So if any of you can think of positive things to say, or happy thoughts, or inspiring stories, I need them.
I saw Dr.J. today and she told me that the report that had been faxed over by the radiologist did not show heartrate numbers, but they phoned for me this morning. Basically, the crown rump length, (CRL) is 4 mm, and the fetal heartrate is 98 bpm. (The gestational sac was in proportion, but not the size I mentioned in the previous post. I have to go fix that typo....) Most people have conventionally been told that any heart rate under 100 is not viable, but hearts don't just turn on like lightswitches at 6 weeks precisely. So some studies say that 98 is within the median range for 6 weeks gestation exactly and a CRL of 4 mm, and other studies say I'm borderline or just plain screwed. There are some on this site. And a bunch more, but I can't look up all the numbers. I'm crying so much I fogged my contacts.
The radiologist didn't write anything negative on the report and Dr.J. assures me that she would've, or that she would've phoned Dr.J. directly right there and then if she had any concerns. And I keep trying to hold onto that, the hard-earned knowledge that they don't let you leave if anything is wrong. Because they don't. They keep you there and phone your Doc. And this U/S clinic is really really busy and has a lot of experience dating pregnancies and determining viability. So they would know.
But right now, all I can think about is that this may be my last chance at pregnancy, and I just want to crawl into a ball and cry, because if it all goes wrong, I'm not sure what I'll do.