Thursday, May 15, 2008

I finally figured out what it is

Considering that I've walked into a number of stores now, and I had barely bought a thing beyond a pack of diapers and an outfit from the Gap, you'd think I would know what the problem was.

And I've finally figured it out. See, everyone I meet in these stores has a pretty weird thing happening that I just don't understand. I can't relate to them. I am repelled by them.

They think that the whole point of having the baby is the accessories.

The decor.

The possessions they can acquire.

They, and the companies that cater to them have forgotten that the BABY is the endgame, the goal, the dream.

Now, I'm not saying that we infertiles and deadbaby mamas can't play a bit in that sandbox, cause our living kids will eventually need stuff anyway. Hell, we should get to taste a bit of honey after all the shit we've been through. But I do like to think that we have some perspective.

And every single damn store I walk into---no perspective. From Babies r' Us and WalMart to fancy wealthy momma stores, there are like twelve dozen colors and designs for each and every item, and no sales person so far particularly gives a damn about safety ratings or accommodating my need to get things delivered the day of or after the baby is born alive. Even in neighbourhoods where you'd think it would be different, it all seems to be about ordering 12 weeks ahead, and "Would you like that in midnight, tango, or ice?"

So I plowed through it by being honest with the clerks and making fun of the woman who showed up 4 months pregnant trailing various relatives and trying on slings and discussing color schemes. Cause you know, I'm charitable that way.

I finally succumbed to the consumerism in a limited way and ordered a crib, a dresser, and a hutch for the dresser. I'm going to order a matching shelving unit for books after I get everything in 6-8 weeks since I figure it may not all fit in that room. I ordered a basic neutral dresser and hutch because at some point I can make the kid keep it and just order a bed to replace the crib. I already own a slide rocker and footstool. And for now the baby is going to sleep in a bassinet that Lisa graciously loaned me and the clothes we have can go into an old dresser we kept.

I'm setting up a change station upstairs in the baby's room and one downstairs in the living room. So I bought 2 change pads and covers and some wipes and cream. And today, a diaper genie. For the disposable diapers I bought. (Here it comes---ducking)

And today a few other things, like a carseat, (Perego) and stroller (Bugaboo Chameleon). And a Tummy Tub with the little matching stand.

This was a hard thing emotionally, but I'm sort of over the hump on it. Now, if I could just figure out these crazy people who have panic attacks over not being able to get the matching designer colors for their crib sets and wall murals and make sure that, of course, it's all 100% environmentally friendly, organic and fair trade as well as trendy.


I'm never fitting in here, am I?


  1. You got the bugaboo chameleon? See, I was all set to agree with you, but you've made me jealous. So now I'm confused.


  2. The bugaboo was strictly a functionality issue. Last time around I ended up buying 5 different strollers, and this thing seems to allow me to own only one, since it can do everything, from car seats, to folding tiny, to having big wheels for winter.

    I actually was making fun of them myself before this and only allowed the saleslady to show me it for the joke value.

    Then she convinced it's my one big concession to trendy.

    I did pick a color that will hide the dirt, (grey) which confused her, since she assumes that no one would ever dare get a Bugaboo dirty. I guess we're supposed to keep it perfect and not let children touch it, haha!

  3. Nice stroller. You'd fit right in on the streets of my town.

    Enjoy. It won't be long now!

  4. Glad you finally got some things. Although I totally agree with you, I think sometimes people get so fixated on the STUFF that they forget about the baby, when the baby is the whole point.

  5. I know what you mean. When I registered for my baby shower, I deliberately picked from a few sets of things so that everything would not be all "matchy matchy".

  6. OOh a chameleon. Very good choice. Pob has one too and I love it, although it assumes you walk everywhere as it's a bit of a pain to get in and out of the car. But I do walk or take the bus everywhere so that's ok.

    If you really got grey with grey fabric I might be tempted to secretly buy you the orange tailored fabric or something for when the baby is born alive just so you can shine a little bit. I agree it's not about the accessories, but it's still enjoyable to put the baby in stuff you look at and smile because they look so sweet in it.

    Keep sticking to your guns. You may or may not remember but I had a total breakdown the day I bought furniture, all the tension got to me. I understand where you are and I haven't suffered the losses you have.

  7. Not sure where you are trying to fit in but I'm right there with you. Well unless you go into labour before I get the cover for the bassinet back to you. how bout tomorrow?

    It amazes me that I can still say 'isn't that nice, I hope it goes well for them' about those who run out at the first opportunity and buy all the stuff. Of course that is what we all deserve but at the very least the sales staff should be less oblivious. They should know better.

  8. Er, are disposable diapers bad now too? Cause the last I heard they were neutral. By the time the non-disposable diapers are washed and dried and the detergent is in there, its all the same impact.

    I use disposables. My kids had minimal "baby" furniture. You know what, they are not permanently scarred.

  9. Er, are disposable diapers bad now too? Cause the last I heard they were neutral. By the time the non-disposable diapers are washed and dried and the detergent is in there, its all the same impact.

    I use disposables. My kids had minimal "baby" furniture. You know what, they are not permanently scarred.

  10. Lots of people seem to be very into cloth diapers now, and various services etc. that come in and wash everything.

    Me? I'm kind of feeling very meh about the whole thing. Disposables are easier.

  11. I don't predict you'll get any flack for using 'sposies. It's the cloth users that are constantly being told we're harder on the environment.
    It's a tough argument to parse out because while I use water to wash, a tremenous amount of water is used in the manufacturing process of disposables. And as for detergent - 1/2 an ounce of biodegradable detergent per load isn't having much impact, I'm thinking...

    Do what makes sense and what you're comfortable with...

  12. hey, disposables go into the green bin (municipal compost pickup), remember?

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  14. I think there are a lot of people like you. But they aren't as loud as the people who want everything all matchy-matchy.

    And about the Bug? Good choice. I had one, and I totally loved it. And it was worth it, because it cost $700 new and I sold it for $500. So it was like paying $200 for a stroller. And it was way better than a $200 stroller.

    Stay well.

  15. Well, you are far more prepared than me -- i still haven't bought that second crib, and the twins will be a year old next month. Heh.

  16. Wandered over here because you had some wonderful stuff to say on Julie's blog.

    I had a quite normal pregnancy (that ended disasterously), but i also thought it was bizarre that people wanted you to order stuff months in advance. Half of it's crap anyway. I am going to go google this bugaoo thing, though. I must be hopelessly out of date because I've never even heard of it.

  17. Truthfully? Not having gone through anything like what you have, I...can't...stand...the...stuff. Really, I can't stand most stuff, baby-related or otherwise, though, don't get me wrong, it nonetheless piles up around me.

    For me, it's mostly the shopping. Parking the car? Walking into a retail establishment? Selecting things off a shelf? Paying for them, bringing them home, dealing with whatever needs to happen next? Ugh, ugh, ugh.

    It is astonishing that my son has any clothes to wear at all (and it is not coincidence that I dress him in zip one-piece onesies that are easy-in, easy-out and have rubber footies, minimizing his need for shoes).

    I'm not all bad; every single week, I drag myself to the grocery store so that we can have healthy, home-cooked meals. But that doesn't mean I like it!

    Matching colors? Feh.

  18. Waaaaay late here, but wanted to say I have serious issues with the stuff people. Like serious issues. Like snark is me being easy.
    If we ever get that far, my old Peg Perego needs new chassis. If we can't get them, I am actually thinking about Bugaboo, from seeing them around town. Though I am not sure the little wheels are sturdy enough...