Thursday, March 22, 2007


Recently, things have been a bit calmer in my house, because my family has had a better time of it financially. Personally, I have my ups and downs but it's amazing what a positive bank balance as opposed to a negative one can do for the general feeling of zen in the house.

Should've known better.

1. AF is not here, but of course it is premature menopause fuckin' with my mind again and not the desired outcome.

2. In all good faith & intentions I have made some comments on various place on the web, and some have been taken well, and some I'm not sure. Foot-in-mouth again....or just paranoia. I'm feeling hypersensitive so maybe not.

3. My husband's family has a complex medical and mental history, including hypercholesterolemia, depression, and neurological ailments in various forms. (My kids so far have none of these, btw, but I digress...)

I mention this last one as an intro to say this week my brother-in-law, hmmm we'll call him "P.", is having some problems. He lives in London, England, and had a quadruple bypass about 5 years ago. He has had several TIAs since and doesn't take any of the meds he should consistently, and drinks to excess, smokes, and eats every fatty food he can find. And now his biotech venture isn't there anymore & his marriage has broken down. His wife moved out with the kids a few months ago.

So 2 nights ago he tried to kill himself. A really serious attempt. He was found in time, taken to the hospital and let out again, then a few hours later suffered a series of seizures related to the attempt and was taken back. He is in a hospital ward in serious condition.

In a day or two we think he'll be let out, and he will be homeless, penniless, and sick all alone thousands of miles from us.

You see, his wife V. decided this exact moment, AFTER his suicide attempt, was the perfect time to move back in to the family home, get an injunction forbidding him from coming back home, and cut him off from the family bank accounts.

She refuses to help him get mental help or support him, house him or feed him. (I'm not saying she should live with him, but she could get him an apartment, and stock it with food and get him a Dr.) She seems to have forgotten that whole "in sickness and in health" thing. She has informed us we should fly there and take responsibility for him!

P. is no saint, he has been badly off for awhile, and awful to live with, but he doesn't deserve this...this is just wrong....his wife is his legal next-of-kin and has an obligation to support him in this situation.

But the immorality of what she has done is just killing me. I can't wrap my head around this. It feels so vulture-like. My husband or one of his brothers may fly out in a few days, we may be bringing P. back here, if he'll come. I think he won't leave because he will want to be near his kids. Or the depression will make his medical conditions worse, and he will die from the stress and anxiety.

This is a rambling post that makes no sense...I just wish I could see the future.


  1. not to sound cliche, but why is it that when it rains it pours? I am so sorry you and your family are having to deal with all of this. My thoughts are with you, your husband, your family and your brother-in-law. I am not the most religious person but I will be sure to light a candle for you. If you need to vent to someone who understands what it is to deal with family illness feel free to email me.

  2. I forgot to mention, the family illness I spoke of was also a form of heart disease. We seem to have a lot in common....

  3. Look into the future? Me too!

    Sorry your going through this crap! HUGS

  4. What a horrible situation with P. And it can't help that he's so far away. And what kind of bizarre unfeeling person is his wife? I wouldn't do that to a stranger, let alone a spouse. Or even a soon to be ex-spouse.

    Oh, and don't worry about what various random people populating the internets might think about your comments. I've found that people can get offended about just about anything. It says something about them, not about you.

  5. What a sad situation. I don't know the whole story, but it certainly sounds as if the ex-wife is being rather cold.

    Granted, part of the reason she is so cold is probably resentment over his behavior over the years. She's probably fed up over picking up his slack. I am sure he's caused a lot of heartache for her and her children because of his illness and lack of ability to care for himself.

    It doesn't give her the right to shut him out after such a horrible cry for attention. She ought to be checking him into an impatient mental health clinic. Suicide attempts, especially serious ones, shouldn't be ignored...good for your brother for stepping up. The sad thing is, that hospital he was treated at should have never discharged him. They should have sent him directly to an inpatient care facility. But I suppose money talks, and since they figured he didn't have any, they turned him loose...

    So very sad. (((hugs))) to you and your family.

