Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Not much rest

I got a little rest, but my OB won't give me anything more for heartburn medication than what I'm taking now, so I'm trying to figure out what to do. I can't sleep upright for the next four weeks, nor can I be sleepless. You know the old mantra about if you want a healthy baby, you need a healthy mama? Which is why it's so important to take care of pregnant women and not just babies? Yeah...I'm feeling like I need to see my GP, the lovely Dr.J. She might have some solutions. I hope.

As for the rest of my visit? No protein in the urine, but my BP is climbing slightly and I'm looking a little swollen. Pretty normal for 34 weeks for me. My cervix looked normal on the US, still 3 cm, so I figure it's just softening up. Still doesn't explain the pain. And I just don't accept the blanket explanation of "irritable uterus". It sounds too much like "We don't know and so we're just going to label it X." I'm going to ask Dr.J. to check if I have a UTI or something else that might make sense. Otherwise, I'm lost.

The baby is still measuring ahead of dates, like 2-3 weeks, but now, only on the head measurement, and the body diameter (stomach). The femur length seems to have lagged a bit and is measuring on target for 34 weeks, but 2 weeks ago it was only a little smaller, so I am worried a bit. Body diameter is a bullshit measurement, because it's soft tissue, so I ignore that, and the head measurement can be a bit off since it can include the outer tissue or not depending on the skill of the operator. But a femur is a femur. And it didn't grow much this time.

My OB tells me not to worry, that babies are going to start to vary on ultrasound size, and that as long as he is still growing and developing, it's okay. I'm still nervous anyway. I keep thinking about deformed and dying babies with big heads and short legs....utterly stupid, but still. I keep thinking about it.

I'm also slightly panicking about not having anything for when the baby gets here. I still haven't had the nerve to order the damn nursery furniture and yet I desperately want it here set up right now. And yet----I don't want it anywhere near my house. Conflicted a bit.... I washed all the baby clothes in storage and in the basement, in Tide once, and in baby laundry detergent again, and I'm trying to figure out what we'll need vs. what we have already. (Short answer btw, almost everything we have is too old or not very good/usable. Lisa B has made me throw out all my old plastic dishes, sippy cups, toys etc. since of course, duh that I am, I did not realize that they would have deteriorated a lot and probably have toxic chemicals on them after all these years. Sigh.....I actually need to shop.) I just feel incredibly nervous doing it.

As for styles, I have lots of opinions. I really don't like the current fashion color scheme of orange, green, and brown, plus shag rugs...not me, thanks. I'm not into the flowered Fisher-Price thing much either. Brown is okay, and so is blue, and well lots of other colors, like red and what have you, but I seem to have an aversion to Seventies' color schemes. I like clean lines on the furniture, no need for frilly with a boy I guess. My husband seems to breathe a sigh of relief whenever he figures out that I won't be buying everything brand new and PINK like if we had a girl. Since, you know, I'd have to spend a million dollars buying every single cutesy outfit on earth.

As for stuff, a couple of people still have some of my stuff and I'm reluctant to ask for it back from at least one woman. She has my diaper genie and some other stuff, and while she would likely return all of it, no questions----she is also a former infertile, now adoptive mom, who has never really worked through her issues around her infertility. Like for example, even after everything I've gone through, she insists that I am not infertile and never have been, because I'm able to get pregnant however hard it is to stay pregnant. She sees my losses as sad, but doesn't understand the big deal because she views my living kids as outweighing my losses completely. Like they erase everything. Plus, my ovarian failure doesn't matter because it happened after I had two living children. And I of course, disagree. I mostly ignored it because she and I got along in so many other ways, but it does grate on the nerves sometimes.

I also worry that she was so in love with the fantasy of having kids that she now views the reality as not very fulfilling, based on what she has said and done in front of me with her adopted kid. She is frustrated and upset a lot, frankly, I think she expected a Pampers commerical, and when all she got was a normal little girl, who threw tantrums and cried sometimes, and was average instead of baby einstein, she became very very depressed. I remember her actually telling me that they has specifically wanted a little girl because they thought girls were easier to raise than boys, who were messy and loud. I'm like, uh, stereotype much? Some girls are quieter but not all, and hey, any messy women out there? Little kids are always messy, boys or girls. You have to wait until they grow up for it to get easier.

To be honest, I think the thing that bugs me the most is when she gets really pissed off about her kid misbehaving, and starts talking about how much they paid for her and how for that much money they expected better. (Seriously-not exaggerating here.) "We paid $40,000 and this is how she acts!" I keep praying she'll shut the fuck up before her daughter is old enough to figure out what she is saying. I mean, help me out here, but if you were an adoptive parent, wouldn't you very very quickly delete that dollar figure from your brain and never bring it up, certainly not within earshot of your child? Talk about guilt-laying....

I'm thinking I'll just buy a new Diaper Genie instead of talking to her? Yeah, definitely. Maybe I'll get my husband to email her at some point and let her know about the baby. He can deal with her.


  1. Wow. I find that comment abusive... (about the 40 grand).

    Yes, all kids are messy, misbehave & don't really have an appreciation for sleep (my 14-year-old has discovered sleep recently, just when she's finally old enough to be able to be helpful - go figure).

