Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Can't give in to the dark side
Nooobooody loves me, eeeverybooody hates me----gonna go out and eat worms...sigh
I am so sick that I am incapable of seeing the good side of ANYTHING right now. I'm really trying, I swear. I told my Doctor yesterday that I have never actually felt this bad with a cold, cause usually I get a little symptom relief from the over the counter stuff, like m0trin or tylen0l, or pse*doephedr!ne...(BTW, did you know that you can no longer buy that stuff without DM, even though DM doesn't work...apparently it's because they think all of us boring middle class moms are going to sell it to crooks, never mind that the volume needed to cook m3th is impossible to get from like even a zillion visits to pharmacies, gahhh. And yes, all the crooks would NEVER keep DM in their m3th, they only want high quality for their customers...*eyeroll* apologies for siderant.)
So I'm ignoring a certain post, and comments which sent me into a good long cry yesterday. I know it wasn't intended that way...but it's just not funny to me. I'm sure all the adoptees and birth moms will get why I'd be sad over it. I know the rest of you won't understand why, I'm sorry, it's just how I feel, I can't lie about it on my own blog.
*Edited to add, basically as an adoptee, I believe it is never a good choice to donate embryos for someone else to adopt. Melt or donate to research is fine. I just can't deal with the whole anonymous thing when adoptees everywhere have been trying to find their parents for years. IMHO, no difference, sorry guys, you don't have to agree with me, just know it's how I PERSONALLY feel.*
And I'm trying to ignore this hideous poorly researched nightmare commentary by a woman named Margaret Somerville. (She thinks she is the cat's meow of ethics in Canada, but really she's just a pro-life bigot who hates gays. But worse, than that, she pretends to know "science." Google her name, you won't believe it.) The accompanying Globe article isn't bad except for the part where they say prenatal diagnosis is all about Down's. And according to them Down's isn't a problem, easy peasy...that whole 90% death rate prior to birth...ehh, an inconvenient thing they ignored. And Trisomy 18? Gah...what's that? Or how about all of the other hundreds of lethal birth defects, that endanger women's lives during pregnancy from the deformed placentas? Nope, not bothering to mention them... Much more convenient to judge me and kick me and every other woman who has had to make that difficult decision.
My favourite quote from Somerville, "We're going to be able to detect genes for manic depression, but many of our great artists are manic depressives. It's linked to creativity." Really Marg, I thought it was called bipolar illness, and that the fabled link to artistic endevours had been disproven. Never mind that bipolar illness is easily controlled and treatable, and finding just one gene for it, like someday, say 30 years from now, is highly unlikely.
Never mind that women who terminate pregnancies are almost always dealing with FATAL birth defects, not treatable, fixable issues. Why not muddy the waters with a gratuitous throwaway line? I think it's because it will make all the women who terminate pregnancies the bitches with the scarlet A on their chest.
Nothing like waking up and being called a eugenicist to really get your crank going in the morning, huh?
But I can't.think.about.that, lalalalalala, must take more cold medicine and watch stupid TV shows....I know I will feel better when this cold lifts.
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We can get the "real" stuff...just have to ask at the pharmacy and sign your life away to get it.
ReplyDelete~signed, A Hard Core user. :o)
I'm assuming I know the reason why that post and comments sent you into a six-hour crying frenzy.
ReplyDeleteFor my part, I apologize. I know that my comment couldn't have made you feel any better.
It's a difficult question, with strong opinions. I am staunch in my position, because amongst other reasons I allowed 13 embryos to expire and because I worry that right-to-lifers will limit IVF in some way. I cringe at the thought that other women will not be able to benefit from something, because I didn't care about the cause.
Pre-cycling I did check the donate embryo box for fear that I would be punished some how for not passing on a blessing that God would hopefully bless me with. I didn't look into it enough. To donate I would have had to pay for the freezing and storage first. Silly me. I thought that the clinic would have a donee ready for a fresh cycle.
If I were truly honest with myself, I have to admit that destroying embryos is purely selfish. If I do believe that eight-cell or less-cell embryos are non-entities, then why would I pause at the thought of donating them? There is a finality to the destruction versus did my embryos get transferred? Was a baby born? Is that baby okay? Is the birth mother okay? Did I donate "bad" embryos, without knowing it? Reflectively, I also wonder isn't there more than one way to help life? What happens if my embryos were the ones that enabled a researcher to develop a cure, find a gene, or create a therapy for some hideous disease or syndrome?
