Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Nightmare on Elm Street

Can you guess what this unidentified object is?

It makes you bleed like a mofo.

It is the size of a grapefruit.

It is unsightly and will disfigure various parts of your body.

It is painful. (back, pelvis, intestines, bladder, etc....)

It is almost impossible to get rid of.

Anyone?

Anyone?

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IT'S FREDDIE!!!!!

He's baaaacckkkkkkk.

Fred the Fibroid, doncha know? And his bromance Voldemort!

Both subserosal, one possibly intramural/subserosal, both painful as hell when poked with a transvaginal ultrasound.

Especially when the ultrasound tech is so obsessed with seeing Obama's inauguration live that she keeps leaving the room go to the "other room", (really, the staff lounge) to "check something". Meanwhile, I am on the exam table, half naked, with a probe up my cooter wondering where the feck she has gone?!?

She was much more attentive after his speech was finished. I know you were all entranced by it, but long speeches are difficult to tolerate when you are on a cold table with your feet in the stirrups and your ladyparts are swinging in the wind.

I felt every moment of those 18 minutes. Truly.

Anyway, Dr.J. will hopefully have some solutions. But I am kind of scared of those solutions, because really, surgery just never turns out well for me. It's that whole death thing....I'm just not sure how many more lives I have to risk.

It's kind of, well, a nightmare.

8 comments:

  1. OY, poor you!

    My mom had fibroids that were so bad they said she had to have a hysterectomy. She decided she was going to try visualization to shrink them and by some miracle, the next time she went back they were GONE. This was about 25 years ago and thank G-d they never showed up again. I know it sounds like a long shot, but there's nothing to lose...

    I hope Dr. J comes through for you with some non-surgical solution!

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  2. i too suffer from all sorts of gyne problems. altho i have been lucky so far i havent had any fibroids, just your run of the mill cysts, growths and tumors..the amount of pain we women go through is enough to make any tough guy cry like a baby. people just dont kno what we go thru..i hope you find relief and a solution that works for you.

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  3. nine. you should have nine.
    how many have you used up?

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  4. Your Friend the Surgeon sez:
    Oh, I should have listened to Daddy & gone to med school!
    [I've talked to too many friends reveling in their renewed good health post-hysterectomy, wondering why they waited so long?!?]

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  5. (((hugs))) That sucks. I am sorry he's back.

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  6. Yikes! I hope you can figure something out.

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  7. Sorry about the fibroid, and that technician should be reprimanded. That was bad behavior.

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