My last couple of posts have been depressing, so I think I need to be a bit cheerier, or at least make some effort.
I have decided to go to BlogHer in July in Chicago. I really want to meet all of you, or at least hang around on your cool kid coat tails. (I'll be the nerd who doesn't want anyone to know the her real identity, or the nerd who tells strangers she has a political blog in her name as a secret cover, but only tells the infertiles about her secret undercover identity as Aurelia. And if you understood that, you deserve a medal for grammer and comprehension. )
Yes, our house is falling apart, and although my husband freaks if I even mention the reno, I need to call the architect and get it going again. Mr.Cotta and I can afford the reno, and desperately need to reno, either big or small, but he has been freaked out by the economy and insists that we should wait until we have all the money in hand before we do it. Well, that will take a couple of years, and the house is now trying to tell us what the engineer already did. Either we spend serious cash repairing some things like roof and foundation this spring, or we reno. This year. No waiting allowed. Period. So I am calling the architect and asking him to just speak to me and he and I will do several plans up and work again, and then we'll see what we will see. I figure as long as he and I keep it away from the husband, he can live comfortably in denial and when and if he faces facts, I'll have a complete set of plans for him to look at. I'm not going to lie to him, I'll tell him I'm calling the architect, but it will be one of those things we never ever talk about, unless he asks and assures me he will be calm and reasoned about it.
Weight/Exercise: Never ever in my life have I had to diet after a baby. Breastfeeding is usually like liposuction for me. Not this time....I guess multiple pregnancies kind of do that. In August, I was 151 pounds. Bloody enormous for me since I am very short and small-boned. My usual weight is anywhere from 110-115, not muscled, and with muscle, should be about 120-125. With some diligence, mostly involving only taking a few cookies instead of a box, or one steak instead of two, or only having a few glasses of wine instead of 3 or 4, I had dropped to 138 recently. Some clothes fit better, and I felt better. Then I was out shopping for my christmas gift, (a fabulous new purse, a really really nice one, instead of the crummy mummy ones I've carried for years), and feeling awesome and beautiful and happy, and I saw a political friend who did not know about Julius. Big greetings! We chatted about politics, and he then he gestured towards my stomach and said, "So, you are expecting another addition to the family?" My heart sank as I realized that he thought I was obviously pregnant, when dammit, I ALREADY HAD the baby. I sort of ignored his question by just telling him about Julius and how great it was, blah blah, cause he is nice and he just made a mistake. And no, he shouldn't have asked that question of any woman, but still, he really did think that, which tells me that I have more weight to lose.
So as of Monday when the kids are back in school, no more cookies, no more treats, no more wine, AT ALL, and no more screwing around. At least until I get to a goal weight. Then I can have some treats again. Small portions, good food, and I really need to get my ass in gear. My abs are recovered, and I need to get some muscle going and some weight bearing exercise if I don't want to break a hip. I already have osteoporosis, so that's risk enough. I take lots of D and calcium, and I am back on HRT, but oh boy, I need to get my body back in shape. I'm 40, time to grow up.
Skin care - I'm going to see a dermatologist and maybe a plastic surgeon. I've been dicking around for years about all these freckles and sun spots and rough patches and pretending it didn't matter, and I'm young and who cares. But again, if I want to look good and not miss a case of skin cancer someday I need to pay attention. I spent lots of years burning and tanning as a child, and even though I reformed as a twenty year old, it's not enough. I already have this weird rough spot on my nose that I think is definitely not acne and needs attention. And yes, I will likely get some laser resurfacing and hair removal and scar removal and other things done that are purely cosmetic. I've always been a pretty good-looking woman and premature ovarian failure, plus age has really screwed with my skin and hair and nails. If I let it go, I'm going to look 50 or 60, not 40. Screw that. Looking my age, fine, looking twenty years older? Not on the table.
My eyesight: More lasers, this time for laser eye surgery. I'm bloody legally blind people. This sucks. I want to be able to see without contacts. I can live with occasional use of reading glasses, but not this. I looked into it before, but I was told that doing it immediately post-baby is a bad idea. Well, seven months later is fine. Time to get them done.
My non-existent career, job, education prospects: I need to finally apply to go back to school and get a second degree or another different degree. I should likely get some LD testing to help with this application process, I guess. It might explain to universities, why I have such an uneven resume and transcripts. I want to, and we can afford it, and it will make me happy. I could get another boring old job job, but I hated that, so why would I bother? I want to make some money doing something I love, not something I tolerate.
Letting go: I stupidly looked at the facebook group for my old high school and university. Now, THAT was depressing people. The kids who were bullies then are still bullies and still nasty and stupid and ignorant. Only this time, they run the alumni association. I met one a few years back in my neighbourhood, and even though she had been a bitch to me years ago, I smiled nicely. Well, she looked at me like I was a piece of shit on the bottom of her shoe. I think that maybe it's time to just walk away and never think about the cruddy awful people from my past again. Why am I wasting my energy on them? Bleccchhh.
Will it all work out? Who knows? Will I do any of this? Who knows?
Stay tuned and see what happens next!