  2. counting the pennies against a child is so juvenile, so repulsive, I have no compunction saying that woman is not worth your time. Buy a new genie so you don't think of here everytime you bag a diaper. I wish I had a weekend to drive down and go shopping with you but I can't sdo that until Victoria Day. Although, if it interests you I will.

  3. I guess I need to stop fretting about getting things done for another month or so, but I hate the idea of having things left undone.

    Your friend really is taking her IF issues out on her daughter. I wonder if she says, "This is my adopted daughter" when she introduces her? That some serious bitter she's working on.

  4. Hmmm, I think that sometimes we get so caught up in wanting something, that when we have it, we don't know what to do with ourselves. And I think that there is definitly at tendancy to get stressed out with very young kids and forget how really wonderful they are. I hope that as the little girl grows up, the mom will calm down and just love her.

    But in the meantime, I think that a little distance is a good thing. Diaper genies aren't that expensive, (although, I never cared for them). If the furniture thign really freaks you out, You could get a little playpen and hold off on buying the rest until you have the baby and are looking at the playpen and thinking "this kid needs a bed".

    Just a thought.

  5. Oh dear. That is sad, and very, very offensive. I mean, I guess if I wanted to I could add up all of our fertility costs and put those on the heads of our children... how crazy and disgusting would that be?!?

    Buy a new Diaper Genie. That woman sounds like poison.

  6. buy the new diaper genie...send her the bill.

  7. oh boy I have missed A LOT in a few short days.
    First off I refuse to be blamed for the bisA debacle. You can't ignore the globe and mail and the feds. come on, its not just me.
    Second get thee back that diaper genie. That woman is grating on my nerves and deserves to have her diaper genie and her kid seized.

    And fuck, I am sorry you can't sleep and being pregnant SUCKS and you are sick and that all I can say is I'm sorry.

  8. Not going to comment on the friend.

    As for heartburn, for what it's worth, this is the thing that has the most impact for me: basically eating my whole days' food before 2pm, except for a couple of light snacks. Full breakfast (often including pre-boiled eggs, meatballs, etc), dinner leftovers for morning tea, hot lunch, then just a normal afternoon tea-sized snack and 1/3 of a dinner, with maybe a cup of milo before bed. It makes more difference than anything else. Hope your appetite will allow...


  9. Wow I find the comment about what they paid for her very worng. I mean at least with me if I were to adopt a child they would be my child not something I purchased. It sounds like she just wanted the status of having a child and that is so wrong. I really feel for that little girl.

  10. Oy! Sounds like a rough week.

    Your friend... well... what everyone else said. Sounds like a very normal little girl and an overly idealistic parent.

    Have you ever thought of: 'Online shopping'!!? Possibly followed by 'Returns.' It might make acquiring things less stressful! And they deliver it to your door!

  11. Yikes, I know there is a vast gap between the ideal of motherhood that we build up in our fevered imaginations & the reality, but I think this woman has problems. I agree, buy a new Diaper Genie (you don't want the germs anyway!).

    I like primary colours for a nursery, especially for a boy -- they're supposed to be able to see them better than pastels.

  12. OMG. On your "friend" Seriously. How horrible.

    I hope you feel better and are able to get some rest!

  13. I'm an adoptive parent and an infertile. (We're currently trying a 2nd time)
    I am always amazed at how many people talk about the "cost" of their children. We spent over $30,000, but it was to pay people to do paperwork and care for our child, until he was legally ours and we picked him up.
    I would never state that we paid $30,000 for him and that he better live up to it!
    I have said that he'll be 25 before I pay it off, but you know... that's a different story.

    I cannot believe the insensitivity of some people. I truly believe that if you cannot get beyond having your "own" children, then adoption isn't for you.

  14. online shopping, friend...i say bite the bullet. and you can even get bisphenol A free bottles and stuff that way - since i'm not sure Cdn retailers have caught up to the ban, yet? i wouldn't know. i haven't been in a store in a month!

    as for the friend, bah. poison. though if you do ask for the diaper genie back, see if maybe she'll throw in the kid, too. sounds like the little girl could use a warm welcome somewhere.

  15. Wow, you are 34 weeks already!! See what happens when i stop reading blogs for awhile LOL.

    That is very nasty, what your friend has said about her daughter. Ugh.

  16. my God, I don't think I could be friends with that woman. I would have to bite my tongue to keep from offering to take her tantrum throwing little girl off her hands on a permanent basis.

  17. Late to the commenting but my Mom used to say the same thing to me growing up (about the $40k) and it always made me feel devalued and ostracized. I used to have such awful dreams where I was part of a garage sale where buyers passed me up until the owner changed my sticker to the "magical number". It's hard enough learning to trust that strangers will keep you when your own flesh and blood didn't without adding the colder shroud of "ownership" to the mix.

    Arrange to meet your friend to get your diaper genie. Print out my comment and give it to her. No, it's not your place to correct her methods of childrearing I suppose. But the child in me sure wishes someone had had the balls to say something to my Mom and at least plant the seed.

    No child deserves to feel like that.