Thursday, February 15, 2007

Lowered expectations....

Sing along with me now, anyone remember the skit from MadTV called "Lowered Expectations?" It was about a video dating service that catered to people who were not, ummm, easily able to get dates.

Like Ms. Swan here. Thing is, it doesn't just happen to the Ms.Swans out there, it can happen to anyone.

I really should lower my expectations of men...there are limits it seems to what they are willing or capable of. Like before I had kids and thought that I would always have a relationship where my "partner" would do half the childcare, half the housework, half the effort in maintaining the relationship.

I should have remembered that these speeches are the 21st century version of a pick-up line. And once they have you, married, or economically intertwined or pregnant, well, those ideas go right out the door don't they? Like, why do men think they deserve the Order of Canada for changing a diaper? Or doing the dishes? Or being romantic?

At our house, we don't celebrate Valentines Day in a huge way normally, but last week husband and I had agreed that we would celebrate it this year with a little romance. We had a bottle of pink champagne from New Years, just begging to be consumed. And we had talked about presents we would buy, and doing a little romantic thing together after the kids went to bed. (This required feeding them dinner the second we walked through the door, so we could get them to bed early, and be alone.) So I raised my expectations, a lot.

And when he didn't have my present in the morning, I just figured he was going out shopping during the day, but he wasn't. Same with the rest of the night...he eventually came home, presentless, dinnerless, and not even saying he was sorry. He was busy, "working". We ended up dragging the kids out for dinner, and getting them to bed late. We drank the champagne, but it wasn't exactly romantic, since we were watching TV and then I fell asleep waiting for him to come to bed. I'm supposed to understand, and say nothing, because he's providing a nice income, and running this new business.


It's not a zero-sum game. Just because he is working doesn't mean he can't stop by a store and pick up a card, or buy me a small present. We finally have some money. He walks by dozens of nice stores on the way home. There's this new thing called the INTERNET which allows men to send their wives roses any day of the year, with just a few clicks and a credit card.

There is no earthly reason why he couldn't come through, like he promised, except that he just doesn't think it matters. He thinks that no matter what he does, I'll still be here, keeping the home fires warm, dealing with the kids, and keeping our lives together. He takes me for granted.

Well, he's going to regret it today. I'm going to go out shopping, and commit serious bank account abuse, preferably on some things he will truly hate. And tonight....tonight will be fish night. He hates fish. Yes, passive-aggressive, but deeply satisfying, however temporary.

Reality is, he agreed to celebrate it, then screwed it up all by himself.


  1. Aww, girl, I am so very sorry. That sucks in every single way. It's time to give him a dope slap, and then I will follow up with a good kick in the ass. I also think that fish is in his future for the next several weeks. You are better than I, because at least you stick with passive-aggressive, I am just plain old aggressive. Throw stuff, scream, yell, and slam doors kind of aggressive.

    By the way, I always loved SNL's Lowered Expectations skit. I can even hear the song. I sing it all the time, before I check my grades.

  2. Oohh, Aurelia, he is so due for a wake-up call. I thought that he was just being obtuse in a male way, but if you had AGREED that V's night was going to be special and PLANNED what to do, and THEN he didn't do ANYTHING??!!! He deserves some serious ass kicking. As well as hitting the credit card, if I were you I think I would be making it fish night EVERY SINGLE NIGHT until he wakes his ideas up, starts grovelling and cooking YOU dinner! Men!

  3. Oh honey - that's awful. I did laugh out loud when you said you were serving FISH for dinner tonight though - I hate fish and that would really be a punishment. I hope he gets the message!

  4. They truly can be idiots. I'd be boiling as well, only I'm more aggressive-aggressive in such situations than passive-aggressive. Would it cheer you up if I sent you an email with Emanuel's latest? It involves my biggest phobia and trauma. AND, you can punish me with fish any time you want.


    Actually - could he be pissy abt something himself? Bcs that sounds like passive-aggressive behaviour as well, since he'd agreed and he knew you'd be upset. So maybe he's taking it out on you. Could it be?

  5. Totally unacceptable behaviour, I am very shocked. I think it's fish every night for a week, surely?

  6. Selfishly, I'm so glad I read this today, as I am also having a my-husband-is-a-thoughtless-ass moment. I'm glad mine isn't the only one.
    Unselfishly, I'm sorry he's being a shit. I hope you bought yourself some beautiful (and expensive) things today.

  7. I'm just sitting here shaking my head. How can he do NOTHING for you after you agreed to do SOMETHING together? It makes me angry, so I can just imagine how you must feel. The fish is a great idea, and like Thalia says, maybe go on a purely fish diet this week. Men!!

  8. A big GRRRR to Mr. Cotta.

    Also, yes, the Internet? You give it money and it brings lovely presents to your spouse. Hello? So easy!

  9. I LOVE that you are doing fish night to piss him off. That's awesome. I agree with the fish every night idea some have mentioned.

    Did he offer any excuses other than work? I mean, it sounds like he had some lead time to get prepared....

    I've had many similar incidents with my husband, and they do suck. For some reason they just don't seem to understand that it's about more than getting a present--it's really about the fact that you want them to treat you like you are important, like they treasure you.

    I hope you got some cool stuff today...and I hope he hates it!

  10. Hope hubby enjoyed the fish.

    Is tonight fish night too?

  11. I can't believe this! How awful.

    I like your plan. I hope you bought yourself lots of nice things. If you need some fish recipes, I can give you enough to feed him fish for weeks without repeating them.

  12. I can't start with the DH comments. I just can't.

    I never met Ms. Swan before. Thanks.