Meh

I am trying to get five minutes to post and to return all of your emails...but I am swamped, and also kind of meh about blogging. I'm busy as hell, not just with the baby but also with the older boys getting back from camp, and getting sorted out going to school. Plus the house reno and various other things like taking the kids to Ontario Place. I'm just trying to organize my life and when everyone gets back to school next week and settled in, life will be better. Until then, bear with me people.

I'm also sort of wondering where I fit in the blogosphere these days. I'm kind of a different mom than some of you first-timers, since I've been doing this longer and with multiple kids. (With a few admirable exceptions like my faves Lori and Rachel Inbar, my compadres!) Anyway....it's a bit hard for me to hold back on the assvice when I see some of you freaking out about stuff that really is normal. I try to be kind and reassuring, but occasionally, I stick my foot in it. And sometimes, I know I must sound like I'm talking out my ass.

I've just been through a lot lot lot of adventures with the older ones although long before blogging existed. So I kind of want to share that stuff but not sound bossy or know-it-all. Trouble is, it will end up coming out like that....or more like I'm an ancient old lady, waggling my finger.

And I don't know it all by any means. Like the Swaddle Me wasn't invented then, and it really is the best thing we've bought. I'm still learning things from Julius, who is mystifying me with his bizarre growth patterns. The kid is now doubled his growth at three months, when most kids do it at six months. He is sixteen pounds, 3 ounces as of yesterday. And exclusively breastfed---crappy latch and all. I'm still battling yeast/thrush on and off and finally turned to grapefruit seed extract on the advice on my pediatrician. (Tastes like blech btw, but it works amazingly. Put the drops in honey or maple syrup or something to hide the bitterness, or be smart and buy the pills.) I'm almost rid of it I think, but I'm still breastfeeding anyway. Mostly because I am too lazy to formula feed. I'd rather throw dishes away than wash them, and all that work mixing! Gahhh, am too much of a slacker mom.

Unfortunately I am not rid of my weight....I saw a picture of myself and realized with horror that I haven't lost an ounce of fat, and I really don't like how I look; double chins, ginormous ass and stomach. I never thought I'd lose it all by now--I'm not an idiot, but I thought I'd lose a little bit of fat. You know, gradual weight loss, maybe a pound a week until I could get rid of the fifty some-odd pounds I think I gained. I did lose ten or fifteen after giving birth, mostly baby and water, but then my milk came in and I think I gained five pounds or so. Then I got hungry and the whole plan went to hell and a handbasket.

Did you know that if you eat an entirebagofcookiesextrasteakscandybarsglassesofwinedonutshotchocolatejuicecake that you might gain weight? Or at least not lose any pre-existing weight?

Yeah, somewhere between the two steaks I ate Sunday night instead of one and the giant can of chocolate icing I ate with a spoon in a corner of the couch, I realized that I might have to stop eating like a pig. (And yes, I am being piggy. I really am. This is not just post partum hormones.)

I feel crappy, kind of sad and meh and not liking me. My new purse? After I bought it, I decided it is not as nice as I thought. Mostly because it does not make me look skinny. The pain makes it hard to exercise, but I am trying to move a bit. I've now seen a bone specialist, a physiotherapist, a masseuse, and a chiropractor, none of whom have done me any good so far.

I have lots of stuff to blog about but I just don't know if I feel like bothering. Does it do any good? Is there any point? My horoscope says I need some sleep, and my baby is up more at night.

I just don't know. I just feel fat and crappy. And I hate mirrors right now. And politics. The Democratic Convention is making me cry because poor Hillary is showing such incredible class and I think that she will not be rewarded. And the stupid Harper Tories decide to call an election while people are dying of listeriosis. Nice timing you heartless bastards....might make it easier to beat them, but still....

Crap crap crap, off to sleep.