  6. Aurelia, I'm so sorry for your family. I hope your husband and his brothers are able to help him get through this. I am so glad your husband has siblings that seem willing to pull together for his sake, as well. I imagine that even as adults, a sibling's suicide is devastating as well as world shaking. I know my sister's (she survived, thankfully) destroyed our world, and we've been picking up the pieces for the 14 years since.

  7. I'm guessing that P is not in the States, since I don't know of any facility that would discharge a patient to "home" after a suicide attempt. It's straight to emergency protective custody.

    He definitely needs someone to help him maintain his meds (again I'm assuming he's on, or should be on, ADs). However, sometimes no amount of love and support can make mental illness go away or even treatable. I wish you lots of strength.

  8. He was on ADs at one point and went off and on. Part of the problem is the brain damage he suffered 5 years ago while on bypass and from the strokes later. Apparently this happens to lots of bypass patients, their heart is made healthy again, but their mental state is never quite the same.

    And of course, even if we go visit to help him, we can't stay there with him for very long. Which is why I wish his cold ass wife would put him in a hospital and get him some decent help....

  9. If it's not one thing, it's another. I'm sorry about your brother-in-law, and his rotten wife. I hope things turn around.

  10. I am so sorry for it all. People are terrible to eachother and sometiems the ones that are suppose to be there for you, are the worst offenders. Sending you a huge hug!

  11. Gaaa! I want to hit P's wife over the head with a skillet. Mother may I? PLEEEEASE? That's just atrocious.

    It's wonderful that you guys are willing to bring him over and take care of him. Good luck - this stuff is horrible to have to deal with. If you do end up taking care of him, please don't let yourself get burned out. There are lots of good supports for people caring for suicidal relatives.

  12. That BITCH! If she can't bring herself to take care of him for his sake, she should at least do it for her kids' sakes.

    That's horrible, A. I hope he'll let his family help him so he can begin to pick up the pieces.

  13. What I wouldn't give to see the future :-)

    Actually, only if it's good stuff. I don't know if I'd want to see the bad stuff and then stress about it before it happens.

    Or maybe it would make me live my life differently...

    Regardless, this is immoral. You don't hit a person when they're down--especially when they're that deeply down. Especially when they are the father to your children. Gah--I hope the situation gets better soon.

  14. Poor man, it's like something in a film.

    Probably he will triumpth in the end but right now he sure could use a friend.

    Is he an alcoholic? Probably he drove her crazy and she lost sympathy for him.

    Not taking sides, don't know all the sides. I think he must be in a lot of pain, I hope he will be ok.

  15. I hope that things turn out ok with P. I can't believe the nerve of his wife. Even if she didn't want to be married to him anymore, you would think she would consider her children and maybe try to help him out for their sake.

  16. Oh good God...

    This is all too much. I'm so sorry. I wish I could see the future too - for all of use.

    Please keep us posted...


  17. Horrible, horrible story. Just one thing re other comments, it's the NHS here which discharged him, and regardless of money he has, that means they should have referred him to a mental health facility. Unfortunately due to Mrs Thatcher there are few of those, so that may be why they have discharged him completely, very dumb, but that's a stretched health care system for you.

    I do hope you can find some way to help P from a distance, this must be incredibly distressing (not to mention the reproductive angst going on at the same time).

  18. sounds like your brother-in-law could qualify for disability income. I don't know if he has applied for it but he should and do not be discouraged if he is turned down the first time. Nearly everyone is. You are right, he needs help. I am assuming the county mental health system is somehow involved if he attempted suicide and the police were called. I am also thinking there might be some kind of mental health committment proceedings if that is the case.

    It sounds bad right now. He needs all the support his family can muster to pull through this. And whatever happens, take care of yourself and your family...Best of luck to you! I know I don't have all the details of your brother-in-law's situation but what I gave you is what I would be looking into.

  19. I'm sorry to hear what your BIL is going through.
    I'm reading The Time Traveller's Wife and realized, although I'd love to see the future, I think I'd rather not.
    I'm hope you're doing better. Just wanted to "Spread the love." and leave a comment.