I'm starting out 2008 with some whimpering here. The fragmin shots? They hurt, they hurt a fuck of a lot when you've done 105 of them, and you have 161 to go, plus 6 weeks post-partum. I'm using Bea's method from the Youtube video and IVF Shoot Em up, and it's helped a lot, but my skin has too many tender spots to miss now, and I'm not sure I can stand many more months of this.
(Yes, that is the protocol my high-risk guys mandate for everyone with clotting disorders. In the olden days when heparin was used, osteoporosis was a risk, so they told us all to stop early, but low-molecular weight heparin doesn't have the same effect, and since my blood was so sludgey when I didn't take it, and my blood is so utterly totally normal ON it, they want me to do it for sure.....sigh.)
I'm trying to be brave, and good, but some nights? I just can't face it. It's just too too hard. I end up staying up later and later trying to avoid the pain. Which cuts into sleep, not good either. I need a nap now.
I'll keep taking the shots, I will. I want a live baby. I just feel rather bitter today and jealous of normal pregnant women who can have live babies without needles!!! I've never had a "normal" pregnancy and birth. I've had emotionally terrifying ones and dangerous physical ones and dead baby ones, but I've never ever just been boringly normal. Even Kaz, my first, was a total emotional rollercoaster because Mr.Cotta and I were trying to figure out the parameters of our relationship. And his delivery? I-yi-yi, no hearts and romance there, just screaming helplessness.
I promise to be brave again tomorrow, but right now? I just want to whine. And cry "THIS SUCKS!"