I have slowly been getting back into the swing of things. And making lists of what I need to do bit by bit when I feel up to it.
Like:
- find my favourite shorts in my closet
- start some form of exercise program
- get laser eye surgery for my serious nearsightedness
- renovate the house
Lists lower my stress level. They anchor my free floating anxiety. Instead of a giant cloud of chaos I can't quite grasp, I see a path somewhere. The only thing is the list can't be too long and the first things on it can't be too hard, or I will feel emotionally blocked, and give up on ever ever getting the rest of the list done.
Past lists have included small things like "clean my purse", "take in drycleaning", and bigger things like "apply to grad school", "learn french" or "change the world", etc.
Or "Have live baby".
That was the first thing on my list for many years and it's---------
Done
I feel much lighter right now.
So what do you think I should do next, oh internets? Like not in the next two minutes, or even two months, but going forward? We're settling into a nice routine, so I think I need to contemplate this. Will I stay at home, go back to work, go to school, advocate, lobby, volunteer?
Putter, dabble, dawdle?
Now what? Hmmmmm
Whatever you decide to do, I know I'll be watching, fascinated.
ReplyDeleteI would give yourself the first year of Julius's life to putter, do the occasional bit of advocacy, maybe take on a house project or two, exercise, enjoy your boys. But generally putter, enjoy life and not feel like you've got to run somewhere fast.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Thalia!
ReplyDeleteI remember someone very wise telling me to give myself a break and take some time to just chill. :o)
ReplyDeleteYou know, I find that once you jump into something big, it is very hard to find time to rest again, if you need it. So I am with the "chill for a while" crowd. But after that I am sure Niobe is right-- whatever you decide to do will be most fascinating.
ReplyDeleteI'm a list person myself. Love a good list. It keeps me on track, gives me direction.
ReplyDeleteI say, for now, you should accept the good and enjoy a few moments of dawdling and puttering and dabbling. When you become bored with this, you could do anything. I see such a wealth of information in you and a strong, helpful personality - share it, do good things. I have no doubt you will.
Good luck with whatever you decide. If you're anything like me, you're on to the next item on your list as soon as the one before is checked off. I rarely sit around for long, but I hope you can take some time to enjoy and appreciate what you've been able to accomplish and the life you fought so hard to get. It's enviable.
I am a new reader with a little boy born just a few days before yours. I agree with the above commenter's putter for a bit and enjoy yourself.
ReplyDeleteI've got you signed up for lobbying and advocating already (as if you could resist) but you do need to putter around for a while as well.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLists! Aren't they great? But with those boundaries you mentioned.
ReplyDeleteAs for what to do next, I can't think of anything more exciting than sitting and contemplating your options for a while. Options! Hear that? You have options!
Bea
Oh I love lists. They definitly keep the cloud of anxiety at bay.
ReplyDeleteI like to do a couple of the easy things on the list first so I can cross them off and feel all good about myself which gives me purpose to complete the other stuff on my list.
The fist thing on my list?
"Make a list"
Then when I'm done making my list, I can already cross one thing off.
Ha ha...
I'd pick "learn French" and "change the world". Staying at home could be great if you could and especially if you have things to keep you busy.
ReplyDelete