Thursday, May 10, 2007

Not quite as bad and not quite as good

My GP, Dr. J. was pretty good about todays' appointment. Yes, it turns out that my bone density sucks donkey balls, in fact my hip socket density is down to 76% of what it should be for a woman my age, weight, yadda yadda, but my spinal isn't too awful, still pretty stable compared to a few years ago. She didn't mention any medication for it, but that's because I have a specialist appointment coming up and we agreed to talk about it then. She did tell me to change my brand of calcium & D, because she thinks I'm getting bored with it, which is why I'm not very compliant. This she is right about....chalky tasting stuff sucks!

My RAIU test results she wasn't sure what to do with. Apparently the latest muddling BS diagnosis they can come up with is "inactive Graves disease". Except that at least one Doc has said that my lab results don't show the right antibodies for Graves disease. (But hey fuck lab results---we only worry about those when we feel like it!) She's going to get back to me about the MRI.

And of course she asked about my upset below the stomach parts, which have still not healed from the hideous organic muffin adventure. I had seen another Dr. last week at the clinic about it and they did some tests. Too late to find food poisoning, I guess. Anyway, we ended up talking about all my GI adventures and between the lactose intolerance and the hyperthyroid and all I've been feeling awful on and off for a year. And I knew this word was coming but I seriously cringed....she mentioned the c-word (colonoscopy), and I practically fainted and said the conversation had to end.

Honestly, I'd rather have brain surgery.

Through my eyeball.


After all the gyne surgeries I've had and the dildocams and the dozens of hands up my hoo-ha, yes, THIS is the procedure I'd rather die than discuss. So my Doc KEEPS going! She tells me that not to worry, they do twilight sleep, and I'd get some fentanyl. And that was my limit.

For those of you who think I'm good at advocating for myself, you need to know that really I'm not. If I was really good, I wouldn't have so many dead children. Okay, scratch that last sentence, the new improved me is refusing to feel guilt. My Doctors have to take responsibility, right?

I'm only as good as I can be at that single moment in time. I'm trying, and I suck at it sometimes. Like two years ago, I had a laparoscopy with a really famous endometriosis surgeon. Brilliant and kind, he did a great job on the surgery. Unfortunately my anaesthetist wasn't so good. Long story short, he didn't give me enough fentanyl during surgery so I woke up screaming in pain, and the other Doc in recovery then gave me too much fentanyl in an effort to relieve my pain. Well, she gave me so much I stopped breathing, and they had to give me Narcan to reverse the fentanyl and shock my heart to start me breathing again. I ended up in pain again, and messed up physically for days & weeks afterwards.

I couldn't advocate for myself then or while I was sick. Mr.Cotta couldn't help because he knows ZERO about medicine. It wasn't until I left the hospital and started asking some pointed questions that I figured out what happened. And even then, I didn't bother suing. I knew it would just be a waste of my emotional energy and my money. Dr. Google, Wikipedia, and Emedicine are my favourite sources. If you read them, you'll know as much as me and certainly more than your Dr.

But in a crisis, when you are physically sick or in emotional shock or grieving, you cannot take care of yourself. We need others to help us. I certainly do.

We do the best we can when we can...we're only human, right?

I have to go drag my creaky old bones up the stairs. I guess I've entered the broken hip years, eh? Sigh....first it's control top underwear, then orthopedic the c-word...


  1. For pete's sake, you're my age, aren't you? Broken-hip years, my arse...

    So I'm assuming Dr. J. didn't write a scrip for Fosamax on the spot. What did she do, except tell you that she'll "get back to you" on the MRI? (Why does she need more time, btw?)

  2. What exactly did she mean by "will get back to you?" I hope it's not "I have no idea what I am doing."
    Hang in there.

  3. You WOKE UP during a lap?! What a nightmare.

    I guess I misspoke when I said you were an advocate for yourself, more accurately, your knowledge has come out of hard necessity. As for the unmentionable procedure, your anxiety is understandable. I so hope you get a great anesthesiologist to go with a great surgeon.

    I didn't wake up, thank goodness, but when I had a lap years ago I was od'd and the side effects of the Narcan were HELL. I looked it up just now and saw that one of its side effects is in fact abdominal pain. That's what you need after gyne surgery - more lower abdominal pain.

    I'm hopeful that this time it will be better for you. Let us know when.

  4. You really have been through the wringer. And it is troublesome that your docs seem to be kind of confused. Even if you do everything possible to educate yourself and advocate for yourself, at some point, (like when you're under anesthesia, for example) it seems that the doctors need to do their job too.

  5. warning: assvice ahead

    My mom's bone density was pretty sucky. She started working out with a personal trainer, and at her last scan they gave her the news that not only has her density not decreased, it's actually increased - by a lot. You may want to consider lifting weights.

    As for the c-word, can you afford to go to one of those clinics in the States where you swallow a pill-shaped camera instead of having the whole ass-scope thing?

  6. I absolutely cringe at the same thought of a colonoscopy. Unfortunately, I don't think too many escape it's loving caress.

  7. I lost my mom to colon cancer, so I'm sure I'll be up for one of those scans at some point too (oooo, I can't wait -- gack!).

    It sounds like you've had a rough time of late, without a lot of good news. I can't believe that you're having to babysit the docs too -- unbelievable.

  8. To be honest, the colonoscopy is nothing. Really, it's not painful and it doesn't take long. What is HORRIFIC is the prep for the scoping. Not nice at all. Drink gallons of disgusting stuff and sit on the toilet ALL NIGHT. That said, just get it done, okay?

    Sorry that you're having a rough row here.

  9. I've heard colonoscopies aren't so bad. I'm not beating down the door to get one, but there you go. Thus spake Casey.

    Really, I am sorry about all the crappy medical stuff. Do you get a special award for completing a certain combination of procedures? Kinda like Diagnostics Bingo?

  10. Sorry you've had such a crummy time with all the various medical stuff. Hearing what you have gone through really is starting to make me question how much the "ball was dropped" in my particular case. I think a lot.

  11. And I thought socialized healthcare was suppose to solve everything...hmmmm...

    I don't know a whole lot about medications either but you coming to during surgery suggests the anaesthetist was not monitoring your condition like she/he should. I wonder how many other surgeries he/she was overseeing while doing yours?

    I don't know your age and I won't ask. I will just assume that you are too young to be having broken hips and needing a colonoscopy, so what gives? Sounds like you were in a car wreak aurelia but I don't think so.

    Hopefully some rest and a massage by Mr. Cotta will help :)

  12. I have IBS and have the c word several times. It really isn't that bad, the drink to empty your bowels is the worse part. You'll be fine. Although I am sorrying you are going through all this at all.

  13. Ack... too, too much... The c-word sounds kinda revolting, I hope your Drs get some idea of what to do very soon... x