Wednesday, May 02, 2007


I am too freakin' tired to think right now. I've had a very long day, dealing with the last appointment with my therapist, and some heavy duty abandonment issues. Plus we are trying to finalize my older boys camp arrangements for the summer. Which I hate, because of course, it's just the final nail in my ability to parent my kids the way I believe is right.

The next time someone tells you that all you need is love to raise kids, slap them for me, okay? There's a whole 'nother thing about shared values, beliefs, ethics, about class, and money, and parenting philosophies that matter wayyyyy more.

It's not just about infertility or staying pregnant or getting the live baby. (And I know you guys know this already, just indulge me here.)

I'll elaborate more tomorrow, but in the meantime, in my honour, have a nice chat with your partner about the real practical bits of childrearing in your future, like Reading curriculum: Whole language or phonics? Kid's clothes: Too much skin? Too many labels? Table manners: elbows on or off the table? Music lessons: mandatory piano or optional pick-their-own-instrument?

These tiny little things which seem like nothing when you aren't pregnant yet, have been the cause of more divorces and custody battles than I care to say. They aren't really small, they are symbols of bigger things.

More rambling later, I promise.


  1. Hmmm. Interesting thing to think about. My husband seems to be fine letting me make all the decisions about our kid (age 2) so far. I've determined when he naps and goes to bed, what he eats (well, mostly), how he is dressed, I've selected the programs in which we've participated, and when I brought up the preschool and elementary to which I think he should go, hubby asked one question and then let it go. Hubby and I have very similar backgrounds and values, so perhaps that makes it a bit easier for us than for some. I'll try to bring it up with him though (the music lessons and whatnot), but I suspect he'll respond that I'm thinking too far ahead with that kind of stuff.

  2. I thought you won the camp battle?!?

    I know it is hard when parents aren't on the same page even about the seemingly smaller issues. We've been lucky on that front for the past 12 years, but I keep wondering how my hubby is going to cope with the teenage years!

    Oh, and for the record: Phonics mixed with exposure to lots of rich children's literature (former elementary teacher here), Definitely not "too much skin", Elbows off the table, and optional-pick-your-own-instrument (one picked guitar, the other piano, and they are both happy). That's just me though!

  3. I suspect we will have a few "differences of opinion" but hopefully we'll be able to work it out.

  4. Oh, man. First, I'm really sorry about the abandonment issues. If my email is to blame, put it out of your head and let us never speak of it again.

    Second, bah. I feel you. Every damn day I feel like I'm compromising on the way I should be raising my kids. Every day. Thankfully, it's not my partner forcing the compromise. It's just the rest of the world. Bah, I say!

    Hang in there.