Friday, February 02, 2007

Inflame me a little more please

This post and the accompanying comments have set me off. I keep trying not to think about those sextuplets, because everytime I do I just lose it. Julie did a good job I think of saying all the things that needed to be said. Problem is that I: A. read the news voraciously so when I speak to various politicians I'm fully overinformed, B. people who know a little inside stuff have also gone through IF and losses and need to talk to someone and C. I'm still in agony over the deaths of my own children.

Grief + wine + TMI = shoot your mouth off sometimes.

To fill in a few blanks in my story I've been unable to bear writing yet:

After Matthew - infertility, hormonal rollercoaster, luteal phase dysfunction

Pregnancy # 3 - miscarried at 4.5 weeks. BFP then BFN.

Pregnancy # 4 - my six year old son, sleeping upstairs, high-risk pregnancy, high-risk birth, and a miracle on earth.

A few years later - premature ovarian failure, FSH through the roof, osteoporosis

Pregnancy # 5 - Miracle Baby, she made it to 12 weeks, until her placenta gave out.

Pregnancy # 6 - miscarried at 4 weeks 2 days, BFP then BFN.

Pregnancy # 7 - My daughter who made it to 16 weeks, until her placenta died, once again, due to my clotting disorder. You may remember her from this story.

Since then, I have had another laparoscopy for endometriosis, made multiple attempts at getting pregnant, and humiliated myself in public on endless occasions with various politicians trying to get some help, compassion, and funding for the the IF community and grieving parents like myself.

Yes, I have a few emotions here. Just a couple...

You can see what I wrote over at Julie's, but to sum it all up, that father's quote, "(My wife) and I could not bear to be at the hospital while they were violating our little girl."

"Violating", as if to you a blood transfusion is equivalent to assault?

Well, buddy, can we trade places? Cause my little girls are in the cemetary, and if the biggest problem we had was risking eternal damnation, I'd take their supposed place in hell, and they could have my spot in heaven. If you really loved your daughter, you would NEVER have left her side during that transfusion. You would have held her hand and prayed for her to live, no matter how much "sin" was surrounding you.

See that one quote, that unnecessary pithy piece of shite in the court papers, has convinced me that you are only concerned with yourself, with covering your ass with the Church hierarchy. With making sure that everyone knows how goddam devout and obedient you are. Well, rest assured, as this article makes clear, your butt is covered, your soul safe.

Unless you were all wrong to begin with.


  1. It all makes my head hurt. But, it makes my heart hurt much, much more.

  2. I read that too this morning and have been bugging my husband with the details. It's infuriating. I am glad the government took over, for once they did the right thing.

  3. I cannot believe that parents would not do *anything* to give their children the best possible chance. It is just so infuriating.

    Aurelia, I am so sorry for all of your losses. It is truely unfair.