. He can go on the subway by himself. He has his own bank account and manages his own money. If a cop or a customs officer asked him if he was with the right person, he'd answer properly.

Even though Mac is pretty naive at eight, not old enough to stay alone even for five minutes, and Julius is small enough for someone to pick up and carry away---no one will ever ask who their parents are or if they are at risk for being kidnapped.

None of it matters, because their slutty mother wasn't married before she gave birth to the first kid. Sigh....well at least I'm in good company. heh

I pick up the passports on December 2nd. Supposedly. We'll see.

Final bit o anxiety....I made the mistake of trusting someone I've known for years in the meat world with my add diagnosis. I came out and it was a dumb mistake, now they won't speak to me. Won't return emails or phone calls. I'm no longer a person to them. Back in the closet for me. Just praying this person won't out me now.

Scuse me, I need to go be scared of my own shadow now....


  1. I still find it amazing that Kaz has to carry his birth certificate as well as his passport.

    Kids passports became compulsory in the UK to supposedly stop parental kidnapping - before kids could be listed on (one or both of) their parent's passport up until age 16.

    I had a shadow on baby-T's picture which is supposedly not allowed but I got away with it so fingers crossed for you.

  2. Ugh. Dh & I still have to get our passports, & I am dreading the process. I can't believe I'm going to need a passport to drive 20 miles over the border to visit my mother's hometown this summer. :(

    Everyone I talk to seems a little bluish right now (myself included). I think it's the weather. November is so grey. :p Hang in there!

  3. Passport Canada is a little stupid. Sorry Kaz has to take the whole megillah with him when he travels.

    And what? The helmet isn't covered? That's stupid too.

    Sigh... I wish you didn't have to be "in the closet". Don't know why people are such asshats about ADD.

  4. Seriously, why would someone act that way about ADD? Makes me want to smack the shit out of her... oops, I said that out loud.

    What a hassel for passports, at least they will be done for what 10 years after this?

    Hang in there hun.

  5. Wow. Nothing like rubbing into a child's face that the govt wants them to know they are technically bastards. Canada does suck, doesn't it.

    As for the judgmental prick about your ADD. Remember it's THEIR problem that they can't deal with it. Easy enough for me to say of course, but it looks like it will be close to my mantra for many years to come.

  6. people are so petty. 'they' (the couple and the meat person) are probably processing.

    I sniff tropical vacation time around the corner.

  7. Wow, I'm very sorry that Passport Canada are so ridiculous about the marriage issue. And the Canadians are usually so much more relaxed about this sort of thing. Whenever I go into Canada (I live in Seattle) it's like the border officials smile, wave, and say "welcome to Canada" and when I return to the US they treat you like you you're an enemy combatant. My daughter's elementary school choir once took a trip to Vancouver to sing there and when we entered Canada one person got off the bus with copies of all the kids' birth certificate and came back in about 10 minutes and we were on our way. When we returned later that day everyone had to get off the bus, with their luggage, and go through security and x-ray. For Pete's sake.

    However I applied for a passport for my (also bastard, lol) daughter earlier this year and I was pleasantly shocked at how easy it was. Both her father and I did need to be there to apply in person, but I think that is how it works for any minor, regardless of parents' marital status, and we got it in the mail just 10 days later.

    Sorry to delurk and then go on and on. Your blog is one of my favorites.

  8. Perhaps your friend doesn't know what ADD stands for and is too embarassed to ask.

    Or she has dyslexia and now remembers you as having that other disease with an A and a D in it. If only she could remember which one was contageous, and how.

    All right, just scratch her off the Christmas card list.

  9. Sorry to hear it's all a bit much right now, and boy am I outraged on Kaz's behalf, that's really ridiculous.

  10. This is simply not true about the birth certificate. Half of Quebec is unmarried including myself. Neither I nor anyone I know has ever heard of this rule.

    Someone misinformed you.

  11. Since you don't have an email, "Fact-checker", here are a few links. FWIW, the law is crystal clear and black letter on this. I have inquired with independant lawyers and Passport Canada and several other sources. This is IT.

