Monday, February 05, 2007

Well, it had to happen sooner or later, right?

We are sick, me and Big Son, and Little Son is looking sicker all the time. So far husband has avoided it, but he'll be here in crummy illness world soon.

I thought Big Son just had a cold...but the fever, malaise, serious stuffiness, and hideous pain in the throat have convinced me otherwise. Like fever of 102, which barely goes down with m0trin, and a searing pain the throat, that makes me think he & I both swallowed ground glass.

Yes, I have it as well, but since mothers are not allowed to EVER get sick, (is this a law or something, geez?), I am up, making breakfast, calling the Doctor about arranging swabs of the throat for us all, and generally trudging through it all.

In the meantime, go visit Kathy at Motherhood and Angels. She has discovered that Dear Abby has written (as of today's date, sorry no permalinks) an inappropriate response about a woman who lost a baby, and wrote Dear Abby back correcting her. If you read Dear Abby and want to respond as well, then do it please. Treating women who have lost their children with dignity & respect is the first step back to mental health for many of us. It can make all the difference between eventual healing or falling into the pit of despair.

I've been in that pit, and it's a bad place. Dear Abby shouldn't be helping to push someone down there. Give us a hand up instead Abby!


  1. That seriously pisses me off.

    I suggested that the woman who lost her baby should make the photo into a lapel pin.

    The response from Dear Abby sucked ass.

  2. Grrr, Abby bugs the hell out of me. But then I guess most people do. ;)

    I get so pissed off when nothing gets done around the house because I am sick. Husband, while he is an awesome hubby, really needs some work in this arena. When I get sick, it's like a license for him to do only the bare minimum. Essentially he feeds the dogs and heats up my soup. If anything else needs to be done, well it just doesn't get done. You should see our kitchen after I have been sick, someday, I will post the photo even if Husband objects.

    That should be soon considering that I seem to be coming down with something too. I've got the irritated throat, low grade fever version. It's going to be a long week, I can see that right now.

  3. If that's the case, then I'm assuming she would also say that it's not appropriate to have pictures of living children on your desk. You know, to keep it appropriate in the workplace. For the love...

    I'm with DD and the lapel pin approach...

  4. I read that Dear Abby this morning. I really thought she was getting better, in light of her advice to an adoptee last week. Guess I was wrong. Even though I haven't lost a child, her advice came off very cold and unfeeling to me. How could she know what that woman needed to do to mourn?

  5. One of my friends I used to work with had a stillborn baby. When she returned to work, she put a picture of her daughter on her desk. Most of the office was mortified and said all kinds of awful things about it. I stuck up for her once or twice. It brought her comfort to have her daughter on her desk. I didn't see a problem with it. It wasn't the most attractive picture by any means, but it was her daughter and it was what she needed to make it through the day.

    When my dad died when I was 17, I wore a locket with a piece of his hair. Many people thought it was weird or kind of gross, but I needed to do it. I don't wear it anymore and my friend doesn't have a picture of her lost daughter on her desk anymore.

    There is a time people should be allowed to grieve, it is different for everyone. Dear Abby was really wrong on this one.

    I hope you all get better soon. It kind of sounds like the flu. I am requesting that you keep your germs on your side of the city, cause I don't want them!

  6. Aurelia, I adore you. But as I slink away, I think the picture out in such a prominent place might be somewhat inappropriate. Maybe it's the "death" idea that is spooking me these days, but inappropriate would very much depend on the picture.

    A friend has pictures of her stillborn son on a prominent wall in her house. It's her house so there is no discussion. The pictures did freak me out as they did play on my worst fears of pregnancy. The blue-no-doubt-the baby-is-still-born will forever burnished in my mind.

    I realize that there were not other opportunities to photo her child alive. But I do wonder if the picture could be camoflauged from the whole office, but easily viewable for the mother? On her blotter? Or in a frame, turned at an angle?

    I haven't miscarried, so I know that I can't begin to understand the different and complicated feelings of pain. I hope I don't come off as unfeeling. I'm just wondering if there is an inbetween? How do we grieve in the workplace, without being in everyone's face?

  7. I was thinking about that Dear Abby letter all day yesterday. It's under my skin.

    I think what is making "Apalled" so uncomfortable is that Madge isn't behaving like a happy little robot that just loves to do her job. She has the audacity to grieve and thereby admit her own humanity and the humanity of her child. Tsk tsk. Didn't someone tell her feelings aren't workplace appropriate, and babies are replaceable? I believe she needs a visit from the Stiff Upper Lip Brigade. /sarcasm

    More to the point, though, she's exposing the absurdity of working "within her job description." How can petty office crap seem that important when a child has died? I really wish Abby would have told the letter writer to get over herself.

  8. Thrice honey, no slinking allowed seriously. All I'm going to say is, I don't think the picture is very big, I believe it IS small, and these people are just trying to look for a problem.
    It's probably the size of a polaroid, which is easy to ignore. We'll see what Dear Abby comes up with next, eh?

  9. She has a Dutch name, her photo is very scary is it not? Very artificial looking woman. No thanks, don't need her advice.

    If I need to ask a person who is too afraid to be real for advice then I will know that I am seriously in need of help.