I'm in one of those moods right now. I haven't slept much in the last two days/nights because my nausea/heartburn is back and I'm feeling really achy because I have to sleep upright again. I'm so exhausted that nothing looks logical or intelligent.
Like----I'm fat, and ugly and everything I wear looks awful, and doesn't fit my enormous freaking stomach. And my husband is bickering with me over stupid things like what to feed the kids, so every single thing he says right now I am pissed off at and suspicious and feeling like really it's all just a prelude to him asking for a divorce since I am so ugly and fat and huge and unattractive.
PLUS, my hairdresser had to reschedule my haircolour appointment last week, due to some silly CT Scan medical emergency thing he had, so my dark roots are showing really badly and I broke some nails, so now I look even more unattractive.
Like last week he went out for drinks with that witch I mentioned before? The one who goes on and on about how incompetent her ex-husband with ADD is, and how much happier she is now she's divorced him. Meanwhile, no one has ever given him proper ADD medication or therapy----but he's "incompetent" to her. And I can barely take my meds anymore because they make my blood pressure go up, so i guess that makes me incompetent too. And she once came on to my husband years ago when we were married, so I really really hate her guts, and I don't care if it's business, he can meet with someone else for fuck's sake, but I don't see why it has to be her?!?
Why why why did he have to meet up with someone who is skinny, and attractive, and has all of her marbles, and is rich and has a high-powered job? Who I am quite sure is still attracted to him and wants to sink her claws into him, or at least convince him that crazy withered up ugly old me should be thrown aside like so much garbage so he can go live a great carefree perfect life.
I spent a whole lot of time this weekend convincing our son that he should go to church with his Dad even if he didn't feel like it, because it means a lot to his Dad, and just out of respect he owes him that much, because it's not like we ask him to do very much around here. All that, even though I personally think Church attendance is pretty useless. I believe in God, very deeply, but church? Meh. Meanwhile, I do this anyway because my husband is very hurt by Kaz's attitude and I want my boys to respect their Dad's wishes even though I think the whole thing is whatever---just like I'm going along with his crazy idea to try another sleepover camp after last year's disaster, and I'm going along with his crazy idea to send him to this giant high school, and all the other ideas he has.
I'm supportive of him in front of the kids even when I don't agree with him. So yeah----I'm feeling a little unsupported and paranoid and sad and abandoned by everyone who matters right now.
If you'll excuse me, I have to go ALL MY MYSELF to my ultrasound and Doctor's appointment where I will find out that I am being abandoned by my Doctor and left to fend for myself while my cervix mercilessly opens at only 34 weeks.
I hate men right now. I just hate them.
And right after I typed that, I started to cry so hard that I choked on my own snot, and ended up peeing gallons all over the only pair of clean pants that fit my enormous ass.
I give up
Sometimes, I guess there's just not enough rocks....