I am

I have been tagged for the "I am" meme by a few different people now, and I have resisted because some of theirs looked like poetry, and others looked like really well-thought out happy pieces. And right now, both are just beyond me. My last post was happy, but today has kind of sucked all the joy out of that.

I am feeling really really down, incredibly sad today.

I am the only woman in a house full of men.

I have two living children who don't actually appreciate anything I've done to have them or raise them.

I am an infertile who wants more kids so they can underappreciate me as well.

I am a gardener who attempts to grow plants so that I can avoid thinking about how badly I grow embryos.

I am a home renovator who repaints and redecorates to avoid thinking about how much my personal life needs renovating.

I am secretly scared that my husband has no respect for my abilities or my brains and sees me as nothing more than a burden, a charity case he took on.

I am scared that he has a fantasy of replacing me with some kind of SuperWoman who pulls in a 6 figure salary, and simultaneously raises children better than Mary Poppins, keeps a home like Martha Stewart, and performs like an acrobat in bed. (This is a completely illogical one, but nonetheless, it exists.)

I am an adoptee who is nervous about the new disclosure laws because I have found my birth mother, but not my birth father, and there is a deadline looming, either I have to find him or he could find me first. My relationship with my birth mother is so exhausting emotionally I'm not sure I want to take on another one. On the other hand it may not be a big deal. I am torn.

I am undiagnosed with some other medical problem that might be hyperthyroid but no Dr. can figure it out.

I am lonely because many of my real life friends are too busy to see me when I am free. (They are only available to hang out late at night or on weekends when I'm here with the kids.)

I am political, a Liberal in fact. I've dropped off the face of the earth politically since the Leadership convention. I just don't feel like doing any Liberal party stuff right now. Too many self-important asshats wandering around obscuring the nice people.

I am now pretty well-off compared to 99% of the world, but am too self-conscious of my humble background to enjoy it; too aware of fitting in or not fitting in; scared I'll end up being that little girl again that was humiliated when she didn't have the hip clothes or the money to do cool stuff.

I am uncomfortable in real life with truly personal conversations. I talk talk talk a LOT, but say little that is meaningful. I can only be open on this blog. And even then, only so much.

I am a pack rat. I keep everything.

I am a lover of order and organization, but I am completely incapable of achieving it alone or maintaining it once I hire someone to do it for me.

I am very very curious about my lurkers. I sometimes get hundreds of clicks in a day, but only a dozen or so comments. Who are you? Email me, or delurk to comment or something. Especially if you are from Canada...I know a few of you who have blogs, or who have delurked before, but what about the rest? Truly, I do not bite.

I am going to go drink some beer in honour of May Two-Four weekend here in Canada.

I am tagging anyone who hasn't already done this, as well as Leroy, Nicole, Thrice, Casey, Manuela, & Mia.