Thursday, November 05, 2009

Seeing clearly now

I am sorry to have abandoned you all, my what 10 blog readers now? Oy...bad me. I've been running around at home and to lots of other blogs and trying to catch up, although Mel's advice to just declare bloglines bankruptcy and start over is likely right.

Last week, after finding out my GP didn't have any Swine Flu vaccine, I took the kids out of school and lined up for the shots. We had to go to a couple of places and luckily I discovered they were giving them out downtown at Public Health's Head Office, and I begged and pleaded my way in. I'm sure that I had it and same with Mac, but since no one would swab us, I needed insurance for Kaz and the nanny and Baby Julius. The staff were quite hostile at first, and almost had a guard throw a bunch of us out, but we all just kept smiling and begging and eventually the crowd wore them down. We got in, and filled out the insane paperwork, and each sat for the shot. Luckily I remembered the infertility video from Youtube that showed if you relaxed the muscle, an IM shot was painless. Either let your arm go totally limp, or stand pigeoned toed if you have to get it in the gluteous maximus. (Heehee, that means bum!)

I'm quite amazed at the controversy over the shot. I mean, I don't love every vaccine out there, frankly some are overpriced schlock. But for any serious illness? Oy...every ICU in town is overflowing. Maybe it's because most people haven't seen the kinds of tragedy I have in life, but everytime I see someone writing cavalierly about all the deaths from this, it drives me crazy.

Like it can't happen to them, only to "other people" like me.

I'm the boogeyman once again. And on both sides! I'm the one with the dead kids so I'm the scary talisman to those afraid of the swine flu. And I'm the one with the kids with ADD/ADHD/LD, and Kaz and I have reactions to vaccines, so I'm the scary talisman to the people afraid of the vaccine. So can we talk about proportions and odds?

Swine flu does cause miscarriage and stillbirth and neonatal death due to prematurity, no question, but lots of other things do too. I would know. Trust me on this.

92% of unvaccinated pregnant women will not get so sick on H1N1 that they will be in hospital or on a vent or die. But 8% will. Where will you be? Well, 90% of my blog readers may be fine, but 10% may not. *

Which one are you? Fucked if I's breathe air? I do.

Vaccines do cause a few minor side effects like sore arms in some people. But not the majority of people. And they sure as hell don't cause ADD or LD. Those have some pretty strong genetic ties. Again, I would know. Trust me on this. But you and your kids are not going to have the rare odd neurological reactions that I have had for lots of vaccines. You won't have febrile seizures and motor tics for days and you won't feel like a truck hit you. (I felt that way after the meningitis vaccine for example, but I willingly did it, because meningitis is way worse. So my hand shook like a mofo while I drank my coffee for a while. Meh, it is what it is.) I am the one in a million medical oddity. You are the 999,999 out of a million. It's ok, I've accepted that fact. You can too.

If you don't accept that, and instead project all of your inner terror on me, it diminishes the very real suffering I did go through as I lost my babies. It also diminishes everything I have done to survive and thrive.

And that is not ok.

So do you think you could all stop the transference?

(Exceptions being anyone with their own shit....)

At some point we have to live and go on and try to enjoy life. I got my shot and feel fine. (Yes, I know....felt like I should report my incredibly strange for me non-reaction to Health Canada as well.) And I am going to keep trying to change and transform and enjoy my life even if something bad happens in the future. I have to. I can't just sit around waiting for the wheel of doom to run me over. It's gonna have to chase me if it wants me.

Anyway, I've been mulling things and I decided to go ahead with something I really wasn't sure about. LASER eye surgery! So today I will lie down on a reclining chair and willing let a strange man point a LASER at me and carve a pentagram in my forehead gently shape my cornea so that I am no longer legally blind and wearing coke bottle glasses or contacts.

The contacts were getting hard to wear and I was constantly battling pinkeye. Really not ideal. At some point soon, I was no longer going to be able to wear them. Which meant verybadthings.

So at 11 am I'll be getting done. And for 2-3 days later I can barely even look at a computer screen. Something about glare? It will kill me! I'm going to ask Mr.Cotta to read me comments and posts and tweets and online articles so I don't lose my mind.

How in the fuck am I going to live for 72 whole hours without the internet? This could be--an adventure. I guess we'll have to see!

*Numbers approximate for sake of conversation