Starting fresh in January

I have put off attempting to get pregnant for awhile, because I have been worried about the possibility of thyroid complications. Plus I've been trying to get my head sorted out about a bunch of issues including my marriage, our finances, and my own mental muddle about how I view my life.

But my hyperthyroid/Graves Disease/TMG blah blah aside, I am slowly getting unmuddled about my marriage. My husband has tried being patient over the years, and I've tried being patient with him, but neither of us are very good at handling serious stress. And starting a new business can be very stressful.

We are finally digging out of the financial mess we have been in for a few years, and that has prompted great relief, plus my DH thinks that he and his partners can finally give themselves some serious raises in January. And best of all, the long awaited dream of a benefit plan might happen. (Yes in Canada we have free health care but not for prescription drugs used out of hospital, unless you are poor or elderly, or have a plan through work. We have had none of these.)

And throughout this financial craziness, I have not been working for a variety of reasons. Some times I feel like truly sick, and other times merely lethargic, and quite often depressed at the choices I have. If I got to work at a job I enjoy, it will mean long hours and our family life can't take that. Or I can get some crappy job I am bored at, with fewer hours, and way less pay. This will crush my self-esteem. My DH knows this but he tends to think, well, "who cares, just get a job"---trouble is, at the first sign that my job is interfering with his life, he starts haranging me to quit! Quite two-faced, hmm?

The therapist I have right now has been helping me with sorting out my feelings about my birth family and my adoptive family, maybe I'll talk about that in another post----it's getting better, but it's kind of upsetting still.

As for my kids, they are settling into school, and life is calmer. There are still jolts here and there like discovering that my oldest son is underweight, like in the 2nd percentile and we have to feed him like crazy or else. We go for another weigh-in on Friday and I'm hoping he will have gained weight soon. We switched to homo milk from 1% and I'm feeding him anything he'll eat. Combination of picky eater + ADD kid on Concerta + excellent low fat family diet + inherited skinny gene= superskinny child. I think I may have gone overboard on the vegetables! Interesting factoid though, I have now discovered that one cup of homo milk plus 2 tablespoons of Nestle Quik chocolate syrup is the same amount of calories and fat as Pediasure. And stunningly cheaper! Throw in a Flintstones once a day and we're covered.

So if things stay stable around here, and life is calmer, maybe I will try to get pregnant again. Supposedly, my thyroid is in "remission" from Grave's Disease right now. Either that or I have a brain tumour and I can do nothing about that, so I'm going with the remission theory. (The brain tumour on my pituitary is a rare remote possibility, and I'm writing here just so I can verbalize it, and stop being afraid of it, silly, but helps me stay sane) I'll just have to get monitored during pregnancy and until then once a month get my TSH, T3, & T4 measured and see if that works.

I'm on Day 4 of this cycle right now, so I'll HRT for awhile and count down until January. Then let the fun begin, right?