Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Can't think of a title

I'm way behind on blogs and emails right now. And life, and groceries, and shopping, and laundry...gee, maybe I've been distracted? Today is catch-up day...

Anyway, I'm back to disrupted sleep at this point, because I ran out of my usual ADD drugs and tried some of my old stock, thinking, hey, I could try Concerta, and it would work, right?....nope, that stuff sucks.

It's put together as a time release drug that is phased 20% in the first 4 hours, then 40% for the next 4 hours, and 40 % for the final 4 hours. This is supposed to discourage all of us supposedly "fakers" from abusing it, but I'm not sure how fucking up someone's morning concentration and then giving them the equivalent of 12 shots of espresso at 5:00 pm is supposed to help me have a good sleep at night. I've always thought that the idiots who think people abuse ADD drugs should follow me around for a week. I always forget to take it! And everyone I've ever known with ADD also forgets to take it.

It's really hard to be addicted to something you never actually remember to need or want....asshats. I think they forget that people who have this have MEMORY problems. Of course, maybe THEY have the memory problems.....

So dump that one, now I need to get up the guts to email my ADD Doc back and ask her for a repeat of another one. I kind of don't want to because she drove me nuts....she's not a very good Doc, but there are almost no specialists in Adult ADD anywhere. Lots of pediatricians, and lots of media pundits, but not very many actual people who know what they are doing.

This is the one instance in which I become jealous of people with other mental issues. Every other problem is given the credit of existing, even if patients don't always get the right treatment or enough treatment. But for this? Geez, we must all be faking it, I must be "lazy"...I've had so many Yoda quotes thrown at me, "There is no try, only do" that I'm starting to hate the little green bastard with a passion, even though it's not him talking to me, but the media or various parents/teachers/medical people saying it out loud.

Additude magazine has a new website and forums I've been surfing a bit. It'a pretty good place to read up on it and lots of other LDs, if you are ever interested.

I've always been fascinated by the connection between ADD and adoption by the way, that is the idea that young parents-to-be who have ADD and are untreated are more likely to forget to take birth control, more likely to get pregnant, and more likely to give up their babies for adoption, partially because of societal judgements, but also partially because of higher levels of impulsivity and poorer organizational skills, which translates into poorer parenting skills. Then the adoptees inherit ADD through genetics (There's a huge study on this right now in N.A.) and continue the cycle of impulse control problems. I heard about this from my first ADD Doc btw, a guy long since retired.

Unmedicated ADDers are eight times more likely to get into car accidents while driving, six times more likely to drown while swimming, and five times more likely to be involved in household accidents.

So, which would you rather be labelled? An accident prone bad parent who crashes her car all the time and forgets to feed her kids, or a lazy drug addict who's faking being sick? Nice choices....

Gotta go send that email to my drug dealer/Doctor now, thanks...*eyeroll*.


  1. This stinks. So sorry this is one more thing you have to fight so hard to get the care you need.

    It did occur to me though that another adult population who might share your frustrations would be those who suffer from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I knew a woman who battled this for years at a time when people were still very skeptical of its legitimacy (I imagine many still are). I never doubted her for a minute because I knew what a lively, ambitious woman she was and how suddenly debilitated she became. I don't even know what they do for people with CFS now, if anything. There was nothing that could be done back then.

  2. Back when I was a teenager teaching swimming, I had a 4-year old student named Jaime who was the sweetest kid ever. He had ADD, and had been adopted but by his great aunt and uncle. His great aunt told me that once learned it was ADD (remarkably not paired with HD) she was certain her sister and niece had it too, very severely, and that that was why Jaime's mom would go to the store and forget she'd brought him with her, and other things that made her feel she needed to give him up.

    He was diagnosed while in my class. Before then, he would just blow my mind - because he'd be swimming, get distracted by the patterns on the ceiling and forget to move his arms and legs. How can you forget to perform an act of self preservation like paddling?! He'd start sinking and I'd have to rescue him time and time again. After I learned he had ADD, I thought, so that's what that's like. And I could never ever again understand thinking it's fakery or laziness.

    Get your meds Aurelia!

  3. Thanks guys, don't worry, I have some meds, just not the perfect ideal time release ones. I need the repeat for that.

    But, good news, I went out grocery shopping and bought lots of food, and on the way some idiot slams on his brakes in the middle of an intersection and tries go in reverse and I ALMOST rear ended him, but slammed on the brakes just in time.

    Thank God for Ritalin! It just saved me $5000 or a hike in my car insurance!

  4. I still don't totally understand what ADD is. I really had never heard of adults having it. You know, you just hear about kids having it. But that part you write about how you are so much more likely to get into car accidents, drown or have a accident in the house is pretty scary. What does it actually feel like? And how does the medication work?

  5. Aurelia...glad you have some meds and I do hope you get some sleep. Nothing helps more than restful sleep but it must be hard when your ADD is acting up. Walking helps me.

  6. I'm not sure how fucking up someone's morning concentration and then giving them the equivalent of 12 shots of espresso at 5:00 pm is supposed to help me have a good sleep at night.

    Have you tried crushing up the pills and snorting them? That always works for me.

    Kidding! Kidding!

  7. I hope everything gets a bit more on track soon.