Wandering thoughts at almost 18 weeks

I'm wiped out after all this time with the boys at home over Christmas. My husband had to work most of the time, and today they are back in school, back to their routine, and I can finally get a nap for my very tired pregnant self. Or heck, maybe just the TV to myself for an hour or two! I love hanging out with them, but when they have too much together time, they escalate from bickering to war in no time flat, so school and friends are a very good thing in our case.

My Blackberry is more confusing to work than I thought it would be. I think I'm going to hire a temp to enter all my contacts and calendar on this thing. I've never ever used an electronic organizer, and everybody tells me that this is this answer to my prayers, but I'm not sure it will be unless I can figure out how to send an email! (Yes, the email isn't working properly, welcome to Canada) Apparently Rogers has disabled a host of features available to everyone else in the world because hey, why not? Grrrr....maybe yet another help desk call will work.

And yes, RIM, is a Canadian company, based right here in Ontario, in Waterloo and I think they have a great product, but would you understand if I said that in this one instance, I want to be an American, or well, any country on earth with a competitive wireless market?

Okay, maybe scratch that....I'm sorry to all my US friends, but I just don't believe Obama is the living embodiment of the second coming! Honestly, after 20 years in politics, I've never met a successful "second coming" candidate. They all seem to overpromise, and then underdeliver, and the basic rule in politics is always always always underpromise and overdeliver. Americans seem to have blocked this memory, but George W. Bush was the supposed Messiah to the right wing, and look how well that turned out. Even Republicans are pretty ashamed of his record, even if they don't want to admit it.

Here up in Canada---we had Paul Martin Jr., a talented guy who never quite fulfilled all the fantasies his followers had for him. More recently, Micheal Ignatieff had the same thing happen. So, I'm a little skeptical about Obama, I mean at this point, he'd have to actually BE Jesus Christ to fulfill everything he's reputed to be able to do.

John Edwards? Ehhhh, I'm just not that inspired by him, you know? I don't know why. Hillary I like, mainly because she has a long record of professional & political experience since long before Bill came along. And I'm really really annoyed by all the people who say that she's only where she is because of her husband. Frankly, this is the typical reaction every female candidate gets whenever they run, but I assumed, no hoped, that maybe someone could read her resume and notice that she's had a career for awhile, quite awhile before he was President or even Governor.

On a personal level, I like candidates who have gone through a lot in their lives. It makes them more complex, perhaps more contemplative? Certainly more sensitive to the needs of others, unlike people who have had everything handed to them easily. We all know about Elizabeth & John Edwards struggle after losing their son Wade, and then having their subsequent children. So they understand loss and grief. Funny thing no one ever talks about though, is the struggle Hillary & Bill had to go through to have Chelsea. I remember watching an interview with her long ago where she discussed the years and years of trying to get pregnant, and having practically the entire state of Arkansas watching them in anticipation after she announced she was expecting. I remember her musing about wanting another child, maybe trying to adopt for the second one. She never did either, but I can imagine trying to conceive in front of a national audience is pretty brutal. I'm having the jitters just trying to be pregnant in public what with all our friends and neighbours knowing our history.

Of course, none of that is any guarantee that the person will be sensitive to the needs of the infertile people or of grieving parents. George W.Bush and Laura Bush went through a lot to get their twins, and were in an emergency high-risk delivery situation. They almost lost them, and yet---has anyone noticed any U.S. federally funded research on stillbirth, or miscarriage or neonatal death, or increase insurance coverage for infertility and maternity care? I've seen lots of platitudes, but not much cash on the barrel head for the last 7 years.

And yes, I'm feeling less negative, and a little hope for this pregnancy is sneaking in. Not very solidly, but there a little hope. My official 18 week ultrasound is next Monday morning, and I'm seeing my doctor this week to get checked out a bit. Chit-chat, get weighed, and most likely discover that I've probably gained another 10 pounds. You know how I'm the perennial skinny little chick? Well, not while pregnant, in fact, I blow up like a balloon. I lose it all afterwards, but in the meantime, it's a bit hard to get used to the giant breasts and the disappearing neck, and the way that my normally average toes look like sausages.

Seriously, what the hell do women do who normally have big breasts? I've gone from an almost not quite B size to over a D, and these things are getting in the way!! You just can't do the same kind of stuff with your arms, you know? Whenever this happens to me while pregnant, I begin to feel great sympathy for women who complain about large breasts. I never understood it before pregnancy, but after my first? Oh yeah.....

Off to have a nap now. Or a snack....mmmmmmmm