Which is good---and bad.
I wish I was distracted by a surprise trip around the world, but that's not quite going to happen, so nevermind. Instead I got distracted by Mac's illness, which is practically cured! Mind-blowing how he can be bedridden one day and attempting to jump off the swingset a few days later. Resilient little guys, eh?
But I did kind of forget about what happened 3 years ago right around this time. I knew it was coming up, and got very very stressed about it, and then, everything shifted and I barely remembered my name.
But just so you all know...I know I still have more work to do to make sure that this never ever happens to another person, ever. I just have to figure out the legalities around it---not hard for my little obsessed brain, I hope. Apparently, Massachusetts and California have laws that prevent this from happening, and if they can do it, then Canada can right?
I saw a new shrink the other day, and we spoke briefly about this and some other experiences, and it occurred to me that for the last year or so, I'm starting to internalize that a lot of this crap has been done to me, and that it was not caused by me; two different things. Now I said starting, so don't get me wrong, I know that deep down I still blame myself for terrible things that have happened to me, and it's completely illogical to blame myself, blah blah blah, but that kind of CBT type of therapy never stuck to my brain. I needed to feel this deep down. I keep wondering if it was the EMDR therapy I did, or maybe the courses of propranolol? Or maybe just the passage of time.
Don't know....but tonight, I'm not feeling quite so crappy about it. And that has to be a good thing.