Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Little weakening in the resolve here

I'm starting out 2008 with some whimpering here. The fragmin shots? They hurt, they hurt a fuck of a lot when you've done 105 of them, and you have 161 to go, plus 6 weeks post-partum. I'm using Bea's method from the Youtube video and IVF Shoot Em up, and it's helped a lot, but my skin has too many tender spots to miss now, and I'm not sure I can stand many more months of this.

(Yes, that is the protocol my high-risk guys mandate for everyone with clotting disorders. In the olden days when heparin was used, osteoporosis was a risk, so they told us all to stop early, but low-molecular weight heparin doesn't have the same effect, and since my blood was so sludgey when I didn't take it, and my blood is so utterly totally normal ON it, they want me to do it for sure.....sigh.)

I'm trying to be brave, and good, but some nights? I just can't face it. It's just too too hard. I end up staying up later and later trying to avoid the pain. Which cuts into sleep, not good either. I need a nap now.

I'll keep taking the shots, I will. I want a live baby. I just feel rather bitter today and jealous of normal pregnant women who can have live babies without needles!!! I've never had a "normal" pregnancy and birth. I've had emotionally terrifying ones and dangerous physical ones and dead baby ones, but I've never ever just been boringly normal. Even Kaz, my first, was a total emotional rollercoaster because Mr.Cotta and I were trying to figure out the parameters of our relationship. And his delivery? I-yi-yi, no hearts and romance there, just screaming helplessness.

I promise to be brave again tomorrow, but right now? I just want to whine. And cry "THIS SUCKS!"


  1. I know it sucks, it really does. I'm so sorry.

  2. you know I'm a huge proponent of telling it like it is. you're absoltely right - it sucks. go ahead and wallow for as long as you need to-its been a hard road for you.

  3. Yup, sucks. Don't suppose you could use different sites for a while, like insulin patients do?

    Thats all I can think.

  4. It sucks. I'm sorry.
    No it isn't fair.
    I like to have a good temper tantrum now and then. I hope you wake up feeling better tomorrow.

  5. Hang in there Aurelia! I'll be thinking about you!

  6. Whine away sweetie! You deserve to, all those shots are tough.

    Sending you icy skin and hugs for after. xo

    PS - thanks for your comments lately, they've been spot on to make me feel better :)

  7. Yeah, I'm having to go farther and farther afield to find non-tender spots. Luckily the tender ones do heal up eventually, but it aint so easy as it was way back then to find a spot. Also, The Foetus now likes to kick the needle from the inside. Is now not a good time to mention that to you?

    My other trick is I only ever put out as many needles as I can deal with mentally at one time, and pretend the others don't exist at the back of the fridge.

    Anyway. Like you said, we will suck it up. Normal is boring, anyway.


  8. Whining is okay. That's what this is for, and what we're for.

    Yuck. Needles. Ick.

  9. I agree this does suck. You deserve at least a few normal moments. May 2008 bring you lots of them, my friend. Whine all you want, I'll keep reading.

  10. Isn't it amazing the things we do for our children and future children? I don't know many people that would endure daily pain (and know in the future that it's coming) for other things.

    Take care, and good luck with everything.

  11. No need to be brave.
    It totally and completely sucks. It's unfair and you have every freaking right to complain.
    Is it comforting to know you're doing EVERYTHING possible to deliver this baby alive, though? Because you know you are.

  12. I'm sorry, Aurelia. It does suck very much.

  13. I sympathise. Started mine in March, along with BCP for our fresh cycle, and have been on it ever since... also heading for 6 weeks pp (that will be May or June 08!)


  14. PS I find there is a band of skin not by my navel but nearer to my side, where it hurts much less.

    Put the needle in slowly at 90 degrees ALL THE WAY and inject slowly.


  15. Goodness Aurelia, it is OK to feel like this s*cks. Because well, it does. Not the having a baby part, but the needles. Yes, those absolutely S*CK!

    Wishing you the best.

  16. I found you via Mel . . .

    Hey, the internet is here for venting!

    This can't be easy.

  17. Oh, it sucketh, it doeth. With the unending sucktitude of eternal suckiness. Whine's ok. Want some pg-approved cheese to go with?

    And normal? WTF is that? Never ever had it. Wouldn't know how to recognize it if it walked up to me and said hi. So yeah, I hear ya.