Next time you go on a six hour crying spree, come on over. We can cry for six hours together.
ReplyDeleteOh, Aurelia, I am so sorry that this issue has set you off. You really don't need anymore triggers right now. Stay away from controversy for a few days until you feel a little better (I know, that's probably like asking you to remove your arms, but I think you hear what I am sayin' on this one). You don't need anymore toxins at this point. Get hubby to bring you home some good movies or sitcoms to pass the time. REST WOMAN!!!!
ReplyDeleteOn the other side, you have given me a new way to look at embryo donation. I hadn't even considered your point of view and now I do. Thanks for opening my eyes to the other side. You really are amazing.
I wish I could come up with something else funny to say. I am working on it though. Stay tuned my friend. I love you and am sending get well thoughts your way.
And furthermore, not to rile you up or anything, but I don't suppose this brilliant Canadian ethicist mentioned how all of those creative artists with BPD eventually committed suicide? No? I didn't think so.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Nicole.
ReplyDeleteI said it in an email to you but I'll say it again here since this post is back up; "if you’re not feeling up to it, I'd leave it".
Isn’t worth it.
They aren’t worth it.
And for what it's worth, it was seriously tasteless "humor" and I've made a list of commenters that shall be struck off my bloglines with immediate effect. Haven’t got time for "people" like that and neither should you!
But did you know that not all embryo donation is anonymous? There are donations out there where children have access to their genetic roots if they should so desire, similar to an open adoption (except I would say that an embryo donation is far different than open adoption in many ways.) Is that more palatable to you or do you just fundamentally feel that all adoptions are wrong? (Not trying to start controversy, just interested in your perspective.)
ReplyDeleteDear Leggy,
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what to say to you, because really giving you a good answer would require a lot more space than a comment, and I also don't know enough of your story to avoid offending you. (Can't see very many details on your blog, I guess there is a password?) So apologies ahead of time.
Anyway, yes and no, I know there is such a thing as known donor for egg, sperm, and embryo, but that is not the norm, nor is it the only thing that bothers me about the whole idea, although getting rid of anonymity helps me wrap my brain around it.
I am not opposed to adoption as a whole, but I do believe that adoption has been done so incredibly poorly over the years, and still is, that a good adoption is a hard thing to do. Speaking as an adoptee, I cannot "cure" your infertility. That weight is too heavy to bear for any child. And as an infertile woman, it kills me to know my only chance for another living child is to have one that will never be related to me genetically. I'm screwed no matter what I do.
I didn't comment at that other post because I wasn't offended at the post nearly as much as I was about the commenters, some of whom, seemed to view their embryos as interchangeable. IRL maybe they are much more contemplative, but it didn't come across.
As for embryo adoption being different than open adoption, not really, sorry. Based on my own experience, my biological mother is precisely the same person as me, except for appearance. Personality, voice, actions, ADD brain, everything...which is why it's hard for me to speak to her. We're twins, and I irritate myself sometimes...two of me, sheesh!
I may post something on this in the future, but I am really really sick, and I just can't get my thoughts any more organized.
More therapy by internet, fuck....
No-one ever ever has the right to make you or any woman who terminates a pregnancy like "the bitches with the scarlet A on their chest". You have been through too much heart-ache and pain for your motives to be called into question by any outsider.
ReplyDeleteStupid, stupid quote of Sommerville in the context. Also disingenuous and misleading. But, erm... go easy on the "bipolar illness is easily controlled and treatable" stuff, please? Because, you know, it isn't. Neither easily controlled, nor easily treatable. Even for the mildest forms of BP, even self-aware and optimally medicated, it's hell to go through again at every recurring episode. And some BPs, e.g. yours truly, aren't even blessed with the artistic (!!?!) temperament to compensate. Doubly fucked! (lol)
I wish you well, you are a fine person.
Oh sorry Fred, I apologize. I just know several people with BPD who are ok with their meds, and the contrast she made of something that CAN be treated vs. an untreatable fatal illness kind of stuck in my head that day and annoyed me.
ReplyDeleteDo you have a blog? Just wondering because I read a few BPD bloggers like Nicole above?