I'm having a bit of a day, a few days, which is why I've been out of touch and not blogging/brighting. (DD's invention, web writer = briter, not blogger, K?) This weekend was husband's birthday, and we tried to give him a nice day. Sunday we had a bunch of people over for dinner, and today, I had some adventures in therapy.
I had a very long EMDR session with my therapist today, and worked on some issues around my adoptive family and my miscarriages. How do these connect? Pretty simple, society refuses to acknowledge losses it is uncomfortable with. The loss of my biological connection at birth matters to me, and the loss of my very much wanted miscarried children matters to me.
But to the world, not so much.
I know, worth comes from within, and I shouldn't worry about what others think, but I'm not made of steel, and there are limits to how many shitty people I can take per square inch. So I'm working this out in my brain. It's hard, overwhelms me sometimes, and then it gets a bit better. Sort of like trying to make a wild rollercoaster ride into a nice smooth train ride, it takes time to untwist all that neurosis.
Speaking of ignoring my emotional limits, I topped off my day with a nice long interview with a reporter at the cemetary. We sat around the gravesite in the freezing cold, talking and drinking lousy coffee. (Yes, I really know how to entertain the fourth estate...fuck...oh well)
This really got my adrenaline pumping...the article won't be out for a long long while btw, she'll let me know when I guess. Feels like an eternity at this point, plus she's making it about other parts of Canada, not just my city.
So, I'm excited and exhausted and yes I know I seriously did way too much today, I plan on vegging tomorrow and reading all of you brighters. I have barely looked in on your blogs all this weekend and today.
Must sleep now...rollercoaster is coming to an end for the night.
It's hard when the world doesn't acknowledge the whirlwind of pain we're going through, hmm? Makes me want to stand up and shriek at the top of my lungs, but where would that get me? Hauled off to this century's idea of Bedlam, I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteYes, well...
Glad to hear that you had what sounds to be a fun, relaxing weekend, AC.
I'm not so sure there are all that many losses that "society" likes to acknowledge, at least not for very long. My experience is that regardless of how "acceptable" your loss might be, people still give you about 2 months and then expect you to have moved on. But I do completely agree with you that there are those more ambiguous losses that really, really get the shaft!
ReplyDeleteFortunately, there are those rare individuals who understand the more pervasive nature of so many losses and aren't afraid to ask and listen even years later. We just aren't all so lucky to have those kind of people in our lives.
I hope you got some rest!
In Biblical times, people were allowed to mourn for 40 days and that was pretty much all they did. Today, even if we acknowledge the losses, grieving is put on a fast track as the previous commentors indicated.
ReplyDeleteWhen a person does not acknowledge the losses in their lives, how can they acknowledge the gains? It seems to be a sad reality that we have to feel pain in order to feel happiness whether our own or others. Yet the fact we feel at all is really what being human is all about. Half of us feel and the other half seem numb.
Good post and I hope as well that you get a good rest.
brighters, I like it. Bloggers make us sound like we write in the loo!
ReplyDeleteI know its hard to not care what others think, did you discuss that with your therapist?
Have a good rest Aurelia, see you soon :)
X
Take care of yourself, Aurelia.
ReplyDeleteWow woman, that's quite a couple of days you have had. So I am interested in how the EMDR session went. I am find them effective but absolutely exhausting. Is your therapist well trained in the process? How many trainings has she had? I am a big fan of EMDR and wonder how it works for other people in various situations. So glad you gave it a try for this issue. Sending lots of restful hugs at you. Now go sleep!
ReplyDeleteYour miscarried children matter, Aurelia. But you know that. I worry my own blog seems to devalue the pain of miscarriage, but it's just my own inability to express myself clearly.
ReplyDeleteAnd so does your loss off your biological connection at birth matter. You also don't need me to affirm that, but I understand your feelings on the latter more than I can say online.
I hope you were able to relax a bit today. Yesterday sounds like a doozy.
ReplyDeleteI hope tomorrow will be a better day.
ReplyDelete