I seem to be paralyzed with indecision and stress all throughout this pregnancy. I get unhappy and freaked over nothing, then stupidly happy over dumb things.
When a doctor tells me I have good test results, I don't believe them.
My GTT came back perfect....and of course, instead of being happy, I'm pissed that I had to take it to begin with; total waste of tax dollars, and I hate the taste of the orange glucose shit they serve, plus I had to pay $24 for parking that day because I couldn't get a good spot. (A good cheap parking spot is a rare thing in Toronto, treasured in fact.) Funny twist, I looked at my records when the doc was out of the room, and my 1 hour measurement was 8.8, which is perfect at 75 mg of glucose after 1 hour. Which, btw, means that the heavily flavoured chai tea with sugar I drank shortly before the first 50 mg glucose test contained exactly 25 mg of glucose.....and all those boobheads who said that fasting is unnecessary prior to the first screening test? They really need to shut up and get the fuck out of my way today.
To any of you who have to take the glucose screening test, the 50 mg one, please I beg of you, eat a balanced meal with complex carbs and protein 2-3 hours prior, then NOTHING. NOT A DROP OF ANYTHING until you have to swallow that disgusting orange shit.
People who have GD will still fail, but those of us with normal sugar and insulin will not get false positives that way.
I can't save myself from that piece of stress, but maybe I can save a few of you.
Meantime, no one takes my worries about this pregnancy seriously. My OB seems to think that if he laughs and jollies me enough and tells me that we are past the worst that I will relax. Same with my husband. Same with my real life friends. It's like they all want the happy ending right now, and they want me to play along and make nice and everyone will sing kumbaya and we don't even have to wait and see the live baby, we can just celebrate NOW.
But I just don't work that way.
Truthfully, I think my OB still has some concerns, but he thinks that this is the way to keep me calm. My husband can barely think about me and the baby because he is still dealing with his brother which is still a mess as he gets better. (He is feeling better, but is now located way the hell out in the middle of nowhere, kind of a logistical nightmare for us to be honest. WTF is wrong with staying in the downtown core people? Big hospitals, lots of docs, transit, close to relatives.....but hey no-one listens to me, I'm just the in-law....sigh...)
What I really need, is someone to take charge, to look worried, to carry the stress, to be my General, my Saviour, my Knight-in-Shining-Armour, my Dr.Google, maybe even my Horton?
I need someone to depend on, a someone to take care of me, but no one seems to exist like that, so I end up in this hideously stressful position having to take care of myself, advocate for myself, wonder if each muscle twinge is something, anything worth going in and asking about.
I really don't remember how I made it through my pregnancy with Mac. It was eight years ago.
To those of you who have made it through more recently, how did you do it? HOW?