Not with the pregnancy, just me.
I keep opening your blogs, and trying to read, but then----I don't. I click open the window, and try to figure out what to say, what to comment, but nothing comes to me. No pithy words, no inspiring hopes, no comfort.
It takes every ounce of brain power to focus on what you are all writing. And I'm sucking at it. I'm good at it usually, but I seem to have no energy, no nothing. Huge enormous issues crop up, I know I have words to offer, but my fingers won't type them.
I have lots of stories, like how my husband actually couldn't understand that we were high-risk? He thinks that once we get out of the first trimester, we're fine----a breeze. I looked at him like he had three heads and reminded about our last loss at 16 weeks, and Matthew at 21 weeks, and how I went into premature labour with Mac at 34 weeks. His face turned pale----oh yeah, it comes back.
I really think he deals with stress by blocking out bad memories. Not that I blame him. I'd love to be able to do that! I'm being forced into talking about this pregnancy with everyone I meet, because I'm showing enormously, I swear I look 5 months, not almost 8 weeks. As my stomach and boobs pop out, my ass is shrinking. (Yeah, it picks now to shrink, what was wrong with June?) Most of my stomach popping out is my fibroid and my weak stomach muscles, but still....half the women at my school have guessed, and the other half are telling everyone. They are all so happy for me, there is no malice, after everything they've watched me go through, and everything they've read in the paper, it would be hard not to hope I'd get a break. It's just hard to feel like a celebrity on bump-watch....I kind of wish I'd get to tell them on my own emotional schedule, not my damn bodies'.
Anyway, next 2 days, we're painting the living room/dining room, and I'm hoping to get some relaxing time in, away from the house, but who knows?
Maybe the Ashley Sale will unfrazzle my brain. It can't hurt. Spending money is good, right?
I have 22 tabs open in Firefox right now, sorry, I'm not a stalker, just temporarily frozen, helpless and tongue-tied. I got nuthin' guys, just nuthin but crap. Sigh...