terrible horrible no good very bad week

My life is like this book this week.

I was cutting Julius' nails with a tiny set of nail clippers and I almost cut off his thumb. Seriously, blood everywhere, screaming baby, hysterical mother....I know I should just chew his nails off with my teeth, but they are so hard now, so difficult to chew through, I was almost tearing them. Poor thing, he's healing, but I feel guilty as hell.

Mac is having trouble in school again. He just can't sit still ever ever ever. If you ever want to see a living example of ADHD, he's it toots. He gets up at dinner and runs around like Helen Keller before Annie Sullivan taught her sign and got through to her. It takes hours to do homework, not because he doesn't know the answers, but because he can't sit still long enough to write them down!

I know he needs help, and it's just a brain thing and no big deal, but this week, I feel like a failure because we had to go have an appointment with the psychologist and lay it all out. Like I'm finally admitting that I passed on my crappy genes and gave my kid something bad.

Same with Kaz, but in his case---the work at his new school, (needs a name, how about St.Catholic Boys School? St.Cbs for short), anyway the work at his new school is incredibly easy compared to his old private school, mostly because at St.Cbs they are trying to amalgamate the kids from public school, who are way way behind, with the kids from private school who are way way ahead. So their solution seems to be to just go with the lowest common denominator....drives me crazy. If the public school kids can't keep up, then they should just get tutored. Dumbing down the work just so they can ease the transition is not the solution. Which makes me sound like a snot I guess, but here I am agonizing over how my kid will need extra help and I don't want to label him and meanwhile he's done all of this work before.

Like in Grade 3 for fuck's sake!

So why am I feeling guilty over my kid having LD/ADD?

And why should I have to go through this much crap to get him the challenging work he deserves?

Sigh.....

Also, I got a speeding ticket. For only going a teensy bit over the limit, on a straightaway empty section of road, with no sidewalks, and no cross streets.

My toilet broke, and I have to buy a new one, (we tried the cheap repair, but really, it's no good in the end). I hate spending money on this house when we are tearing it down.

Speaking of house reno, I haven't sent my wish list to the architect at this point....and I have to or I just gave him a large deposit for nothing. Trouble is, I keep changing my mind about what kind of house to build. Ultramodern design? Traditional Victorian? Basic Suburban Stucco? Faux French Provincial? Monolithic Concrete Brutalism? Meanwhile the roof is going to leak again this winter, possibly falling in.....and the floor is falling apart what with all the nails we have to remove due to nail pops.

The internet broke and I spent one entire day on the phone to India trying to fix it.

Then I had another argument with my friend Maddie about schools and IEPs and stigma and I swear---there are some things that we just disagree on and should never ever speak of. Ever!

And I'm on a new diet now. The no wine, limited treats, and no overeating diet. Like only one breakfast and one lunch and one dinner per day. And no more icing out of the can. No fair!

So I am grumpy. And very very very behind on everything I want to do.

P.S. Did I mention that I got a hot flash yesterday? Yep...fuck, my ovarian failure is back, so much for breastfeeding holding it off......