I've had breakfast made by hubby and the kids, gotten a few homemade & a few store bought presents, (more on that later, chuckle), and they are all busy making me dinner. There are many sloppy kisses and lots of love.
It's all great on the surface, but of course, a few things are missing.
Like 3 children, a son and two daughters who should be here.
Like my own two mothers, neither of whom are really my mother, but both of them are sort of. I am unmothered, self mothered, I'm all grown up, but the yearning for that mothering I never had is still there.
I yearn for my lost children. I love the ones I have, but they can't replace what I missed, and am missing. It's unfair to them to put them in that position. I do wish something could replace that empty spot in my heart though....I just don't know what it would be.
For those of you who are still searching and yearning, my love to you today.
Today is kind of crappy for me for several reasons. The obvious is the lack of kids. But the not so obvious that most people don't even consider is the mother that has been missing in my life. The one who gave me life. I know you can relate to that.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have had a nice day with your boys. The children you have lost are not forgotten.
Yep- those empty spaces are impossible to fill.
ReplyDeleteHappy Mother's Day to you! I am glad your day while bittersweet, was still filled with lots of "sweet." Mine was too.
I'm so sorry your three other children couldn't be with you yesterday, but they are looking down on you with lots of love still. They are always with you. Hope you had a lovely day yesterday!
ReplyDeleteWould a virtual hug help at all?
ReplyDeleteHappy Mother's day a day late, Aurelia. I hope the dinner turned out well, and thanks for thinking of us too.
ReplyDeleteAs usual, another lovely post. You inspire me, Aurelia. Thank you for continuing to write. I am grateful for your blog and your friendship.
ReplyDeletesounds like both a good and a tough day, with so much loss involved, but also the joy from the family you've created. I hope there was real joy in there for you, at least in patches.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I have the 2 "not really my mother" mothers too. And you are so right, the need to be mothered never goes away, when you never had it in th first place.
ReplyDeleteThanks for thinking of us on Mother's Day. It's a tough one.
Happy belated Mother's Day, AC. The hole in our hearts for the ones who aren't here is very large indeed.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the thoughts and understanding. Sending some love back your way!
ReplyDeleteI don't want to say something inappropriate, so I'll keep it short. I'm so sorry for your losses.
ReplyDeleteI am a few days late but love to you also on mothers day. And yes I too miss my other children. It makes this all so bitter sweet.
ReplyDelete((((((Aurelia))))))
ReplyDelete