    From the ombudsman report:


    Case 5. Birth certificates for minor children: impact of parents' marital status

    Some individuals alleged that Passport Canada's policy requiring common-law partners to submit long form birth certificates of minor children born of their union constitutes discrimination. Married parents may submit a normal certificate. The Human Rights Commission has had the opportunity to review the issue, and it decided that the policy was not discriminatory. Considering the primacy of the Commission's absolute jurisdiction, our Office reviewed the complaint from the angles of transparency and efficiency of communications with the public. At the end of the fiscal year, we submitted questions to policy officials, seeking their reactions and comments regarding potential improvements. We feel that it is desirable to communicate more clearly the requirements for identifying the filiation of minor children born of common-law couples. This would avoid confusion on the part of common-law partners who believe that a normal birth certificate is sufficient. Such confusion generates frustration when parents have to start the process from scratch and appear at a point of service with the appropriate documentation.

    From 2006:

    "The Agency has responded in part to our recommendations of last year to clarify the documentary requirements in cases of divorce, separation and common-law marriage. In such cases, the long-form birth certificate must be produced to confirm parental bonds and rights, which cannot be presumed from the parents’ marriage. This requirement has been clearly set out in the instructions accompanying the application form, which are posted on the Agency’s website. Passport Canada is still considering our recommendation to clearly state this requirement on the application form itself, as part of an upcoming revision of the form."

    Since that report was issued in 2007, they have revised the form.

    Reality is that the perfect non-discriminatory solution to both protect children from kidnapping and ensure that children are not treated differently on the basis of family of origin, is to make every child produce a long form birth certificate to get a passport, and then print the names of the legal custodial parents on the passport, so no one has to do anything differently.

    Instead, children of married couples are left at risk and children of common-law couples are treated like dirt.

    You don't know me very well "fact-checker".

  12. I had to get my 15months old a passport a few weeks ago. I cannot believe the rules about getting their pictures take! Looking straight ahead (totally understand that) but the no smiling and mouth closed thing???
    Anyway, we finally got him to have the perfect picture and the lady over exposed it!!!!! grrrr

    Anyway, I'll keep my fingers crossed that your picture goes through with the shadow if you keep yours crossed that my sons picture will go though with an over-exposed ear! lol

  13. Thank you to my friends who have visited and commented. To those who are not friends:

    It's over. I'm not debating this anymore. It is what it is. I'm very busy this weekend, but as I can I will be deleting certain comments.

    To my sweet friends: do not feed the trolls.

  14. unfailingly civil fact checkerNovember 22, 2008 8:45 am


    I pointed out that you erred in saying that your son will have to carry his birth cetificate with his passport.

    This is a fact.

    I was not rude.

    Pointing ou that someone has made a factual error is not trollishness,

    Delete if you will.

  15. To Fact checker:

    A. you are wrong, and feel free to find the info yourself, I'm to busy to get it for you. As I said in the other post, this isn't that kind of blog.

    B. You switched arguments from the original one you made btw. You lost on the original point, so now you are trying to change tactics. That may not make you a troll, but it sure makes you wrong. Trolling by the way, is coming back when you have been asked not to.

    C. I was told this about the birth certificate by not only the person at the counter, but by other officials in the department at the call centre, by a friend who works in the department, and by my MPs office who made inquiries to the minister's office on my behalf.

    I also confirmed it with a lawyer I hired to inquire about a lawsuit and/or human rights complaint on Kaz's behalf.

    I know that this will not be good enough for you, since the only proof you will agree to believe are links to websites, cause they are waaaaay more believeable than people who work at Passport Canada but since I am out all day, and can't keep coming back here, just drop it.

  16. I've got papers ready to apply for passports for my kids on Monday. The photos have me worried just because Passport Canada thinks they can get infants and toddlers to adhere to their stringent photo standards. I know they're moving toward biometric ID, but really, it's not realistic unless they want to undertake the taking of photos themselves.

    FWIW, when I applied for our first son's passport when he was two months, they rejected Wal-Mart's passport photo. I took the kid home, laid him on a white towel on our deck, snapped a photo and printed it at Future Shop for 29 cents. That one passed.